Feeling Down AIBU?

[MuchTerraine]

I was messaging a guy online - good connection and daily chat but no chance of real life relationship. I’m fine with that and completely understand. We have good chats about our day to day life online and banter. I love it. I’ve never met him in real life.

Anyway, yesterday I think I gave away a bit too much info on my current living standards. I’ve put a lot of weight on but am now on a diet and in last few months and years I’ve let household standard slip - lights in several rooms don’t work and my house is very cluttered. I live alone after my partner died suddenly in 2010. There is currently no hot water or heating as I haven’t worked out how to work my new boiler. My bedding is ancient and needs replacing and my washing machine and car don’t work. I’ve put on loads of weight through overeating but in the past week lost a stone so I’m starting to get a grip on that.

He seemed surprised when I mentioned all this to him and became more business like and cold - but he gave me good advice.

Today’s the first day in ages he hasn’t messaged me. I miss his messages.and feel a sense of shame because I feel he’s likely backed away from me because of what I said about my living conditions.

Just to give context - in the past week I’ve really got a got a grip on both my weight and fitness and taken huge strides to make improvements in my living conditions -cleared loads etc. I’ve lost a stone in the past week and am doing cardio exercises and weights daily.

AIBU to miss his messages and feel sad he’s backed away?

And your landlord didn't mention anything to you about the piles of rubbish everywhere?

You are doing so well OP.

If you have so many clothes you've not needed to wash any for months on end that is a LOT of clothing! Maybe that could be your next declutter challenge to yourself?

Did you not mention to your landlord in March that you couldn't get the boiler working?

I'm sure if they'd have known, they'd have sorted it there and then.

When he came the piles of rubbish were stacked in a cupboard so not seen

Quick update:

Just returned from the gym. Went out at 7pm and walked there and back. Did half an hour on the X trainer and new for this week did some reps of the leg weights machine

I think why I feel down about losing that bloke is that online relationship can really feel like a real life relationship - if he went out for the evening he’d share photos of him with his mates it was lovely

Three whole days no message 🥲

Hi me lovelies - ok important update.

My online chap has in the past half hour private messaged me to ask how everything’s going

I'm guessing since you said you didn't meet on a dating app and it was a normal platform it was Facebook (you said you had an out of date picture on there) I'm presuming he sent you a message being friendly and it's turned to him trying to talk dirty and ask for photos.
He's not a nice guy. Block him and concentrate on speaking to your landlord or someone else about your boiler and washing machine. You've made a start on sorting things out but you are wearing dirty clothes and washing in a sports centre and sleeping in a dirty bed this is not normal behaviour this should be your focus not sat waiting for this guy to message you.

Yes we met on a ‘normal’ platform not on any kind of dating app and yes he’s asked for photos …

And you still think he's a nice guy?

He’s sent photos of himself - just normal family album type ones - nothing dodgy

And what kind of photos does he want from you?

Same - I’ve sent nothing dodgy - after all - my attitude is - this is Facebook - not Only Fans!!!

Little and often is the way to go. Build up good habits. "Kitchen sink lady" approach might appeal to you

Ah thanks for heads up 🙌

Yeah but he's hinting at that, you've said he's tried dirty talk with you.
Out of interest are you sending him current pictures or 15 yr old ones?

Oversharing is never a good idea in the early stages of any kind of relationship. It should take time to get to that level. This guy sounds decent but women who are open and vulnerable can be a beacon to abusive men. So be careful out there and try to hold something of yourself back.
I think the chat was always going to fritter at some point if there was no chance of meeting up. And even though you sound lovely and it’s great that you’re on the path to self-improvement, realistically, many would back off after hearing about your lifestyle.
I’m really sorry, OP. It’s very hard once that emotional connection has gone, but please don’t give up on what you’re doing and try to find happiness in other ways x

Oh, I’ve just read the bit about the sexual chat. That is only ok if both people are comfortable with it. Never compromise yourself!

OP has said it makes her uncomfortable and is doing her head in. I'd say it's very one-sided.

I'd hazard a guess and say the guy Is from another country.my friend is very lonely and men pick up on this and love bomb then ignore.shes been in tears many times over this , and after years I'm finally getting through to her.Shes had to start therapy to help her realise she's one of many that they talk to at the same time,and it means nothing to these men.

We’ve both sent pics of us in family album type pics of us growing up and on family holidays type pics etc etc so yes all pics I sent are older than 15 years my profile pic is from 2010 and I’ve not sent any photos from later than that - but realistically- I haven’t got any !!!!

Yes I agree that being open and vulnerable is a beacon to abusive men

but I’ve also been screwed over by abusive women in offices - under the guise of ‘friendship’ (yeah,right)

as of last night the emotional connection seems back on

Totally agree.

No my guy is DEFFO not from another country

sorry to hear about your friend’s predicament

Gently, OP, I think you’re psychologically over-dependent on this stranger’s attention. It isn’t an ‘emotional connection’. He’s a total stranger, and you’re very vulnerable. I’d step right back, and focus on yourself, therapy, getting past the hoarding etc.