To dump dog in one of my husbands offices he works from

[Fatfoot]

I will preface this with he is a lovely dog, well trained and behaved.
but I never wanted a dog, and said it, but got overruled.

Fast forward 8 years.

Husband has left me, children have left home , and I am tied to him.

I love him, but want the freedom that the rest of family have

Haven’t been on holiday for 3 years - husband was away just for example for 79 days last year.

For holidays, I use trusted house sitter or paw shake? I feel your pain. But there are options. It’s frustrating for sure.

She does seem to want it though. Just resents that she didn't want it when they first got it and so thinks she shouldn't have any responsibility.... despite actually wanting the dog?

It's not making much sense, OP.

Keep it (and embrace the responsibility of owning a dog), or rehome it.

Why do people keep saying 'poor dog' - she doesn't want to get rid of him, she wants a break. She's not planning on doing anything to the dog, she's clearly frustrated.

OP tell him if he's not going to look after the dog while you go away then he is responsible for finding someone appropriate who will.

Sign up for trusted Housesitters @Fatfoot - they come and look at ddog in your home so they are settled and happy in a familiar environment

None of this is the dogs fault.
Why can't you go on holiday with the dog? We always took our dog on holiday with us. 14 years of happy memories of her running on the beach, walking in the hills and snuggling up in the tent and cottages at night.

Because she's acting like she shouldn't have responsibility for this dog, despite the fact that it's her dog, purely because she didn't want it when they first got it.

She says she wants it now but there's clearly some resentment.

You either want a dog, or you don't - in which case rehome it.

"Oh but I didn't want it when we first got it, but I do want it now, but I don't want the responsibility" is ridiculous.

I get it op. I love my dog to bits but no one else wants to take any responsibility. Dc grew up and left home and I’m still tied to when I can go anywhere and for how long. It’s like forever having small dc. I love him, I just want a holiday sometimes.
Like yours, my pup hates kennels.

Because you get the feeling the poor dog is being used in some tit for tat thing to get back at the ex.

Her ds said he'd look after it, the dd then said she couldn't go on those dates so I'd focus my energy on getting the dc to be a bit more organised.

She isn't acting like that at all, she has literally got and taking responsibility for it. She's acting like the arsehole that wanted the dog and DID dump it should ALSO take responsibility for it. But in true mumsnet style, the bar for him and the bar for her are miles apart.

I think whether or not the ex is an arsehole is a separate issue.

OP has ended up with a dog, for whatever reason, that she says she loves and wants.... but she doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it.

That's a pretty immature attitude to pet ownership.

She simply needs to decide whether or not she wants it, and commit to what is necessary either way.

So get your dc to look after it while you go on holiday. People must surely have family who are able to assist. Or, as has been mentioned pay for a home boarder. We have a dog, we use kennels or family we certainly aren't tied.

I say take him to the office with his food, lead and pop bags. You needed a shared custody arrangement when you divorced! It’s such a classic situation that the wife gets dumped with the bulk of the inconvenient caring responsibilities while the husband hits to gallivant while pretending to be super dad.

If the ex didn't want to keep the dog and OP didn't want it either then it should have been rehomed.

Shared pet ownership with an ex that you resent is a complicated and stupid idea, and not in the dog's best interest.

One person needs to be the dog's owner. If neither can provide that then you rehome.

As it is, OP appears to be the 'main' owner, says she loves and wants the dog, but is moaning that she can't go away because she has a dog. It's nothing to do with her being female or 'different bars'. She has clearly stated that she wants the dog whereas it seem pretty clear that he isn't all that fussed.

If you want to own a dog then there are certain compromises you make in your life and that is one of them - arrangements need to be made for it - and that should not be relying on a tenuous relationship with an ex who you don't get on with and who clearly doesn't care that much about the dog.

If you don't want to/ can't be responsible for a dog then you rehome it.

This is why people should think really long term before getting a dog.
Children grow up and leave...you will still have a dog.
The dog gets old and slows down, is harder to take with you for the day, they get sicker and you don't want to leave them alone - this can go on for years and years.

People think the puppy years are difficult, but the old dog years are the hardest in my experience. When the Covid flood of dogs reach old age a lot of people are going to find their lives interrupted in a way they've not planned for.

People just do not think long and hard enough before getting a dog. Dog ownership is a joy and a privilege but it is a lifetime of selfless responsibility.

You can easily take a dog on holiday with you.

^^

This!! Its not the dogs fault. How can you even consider 'dumping' him somewhere because he is inconveniencing your life.

I had the exact same issue when my first DH left me. I loved the dog (that he wanted and was his) but couldn't give him the life and the walks he needed because I had two little ones. DH said he couldn't have him in his new place so I found a lovely new family for him. A family that would love him and could give him the life he deserved. I would never ever have just dumped him on my DH when I knew he didn't have the space or room for him. God knows what would have happened.

If you don't want him rehome him and let someone else love him.

I agree. I completely understand her feelings, but this really isn't okay.

Get a dog sitter to mind him in your own home? Find a home away from home sitter instead of kennels so he’s in a home with people/a family/sofa surfing and being spoiled :)? Retired neighbours here dogsit annually for a range of clients. They love dogs, get to house sit & dogsit around the country & the doggies are happy & spoiled.

If husband doesn’t care about the dog anyway, he’ll just stick him wherever if you leave him at his office etc.

Put your dog’s wellbeing first, find a good dog minding solution so you can go on holiday & recharge.

All this angst?! Get a dog sitter

So you do what every other good dog owner does - you pay for kennels - You pay for someone to look after the dog
You have had the dog for 8 years you should know what it bloody takes to look after a dog - Like people say poor dog

I’m going to say you’re not being unreasonable. Your ex owns the dog too, no? He loves the dog. The dog knows him? I think your plan is a good one!

Don't dump the dog. Have him properly rehomed if that's what you want to do.

I love my dogs but do get that they can be frustrating. You sound knackered. Can you not book a dog sitter and get away for a break this summer?

Sorry if I have missed it and someone else has asked, but why can't you just go on holiday with your dog. That's what we do.

One of my dogs can't go into kennels - I tried that once and she didn't eat for the whole week. It was obvious when I picked them up that they'd both hated it. So now I just get a live-in dogsitter when I go away. Could you not do that, OP?

Poor OP!

rehome the dog, friend has recently done this so the dog didn't go into a home but went straight to another family to love.

Otherwise you book holidays and leave your husband and the dog to get on with it