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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling Down AIBU?

268 replies

MuchTerraine · 01/07/2025 16:40

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life.

Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that.

He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice.

Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions.

Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily.

AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

OP posts:
DogsandDungarees · 02/07/2025 21:10

I think you need mental health help.

how are you keeping clean? Washing yourself or clothes ?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:12

DogsandDungarees · 02/07/2025 21:10

I think you need mental health help.

how are you keeping clean? Washing yourself or clothes ?

Washing myself at local sports centre

i havent washed any clothes this year! But I’ve accumulated so many over the years I’ve got enough clean ones to keep me going iyswim

OP posts:
MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:15

I’ve just returned from buying necessities at Sainsbury’s with Nectar points and although it’s gone 9pm going to prepare a bit more recycling !

OP posts:
daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:16

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:07

Thanks everyone again for your great support on my thread.

I worry sometimes that the chap I was friendly with thought I might’ve even been trying to put him off deliberately by saying all this

I very much doubt it. Better to get your life sorted before inviting anyone into it. Sounds like you might have been a little too keen ?

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:18

daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:16

I very much doubt it. Better to get your life sorted before inviting anyone into it. Sounds like you might have been a little too keen ?

Just to let you know he was the one instigating ALL the messages

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 02/07/2025 21:18

Is there a laundrette nearby? Some collect.

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:20

JumpingDizzy · 02/07/2025 21:18

Is there a laundrette nearby? Some collect.

Yes they’re one nearby

Don’t think it collects but I’ll try it

OP posts:
daleylama · 02/07/2025 21:24

Ok ! Sounds promising then. Maybe just chill for a bit as others suggested and return to the chat with a light hearted update on your sorting out

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 21:39

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:12

Washing myself at local sports centre

i havent washed any clothes this year! But I’ve accumulated so many over the years I’ve got enough clean ones to keep me going iyswim

If you have so many clothes you can wear a fresh outfit every day for 6 months, I'm sure they must be taking up far too much room.

Once you've sorted the other stuff, you might want to sort out a lot of stuff for charity and make some space.

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:42

ShamrockShenanigans · 02/07/2025 21:39

If you have so many clothes you can wear a fresh outfit every day for 6 months, I'm sure they must be taking up far too much room.

Once you've sorted the other stuff, you might want to sort out a lot of stuff for charity and make some space.

Yes true I’ve been thinking about doing exactly that !

OP posts:
MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 21:54

Well it’s nearly 10pm and still working!! Nearly sorted out all recycling !

OP posts:
cafenoirbiscuit · 02/07/2025 22:00

Just catching up here and I’m hugely impressed at what you’ve achieved in such a short space of time. You should be called Ms Motivator!
I am thinking I might actually GO and take things to the clothing bank tomorrow rather than look at the and think about it …. Thanks for inspiring me!

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:00

2 whole days of no messages from my chap and I’m missing him very much

But on the positive side , I’m still working now at 10pm and done all my recycling

OP posts:
BountifulPantry · 02/07/2025 22:07

You’ve done so well! Now the recycling is done what’s next? Maybe taking some clothes to charity or recycling?

Lucillebatwings · 02/07/2025 22:08

Hi @MuchTerraine I’m sorry for how things worked out with the guy online.

Sounds like you are doing really well in getting things sorted though.

Why don’t you just order a new washing machine? You can afford to.

A new car too. I’m not saying go wild with the money you have, but there are some essentials that could really improve your quality of life.

The first being getting someone out to get the boiler on.

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:08

cafenoirbiscuit · 02/07/2025 22:00

Just catching up here and I’m hugely impressed at what you’ve achieved in such a short space of time. You should be called Ms Motivator!
I am thinking I might actually GO and take things to the clothing bank tomorrow rather than look at the and think about it …. Thanks for inspiring me!

ah you’re very welcome I’m glad I inspired someone !

OP posts:
MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:09

BountifulPantry · 02/07/2025 22:07

You’ve done so well! Now the recycling is done what’s next? Maybe taking some clothes to charity or recycling?

Yes!! And magazines !!

OP posts:
MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:10

Lucillebatwings · 02/07/2025 22:08

Hi @MuchTerraine I’m sorry for how things worked out with the guy online.

Sounds like you are doing really well in getting things sorted though.

Why don’t you just order a new washing machine? You can afford to.

A new car too. I’m not saying go wild with the money you have, but there are some essentials that could really improve your quality of life.

The first being getting someone out to get the boiler on.

Yes I’ve got a car it just needs fixing

OP posts:
BountifulPantry · 02/07/2025 22:22

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:09

Yes!! And magazines !!

Go for it you got this!

Horses7 · 02/07/2025 22:30

Well done so far!
Carry on with healthy eating, exercise and sorting your life and home out.
Give yourself a month or so then get in touch with him again and outline your achievements and say how positive you feel. Hopefully he’ll resume contact again.
Either way your life can only get better - don’t give up!
You’ve got this!

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:34

Horses7 · 02/07/2025 22:30

Well done so far!
Carry on with healthy eating, exercise and sorting your life and home out.
Give yourself a month or so then get in touch with him again and outline your achievements and say how positive you feel. Hopefully he’ll resume contact again.
Either way your life can only get better - don’t give up!
You’ve got this!

Thank you so much. And yes - a month. That’s a really good timeframe I think 🙌

OP posts:
MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 22:36

Well it’s 10.30pm and I’ve only just finished working

now I can safely say ALL plastics recycling = DONE!!

OP posts:
BooneyBeautiful · 02/07/2025 23:18

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 14:39

Just not knowing how long a mattress is supposed to last for !

A mattress should be changed every six to eight years. I am pretty sure my memory foam one is much older than that, but it is so comfortable! I am too nervous to change it as I have a spinal problem and I don't want to make things worse.

You have done really well today, so well done! Please don't lose weight too quickly as it can cause gallstones (as can gaining weight quickly), so just go steadily. I use the WeightWatchers app and that really works for me. Good luck!

MuchTerraine · 02/07/2025 23:49

BooneyBeautiful · 02/07/2025 23:18

A mattress should be changed every six to eight years. I am pretty sure my memory foam one is much older than that, but it is so comfortable! I am too nervous to change it as I have a spinal problem and I don't want to make things worse.

You have done really well today, so well done! Please don't lose weight too quickly as it can cause gallstones (as can gaining weight quickly), so just go steadily. I use the WeightWatchers app and that really works for me. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

OP posts:
BecauseThatsHowYouGetAnts · 03/07/2025 00:21

The things you mentioned in your OP aren't normal, let my house get messy things. They paint a picture thats not pretty at all. They are things that kind of stereotype you and give people bad images of the state you live in. How do you wash properly without hot water? Or clean your clothes? If your house is in that kind of state what do all the other parts of you and your life look like. I'm sorry to say that giving away these kinds of details creates a visual image of you and what kind of person you might be. Even if its a false one. No one can help you if you don't help yourself.

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