Feeling Down AIBU?

[MuchTerraine]

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life.

Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that.

He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice.

Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions.

Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily.

AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

Thank you . This post has helped me a lot !

you’re absolutely right - most of the time I was messaging him my life was spiralling downwards - I only started my new regime on 24th June.

Ive just scrolled through our DMs and gosh we used to message loads - just scrolling through one day’s messages is like that well known social media meme

“it’s been 84 years!” - you know the one !!

But why are you using old pictures like that?
Did you send him any current ones?

No current ones

@InvitingMattress

I’ve quoted your post again because the points you’ve made here have helped me more than you know.

Thank you ❤️

Did you meet on a dating app then?

No !! Definitely not a dating app!

we were never even gonna meet in real life

Hi OP - firstly, I'm pleased you're feeling motivated and happier.

However, there's quite a lot here that's pretty concerning and while I'm glad that this thread is giving you some support, I would hope you have access to something a bit more formal in real life?

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Do you work or have any living family? Friendly neighbours?

As PPs have said, spending some of your inheritance on therapy and some practical support in the immediate here and now would be very valuable. Are you registered with a GP?

You also really need to speak to your landlord ASAP, as if your flat is in a state of disrepair with malfunctioning devices, as it sounds, they do need to know.

I would also strongly recommend not using very old pics on apps: I know you said you had no intention of meeting the man you've been speaking with, but technically that could be construed as catfishing, which is a bit dishonest.

Anyway, all the best for the future.

I’m 52 no living family

The online platform I communicated with him on is NOT in any way a dating app it’s a general platform and doesn’t have any sort of dating intention at all - and I told him the date of the pic - we’ve both been sharing old pics of our youth etc - so it’s not catfishing as it’s not a dating app at all with none of the consequent expectation that goes with it and I’ve been upfront about exactly when it was taken

@AffIt

the stuff in my flats not malfunctioning such to be fair it’s just I’ve not got round to using the boiler etc

yes I have friendly neighbours

Did you share recent pics?

Hi I’m so grateful to everyone who’s contributed to this thread thus far and I just wanted to give some more context / updates

It’s not the man I was communicating with that made me turn my life around.

I started a much needed strict diet last week on Tuesday, 24th June.

On Thursday 26th June exactly a week ago I read something online that was very pertinent to my situation and would explain exactly why I’m at the exact position I’m at. I actually searched for this info specifically on line and found it. This has explained to exactly why I am the way I am and since realising this its made me feel much more relaxed in myself and I can just get on with things much easier. It’s been life changing.

Also I think the guy backing off has really been a blessing in disguise because -

I didn’t really want him to start receiving DMs from anyone at including him

he was badgering me for pix and the constant sexual innuendo got boring

No

I feel the bloke backing away has brought an end to the contact which if I’m being honest I wanted deep down and would’ve been very awkward to finish otherwise

When you’re ready (perhaps not right now) you might want to think of moving and making a completely fresh start.
Look at places where you’d really, really like to live as you’ve no ties to your present place, eg I would want to live somewhere rural and pretty say a village/town near the coast or hills.
Perhaps you’d like to live in a city where there’s lots going on - make a list of pros and cons to help you decide.
A lot of people would love to be in your position - the ability to start over somewhere new.

Thank you.

This has made me feel hopeful and given me plenty of food for thought

But even a boiler that's not being used can have repercussions, especially if you are thinking of moving out and buying a new property.

I really do think you should contact your landlord, as that will, if nothing else, give them the opportunity to get things ready for the next tenant.

How can a boiler not being used have repercussions ?

Because they do need to be turned on fairly regularly to make sure the component parts are working and firing correctly.

They should also be serviced annually, especially gas boilers.

Your hot water system needs to be flushed through regularly to keep it in working order.

Additionally, if your heating system is connected to your boiler (which most are), presumably you haven't been using that either? Probably less of a problem in a flat than a detached house, but completely unheated houses can suffer from damp or damaged pipes.

ah thank you for clarifying

I didn’t think this would be such an issue in a flat

You need to contact the landlord about the washing machine too. You need to have clean clothes.

When was the last time your Landlord did a property inspection OP?

You say in your op that you don’t know how to work your boiler. As you have access to the internet, just Google it and there will be loads of videos showing you step by step. Hope this helps. Best of luck with everything and the weight loss is great 😊

March

Thank you so much for your encouraging, kind words

Ok so another update :

I’ve now officially disposed of EVERY single scrap of recycling - and this is 7 months worth of recycling !! So all cans, plastic bottles, milk bottles and butter tubs. Also all glass items - wine bottles, coffee jars etc. My living room looks so different from what it did less than 2 days ago!!