Feeling wounded by DP's comment about a fitness video I sent him.

[ExplosiveDiorEar]

Today I achieved a big personal fitness goal I've been working towards for about a year - squatting 1.5x my body weight for five reps.

A woman I train with videoed me doing it. In the video, the gym instructor is stood a step or two behind me, has his hands level with my armpits and is squatting along with me. All very standard practice for spotting someone when they're lifting.

I sent the video to DP.

At the end of the session, the gym instructor gave me a creme egg and was really effusive in his praise. The woman I train with was also full of hearty congratulations. I came away feeling completely pumped and proud.

When I got home, I did a muscle man pose for DP as soon I was through the front door and said "Well, what did you think?" I hoped expected some kind words or congratulations. He knows how hard I've worked for this and has been supportive.

But he just said "Tom's a bit handsy isn't he?"

It completely took the wind out of my sails. I know I'm probably overreacting but I just felt so gutted that's the first thing DP said. No "well done" or "great work", just a comment about the instructor. Even if DP had legitimate concerns about the gym instructor being handsy (which he's not at all), surely he could've saved them until later or tomorrow.

Sorry, I just feel deflated. I'm probably overreacting.

Everything my husband does is interesting to me, I would be very proud and want to know if he achieved a personal goal

Haven’t read all the comments but I’m bloody impressed, I can squat half my weight but dream of doing more

If he wasn't even touching you, was it a joke that fell flat?

That’s called coercive control these days

I’d have laughed at the muscle man pose 😂

To keep for herself and maybe share with her husband is not being a show off!

More fool you, door mat.

He’s jealous of your achievements. It’s as simple as that.

You’re just showing your ignorance here, it’s not a “muscle man pose”, it’s a standard way of spotting someone squatting when they are lifting heavy.

The OP said she did a ‘muscle man’ pose to her DH when she got home after the gym.
I’d have laughed too, because it’s obvious she meant it to be funny.

Oh right I missed that. Sorry for slight snark there.
, I still think her husband is a dick, though.

She did it as a joke, so that would have been fine.

I kind of feel it should be for your partner, no?

Exactly. I never realised what low expectations some people have from their relationships until I joined MN!

Only one person was overreacting and it wasn't you, Tom, or the woman videoing. It was DP. Can't even pump out a, "Proud of you, hun!" High five and THEN, " SO what's up with Tom. I thought he was a bit too close." That, I fear, is insecurity.

A bit? He sounds very insecure indeed!

Agree with this.
Long term he's not a good bet if his go to is to dismiss you like that.
Fantastic achievement.
Keep going.

THIS!

In real life only you and your coach are interested, shocked you thought anyone else would be.

He's feeling insecure and for him it's all about him and how this makes him feel. Is he like this in other situations too?

You wouldn’t expect your partner to show any interest at all in you achieving something that made you proud of yourself and happy?

You’d really be ‘shocked’ if a partner showed any interest in something you achieved if they didn’t happen to share the same hobby?

What a miserable bar for a relationship!

Plenty of people enjoy cheering their fellow humans on. Most people can count on a bit of admiration and love from their spouse, at least, surely.

If you have a husband who negs you, though, perhaps you think that awful unsupportive behaviour is the norm.

EXACTLY. Had two exes, one gym bunny muscle man, one mountain biker. Always working towards their 'goals', always with their bullshit 'achievements', banging on about it. Jesus, it was tedious. Thankfully I wised up and dumped them before long.

I did make the right noises at the beginning, but you can't fake the interest indefinitely, can you. Oooooh, you lifted some weight, a bit heavier than last month, woopty doo, how amazing. Next time achieve something real, useful, with your brain maybe.

It's like 'weight loss goals'. So you were fat and now you're not. No one cares.

Unless your hobby was “sleeping with other men”, more fool you.

Tell me you have no family or friends without telling me you have no family or friends.