Feeling Down AIBU?

[MuchTerraine]

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life.

Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that.

He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice.

Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions.

Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily.

AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

Look at you go @MuchTerraine

Another one here cheering you on!

It took me 6 months to "research" a new mattress so I get you. I finally chose one by just going and trying them out. It was a fun trip!

Update :

OK I hadn’t recycled at all since before Xmas. I’ve now taken out ALL the Diet Coke bottles and cans. Although I’ve got a bit more recycling to do, it’s the Diet Coke bottles that were by far the major component. And I’ve sorted them all out in less than 24 hours. This time yesterday. there were plastic bags full of them in the lounge, kitchen and hall and they were a HUGE tripping hazard. Now I’m pleased to say my lounge is clear!!

I’d love to have a nice new memory foam mattress !!

Yes I’m very wary of who I mention my financial situation to - no one needs to know !!

I’d love a flat in a purpose built block but I’m very wary of potential service charge issues. - particularly actually after reading a few threads on here !

Yes I agree I’ve been very invested in our daily personal online chats. I miss them now they’re not there.

I know about inheritance issues. I’m an only child but even before my inheritance more remote family members as it were were trying to screw me over to get their hands on it. I told them all to f**k off and never contact me again.

yes i definitely need to spend the money on improving my living circumstances

I’m now off to sort out 40 empty plastic bags and put them away somewhere !!

Wish me luck !

Thank you - it means so much to me that you all invite me to keep posting !

I’m generally in much better spirits today. I think I was expecting that chap to message me at various points yesterday and when I checked my phone and realised he hadn’t I’d get dejected all over again - whereas I’m not expecting him to message today

I’ve really got to put in 3 hours of work now

please wish me luck peeps !

@MuchTerraine you've got this! Also you've inspired me to sort out my laundry so see you when we're both done 😄

Update - just recycled every single plastic butter tub I’ve used since last December !

Ah that’s excellent!

Mattress - advice is to replace every 8 years. The Queen used to buy a new one every 3 years! Good luck Op, you’re doing brilliantly 😊

Ah thanks I’ve had mine 9 years but the stuffing’s
coming out of it !!

OP it sounds like you have been stuck for a long time. Sometimes when things feel overwhelming it's hard to move forward because making a start is so hard. But you have done so well. You should be very proud. What's next? Personally I would go for the boiler. How about planning some lovely treats for yourself too? Nice facial or nails, lovely candle etc

OP it sounds like you are on the right track and making a great start to improving your life, admittedly I haven’t read every single post but would it be possible for you to find a local friendship group, lunch club or something to actually talk to people in real life?
As previous posters have said, don’t be in a hurry to tell new people too much, certainly not your inheritance details.
Obviously we don’t know what area of the country you are in but here (London borough) the council run friendship groups which could be supportive for you.
Good luck though and keep posting!

Thank you so much !! Treats seem a very good idea!

I need to take some stuff to the charity shop next

Thank you. Those friendship groups seem a really good idea

Thanks again to everyone who’s contributed

Let’s face it, as far as that guy was concerned - I was waving more red flags than a Marxist convention!

Update: about to walk to Sainsbury’s to use Nectar points on essentials

You sound like a lovely person who responds well to a little support and external motivation I agree with those saying you need to concentrate on yourself first. I am concerned that the combination of your vulnerable state and this inheritance could lead to you being exploited though. I hope you have someone trustworthy who is looking out for you, and who you can lean on for support. If not maybe a chat with your GP?

Are you being careful with money? Do you find it hard to spend?

Please don’t feel ashamed, sometimes life can really get on top of us and things like personal health and the care of our homes can feel like an overwhelming task.

did things begin to get on top of you after your partner died? I wonder whether you have been grieving all this time and perhaps a beginning to come out of that.

well done on your weight loss, and taking back some control of your surroundings. I’m sorry this friend has pulled back on you just when you were beginning to open up about your life. It really is his loss, but perhaps he gets to be your practice person that helps you to see that there is a lot of life to live and many new people to meet and have fun with. Good luck with your weight loss, you are doing amazingly.

Thanks very much for your lovely comments.

I feel in this particular time - I had a problem in work around 2017 and that’s when it all went wrong

Thanks everyone again for your great support on my thread.

I worry sometimes that the chap I was friendly with thought I might’ve even been trying to put him off deliberately by saying all this