Dumped for kissing someone else….do I contact?

[Lolololalaura]

So I am a horrible person and have made a massive mistake.

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 years. We’ve never lived together but live close by to each other. I kissed someone else and yesterday I admitted it to him by text (I’m away and that’s where it happened)

He replied “It’s over. You have no integrity. Don’t contact me again”

i haven’t been able to explain myself am I being unreasonable to want to message him today or do I literally just not contact him as requested. When people in break ups say don’t contact do they actually mean it!?

OP nothing you can say or do will make your partner say “yeah you’re right, you should have kissed them”. Get over yourself and accept that you were in the wrong. Actions have consequences. Deal with it.

You cheated.
That crossed a red line for him.
There’s nothing to discuss.
It’s over.

He's slightly controlling and so you would never be able to talk with him about what you really want.

Wild. But of course it must be the man's fault.

Why did you let him know by text 🙈..
Anyway, If it was just a drunken kiss on holidays , I wouldn’t have said anything, people can do stupid things on holiday, & I’m presuming you are young , it’s not like you slept with him ..
If you felt he really should know, I would have waited until I got home to tell him ..
Once again though , why did you tell him !!!!
And before I get roasted for the above advice , yes , I would give the same advice to a young lad ..
Hopefully OP , he will contact you when you’re back to chat 🤞

Unless someone forced themselves on you or it was a peck on the cheek then you have nothing to explain and don’t need to contact him unless it’s about giving him any items back that you have at your house.

What did you think would happen when you admitted cheating?

my husband would do exactly the same thing.

Yabu, you cheated and your ex says he doesn't want any contact with you, please respect that, he doesn't owe you to let you explain. When people ask you to not speak to them, they do generally mean it.

He’s controlling?

fuck me, I know there are some posters always keen to decide a man is an arse but on this occasion he’s done precisely nothing wrong at all. Yet you’re still happy to label him controlling.

fucking bonkers

Wow!

With that quick response, he was just waiting for an excuse to finish with you. You gave him the excuse.
the fact you kissed someone else may suggest you were not that interested. Was it a set up of convenience for both of you…?

One of the very BEST responses to date!!!
Thank you for sharing such wise counsel 🤔😊👍🏼👍🏽

Question is 🤔
I guess the key answer is!
What exactly made you want to - kiss somebody else - when you were already in a commited 3 year relationship?

We ALL make mistakes however now that he wants his space - let him cool down & figure out if he wants you back or if that's one bitter lesson to learn from life our fallible human nature 😰🙃😬

I think you did the right thing by telling him. So 👏 for that. Many lesser mortals wouldn't have bothered. So I think you have integrity.
Just clock it up to life experience and move on. Plenty more fish in the sea etc.
Plus if you were that amazingly keen on him would you have kissed someone else?
Don't sweat it. But look at what went wrong and learn something out of this experience.

I missed the science lesson when we were told saliva wasn’t a vodily fluid.

Funny how he’s the “drip” for walking away, but not a peep about OP throwing away a three-year relationship for a kiss. Kissing isn’t some casual handshake, it’s intimate, it’s cheating, and it breaks trust. Maybe instead of eye-rolling at boundaries, OP should reflect on why they crossed one in the first place and give the poor bloke the space he clearly asked for.

It kind of doesn't matter so YABU. I don't get 'only a kiss' mindsets... I'd happily have sex with anyone I kissed and vice versa. No 'grades' of what I would deem allowable, just sexual compatibility or not.

So if you've crossed that line, for me the trust would be totally gone. I guess your BF feels the same?

OP’s not even bothered coming back and explains the circumstances.. was it a stranger? A friend, work colleague,,,, was it full on snog?….

I would message an apology and try to call him when you’re home… don’t make excuses, just apologise.

I think everyone should always accept no means no.

If it was important to talk through maybe you should have told him F2F when you were back instead of breaking his heart via text. Leave him alone unless he messages you

You confessed by text, says it all. Grow up.

Sending a text rather than discussing this face to face if you are due back (or sparking if not) wasn’t the right move.

He’s made it clear it’s a deal breaker for him whatever the circumstances and clear he doesn’t want further contact.

You need to accept his wishes - or it’s a further integrity issue and could be construed as harassment.

There’s no explanation that will change the basic fact and more importantly he doesn’t want to hear one.

Try to forgive yourself for what’s happened, though, learn from the mistake grieve and move on, not define yourself as “a horrible person”.

Have a think about ‘why did I do it’.

Is it possible you aren’t totally happy with your relationship? perhaps some reflection on this, without beating yourself up, is needed.

And don’t call your (former) BF again either.

You need to sort this for yourself to move forward either on your own or if he needs to talk through the finer details, because if I was him, I would be asking myself ‘why’ too.

sending hugs for this difficult time. We’ve all made mighty big mistakes too.

Why on earth did you tell him! What did you expect would happen?

Well, there’s ‘kissing’ and kissing, isn’t there?

We don’t know the full circumstances that you haven’t outlined in your post, so I’d reserve judgment unless and until I knew this. To dump someone after 3 years for a kiss seems unnecessarily dramatic, personally.

What do you hope to achieve with an explanation? Less guilt? Make him happier? Does your explanation actually change anything much to reason you want to do it ? Why would you send your admission of guilt via a text message? That must have been so hard to read. I don’t think you left him much choice as to how to react…

Let's say it was the other way around, and your BF of 3 years told you BY TEXT that they kissed someone else. Would you really bother to want a discussion or would you think, "WOW, this person has such little respect for me and I am worth so much more"

Kissing someone else was bad enough, but you've told him by text. Can you not see how disrespectful both aspects are? Are you honestly surprised by his reaction?

You texted him to let him know you cheated on him?

Yes, he means dont contact. However, since it as been a 3 year relationship give him space. Once you get home. Send him a message apologising (not explaining) and offder to meet in person. If he says no, accept it.