Dumped for kissing someone else….do I contact?

[Lolololalaura]

So I am a horrible person and have made a massive mistake.

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 years. We’ve never lived together but live close by to each other. I kissed someone else and yesterday I admitted it to him by text (I’m away and that’s where it happened)

He replied “It’s over. You have no integrity. Don’t contact me again”

i haven’t been able to explain myself am I being unreasonable to want to message him today or do I literally just not contact him as requested. When people in break ups say don’t contact do they actually mean it!?

The ex can't be sure it's only a kiss, though. He probably trusted her not to kiss someone on holiday. She's untrustworthy. It won't really matter if she says, "it was only a kiss, I promise!"

But that’s you. This guy didn’t feel that way. And in a relationship with no children, you can leave whenever, and for whatever reason.

I’ll remind you of this when your husband/wife does it.

As they say, sometimes the Dildo of Consequences ain't lubed. I am impressed by his self respect.

I'd like to hear an explanation as to why she kissed someone, but OP seems to have disappeared from this thread and is not explaining to anyone. Perhaps it is not real.

We need more women like this man. Clearly not a walkover why on earth would you do this on text I’m not quite sure what you was hoping for back?

Absolutely. If more women stuck to their boundaries from the start we’d get less of the ‘he’s such a lovely kind man but……(list of more red flags than the Russian Army) ‘ threads on here daily

And won’t men (and women) be pleased to know they can kiss other people because it’s silly to have that as a deal breaker and, well there are wars going on so get over yourself. So everyone in relationships, get kissing randoms because apparently it’s ok and not at all detrimental to your existing relationship.

Maybe she tripped and fell onto his mouth? What else could qualify as an ‘explanation’. 😏

His choice to split up. Most peeps on here agree with him as do I.
Acting like a baby is a stupid expression. Babies wouldn't behave like that anyway.
Take it you are one of the 5% who said yanbu.
For all her ex knows she might have shagged the random but is not admitting to that.
I wouldn't want anything to do with her either.

😆

Leave him alone op. There is nothing to explain as I assume you did this of your own free will. You made your decision to kiss someone else. He made his decision that being alone is better than being with a cheat. Respect his decision and let him come to terms that his three year relationship is over.

At three years in, presumably no house, marriage or kids i think he is doing the right thing. Why bother with a cheat, there’s millions of people in the world - why share your life with someone who’s values don’t align.

Ask yourself why you betrayed yourself and your values. And if kissing others, while in a relationship, aligns with your values then ask yourself why you promised your ex monogamy when you don’t truly believe in monogamy. You betrayed yourself first. Learn from this and move forwards.

Not sure there’s such a thing as French CPR 😂😂😂

Well you fucked up there girl.

Wild guess: you were disatisfied with something (a sense of the distance) in the perfect relationship. He's slightly controlling and so you would never be able to talk with him about what you really want. So you provoked this.
How do i know? I don't. but you just told us.
No-one is going to tell you he is controlling if it's very carefully done. Its your job to spot it and to look after yourself.

Or reported for harassment, which is certainly what I would do.

Why did you tell him? Most people would have forgotten it and moved on, but if you felt an explanation was needed, you could have waited until you were seeing him face to face. Did you hope that you would feel better by making him feel bad?

Wow, I can't believe the numbers of critical, and some downright nasty, responses on here.
Have all you sanctimonious people never made a mistake?

OP, you are not a terrible person. Yes you have made a huge mistake, and no you probably won't be able to fix it - and I can understand how much that hurts.

I guess you texted him straight away because you knew you'd done something wrong and wanted to get it out in the open and not make a secret of it. A laudable aim, but it backfired on you.

All you can do now is respect his request not to contact him. As someone said earlier you could ask him for a f2f meeting when you get back, just to give yourself some closure.

And what you did isn't necessarily unforgivable. Couples DO manage to stay together after infidelity (and yours is very minor, it was only a kiss), but it does take work on both sides.

Leave him alone - wait for him to come to you, which may happen in time, especially if you have shared hobbies and may see each other around.

Think about going through a mutual friend if you have valuable items left at his place / things to return to him.

Write what you want to say to him down for your own purposes. Think about sharing it with a sympathetic friend so you have someone to talk in through with. He's allowed to end the relationship and you're allowed to feel however you feel about it.

I'm fundamentally polyamorous and wouldn't in principle have a problem with a partner kissing somebody else but I would have a problem with somebody not keeping to the agreements the relationship has. Something to think about for the future is how you define monogamy - is random kissing at parties something you want to have as ok in a future relationship? Does it matter who? - it's entirely usual to negotiate that a partner doesn't get involved with someone you work with or your cousins etc. Generally agreements are mutual - it's not fair to want to kiss others but object to your partner doing the same even if people end up acting differently.

I wouldn't of disclosed this in a text in fact why say anything at all.
Did the kiss mean anything , ask yourself why you kissed somebody else.
Give him the space he has asked for if he doesn't contact you in the future maybe see if he will let you explain and ask to meet up if not you need to respect that and look at your own actions .

Is “I kissed someone” some MN code for “we had 48 hours of raucous non stop sex?” Because all these “you’ve been unfaithful” responses certainly give me that idea. The OP kissed someone. Sometimes these things happen. If the BF is so emotionally fragile he can’t bear that, he’s not much of a man and she’s better off without such a possessive prima donna. My advice is don’t contact him, not because you're a scarlet woman who doesn’t deserve this fine fellow but rather because this bloke has revealed himself as a jealous control freak you’re better without.

Why don't you wait to get home and then try speaking to him?

To be honest you probably could have waited until you got back and told him in person and then you might have been able to explain yourself

What do you hope to gain from explaining yourself? Presumably to salve your conscience? It won't help the poor man.

YABU.

I genuinely don't think these things happen? I have never kissed someone behind a partners back because I love them and it wouldn't cross my mind.

I'd also be devastated if a partner did it to me. As I said up thread, it's not just the kiss, it's the flirting/intimacy or whatever led up to it. Picturing my partner getting cozy with someone else, knowing they found that person so attractive they wanted to kiss them and me not being a single thought in their mind.

However, I don't believe the OP is a terrible person. Many think these things just happen even if I don't, so maybe something missing in the relationship? But I fully support anyone who sees it as a hard line because I would.

There may be a chance of reconciliation if they're able to talk, but things like this aren't simply forgotten by what I thought would be most people - clearly I'm wrong as the opinion is divided!

Should have properly read the post I replied to as now I see it must be a troll post seeing as it's that ridiculous.