Page 11 | Feeling Down AIBU?

MuchTerraine · 2025-07-01T15:40:42+00:00

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life. Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that. He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice. Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions. Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily. AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:19

InvitingMattress · 04/07/2025 09:05

Gently, OP, I think you’re psychologically over-dependent on this stranger’s attention. It isn’t an ‘emotional connection’. He’s a total stranger, and you’re very vulnerable. I’d step right back, and focus on yourself, therapy, getting past the hoarding etc.

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Yes you’re right

OP posts:

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 09:24

What are you doing about your boiler and washing machine?

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:25

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 09:24

What are you doing about your boiler and washing machine?

Getting them both fixed

OP posts:

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 09:26

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:25

Getting them both fixed

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When?

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:35

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 09:26

When?

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As soon as I get flat clean and clear

OP posts:

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:35

Hopefully today or asap - I need to get car working as well

OP posts:

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:36

Also my car insurance needs renewing in next few days

OP posts:

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 09:37

What's the make and model of the boiler?
You've said it's new you just don't know how to use it. Have you googled for an instruction manual or a YouTube video?
Running hot water is a life essential not a luxury.

daleylama · 04/07/2025 09:43

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 09:36

Also my car insurance needs renewing in next few days

You're doing really well. It's a deep hole you've dug yourself, keep building that ladder. And recognise that people here chasing updates are keeping your feet to the fire in a positive way

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 10:55

daleylama · 04/07/2025 09:43

You're doing really well. It's a deep hole you've dug yourself, keep building that ladder. And recognise that people here chasing updates are keeping your feet to the fire in a positive way

Show quote history

Thank you I really appreciate it

OP posts:

LaughingCowIsEvil · 04/07/2025 13:08

There is something a bit “off” about your posts/this thread but I can’t identify it. I am NOT trolling hunting, just trying to put my finger on what exactly doesn’t “add up”. A lot of information just seems to contradict itself - you had all those months worth of rubbish (a “assault course covering the floor” yet you just managed to hide it in a cupboard? You have enough clothes to have worn a new outfit each day? Where are your dirty clothes? you’ve managed to do weeks worth of washing up with a kettle? For the last 18 months you shower regularly at a sports centre? I’m not even going to go into the random man on the internet stuff as there are so many contradictions in what you say there.

I think also it’s the rented flat and appliances aspect that’s odd. Your landlord and contractors have visited to inspect/fit new boiler etc but haven’t raised any concerns. You can’t manage to speak to the landlord to say the boiler isn’t working. For eighteen months! or the washing machine. You can’t get it together to call a mechanic for your car. Yet you’ve got your shit together enough to sell a house from a distance and invest sensibly near a million pounds with due diligence etc?

also, and I speak from personal experience here ! - you’re clinically obese with BMI plus 35 yet you “jog”? That’s kind of light hearted btw as I don’t think you’re a person who is “trolling with evil intent” so to speak. I think maybe you want attention - especially of the “cheering on you’ve got this” type support you’re getting here - and perhaps some of your posts more true than others, or you’re telescoping different times in your life perhaps. You’ll get the actual support you need on Mumsnet but be genuinely honest, not this faux “I really don’t understand what’s happened with this man but I said then he said…I’m being totally honest here, this is my situation, I’m very embarrassed but look - I’ve changed already” because to me at least it just doesn’t ring true.

I hope you take this in the spirit in which it’s intended. If I thought you were a “troll troll” I’d report.

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 13:20

LaughingCowIsEvil · 04/07/2025 13:08

There is something a bit “off” about your posts/this thread but I can’t identify it. I am NOT trolling hunting, just trying to put my finger on what exactly doesn’t “add up”. A lot of information just seems to contradict itself - you had all those months worth of rubbish (a “assault course covering the floor” yet you just managed to hide it in a cupboard? You have enough clothes to have worn a new outfit each day? Where are your dirty clothes? you’ve managed to do weeks worth of washing up with a kettle? For the last 18 months you shower regularly at a sports centre? I’m not even going to go into the random man on the internet stuff as there are so many contradictions in what you say there.

I think also it’s the rented flat and appliances aspect that’s odd. Your landlord and contractors have visited to inspect/fit new boiler etc but haven’t raised any concerns. You can’t manage to speak to the landlord to say the boiler isn’t working. For eighteen months! or the washing machine. You can’t get it together to call a mechanic for your car. Yet you’ve got your shit together enough to sell a house from a distance and invest sensibly near a million pounds with due diligence etc?

also, and I speak from personal experience here ! - you’re clinically obese with BMI plus 35 yet you “jog”? That’s kind of light hearted btw as I don’t think you’re a person who is “trolling with evil intent” so to speak. I think maybe you want attention - especially of the “cheering on you’ve got this” type support you’re getting here - and perhaps some of your posts more true than others, or you’re telescoping different times in your life perhaps. You’ll get the actual support you need on Mumsnet but be genuinely honest, not this faux “I really don’t understand what’s happened with this man but I said then he said…I’m being totally honest here, this is my situation, I’m very embarrassed but look - I’ve changed already” because to me at least it just doesn’t ring true.

I hope you take this in the spirit in which it’s intended. If I thought you were a “troll troll” I’d report.

I’ll address one thing at a time in your long old as there is a lot to address.

Firstly YES I am obese at 35 BMI but I’ve been jogging twice this morning and only just come back from my second one m

Also ok I admit I do wear the same clothes for ages but I’ve also got clean clothes

YES I stacked the bags on top of each other in a large cupboard type structure

NO one this year has been round to check the boiler it was actually a smoke alarm

i shower in a sports centre but also go through long periods of not showering at all

OP posts:

Original poster

MuchTerraine · 04/07/2025 13:21

I did all the finance /due diligence stuff before Xmas but lapsed since then

OP posts:

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 13:41

I really don't understand why you've not reported the washing machine and boiler either. Is the machine the landlords or yours?

Tell me the boiler make and model and I'll find out how to get hot water.
You need to be washing OP and wearing clean clothes. You're not living in poverty with that kind of money in your account.

Macaroni46 · 04/07/2025 14:50

LaughingCowIsEvil · 04/07/2025 13:08

There is something a bit “off” about your posts/this thread but I can’t identify it. I am NOT trolling hunting, just trying to put my finger on what exactly doesn’t “add up”. A lot of information just seems to contradict itself - you had all those months worth of rubbish (a “assault course covering the floor” yet you just managed to hide it in a cupboard? You have enough clothes to have worn a new outfit each day? Where are your dirty clothes? you’ve managed to do weeks worth of washing up with a kettle? For the last 18 months you shower regularly at a sports centre? I’m not even going to go into the random man on the internet stuff as there are so many contradictions in what you say there.

I think also it’s the rented flat and appliances aspect that’s odd. Your landlord and contractors have visited to inspect/fit new boiler etc but haven’t raised any concerns. You can’t manage to speak to the landlord to say the boiler isn’t working. For eighteen months! or the washing machine. You can’t get it together to call a mechanic for your car. Yet you’ve got your shit together enough to sell a house from a distance and invest sensibly near a million pounds with due diligence etc?

also, and I speak from personal experience here ! - you’re clinically obese with BMI plus 35 yet you “jog”? That’s kind of light hearted btw as I don’t think you’re a person who is “trolling with evil intent” so to speak. I think maybe you want attention - especially of the “cheering on you’ve got this” type support you’re getting here - and perhaps some of your posts more true than others, or you’re telescoping different times in your life perhaps. You’ll get the actual support you need on Mumsnet but be genuinely honest, not this faux “I really don’t understand what’s happened with this man but I said then he said…I’m being totally honest here, this is my situation, I’m very embarrassed but look - I’ve changed already” because to me at least it just doesn’t ring true.

I hope you take this in the spirit in which it’s intended. If I thought you were a “troll troll” I’d report.

I agree.

ShamrockShenanigans · 04/07/2025 15:29

OP, you've had loads of offers to tell us the make and model of your boiler, so someone can give you a very simple guide to switching it on and firing it up.

LaughingCowIsEvil · 04/07/2025 16:25

Sorry, there is just so many “holes” in your posts @MuchTerraine. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt that there was something else going on and you’d be honest, but now I’m not so sure.

Apart from the obvious holes like you say you live in a house, and then a first floor flat…the boiler not working versus just hasn’t been used etc, there’s the just “how could it actually be a genuine situation in RL” stuff you’ve been chatting constantly with some guy yet he doesn’t know you don’t work?! IME that’s usually one of the first topics that comes up or is established in conversations at some point very early on.

Also, where in heavens name do you put half a years worth of all recycling, if your car isn’t working to take it all to the tip? In my long life I’ve never seen every single recycling category communal bin (if you do live in a flat) empty enough at the same time for one resident to do this. Even the evening after “bin day”! And if you do live in a house, your recycling bins wouldn’t fit it. I may be wrong as not scrolled back but didn’t you say it took you 2.5hrs to do it? That’s a lot of recycling, especially if you are fit enough to exercise at the level you say you are with your BMI.

it just doesn’t add up which is what makes me think there’s something else going on. I was hoping you’d just say whatever it is (eg ok you were scared of judgement but you met this guy on a fetish forum or he’s married, or you’ve inherited all this money but have still been claiming UC etc etc) instead of doubling down, so I’m out.

Change9944 · 04/07/2025 17:00

LaughingCowIsEvil · 04/07/2025 16:25

Sorry, there is just so many “holes” in your posts @MuchTerraine. I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt that there was something else going on and you’d be honest, but now I’m not so sure.

Apart from the obvious holes like you say you live in a house, and then a first floor flat…the boiler not working versus just hasn’t been used etc, there’s the just “how could it actually be a genuine situation in RL” stuff you’ve been chatting constantly with some guy yet he doesn’t know you don’t work?! IME that’s usually one of the first topics that comes up or is established in conversations at some point very early on.

Also, where in heavens name do you put half a years worth of all recycling, if your car isn’t working to take it all to the tip? In my long life I’ve never seen every single recycling category communal bin (if you do live in a flat) empty enough at the same time for one resident to do this. Even the evening after “bin day”! And if you do live in a house, your recycling bins wouldn’t fit it. I may be wrong as not scrolled back but didn’t you say it took you 2.5hrs to do it? That’s a lot of recycling, especially if you are fit enough to exercise at the level you say you are with your BMI.

it just doesn’t add up which is what makes me think there’s something else going on. I was hoping you’d just say whatever it is (eg ok you were scared of judgement but you met this guy on a fetish forum or he’s married, or you’ve inherited all this money but have still been claiming UC etc etc) instead of doubling down, so I’m out.

I have to agree with this. I think you are detached from reality OP. Sat in a house that sounds very unclean and cluttered with piles of dirty clothes, no hot water a filthy bedroom but fixating on some man who you have basically catfished. The broken washing machine and boiler you don't know how to use are things your landlord is responsible for, it literally won't cost you a penny.
I think you should be looking at therapy immediately and focusing your time and attention on that, not waiting for messages from this man, who tbh sounds like an absolute creep.