Dumped for kissing someone else….do I contact?

[Lolololalaura]

So I am a horrible person and have made a massive mistake.

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 years. We’ve never lived together but live close by to each other. I kissed someone else and yesterday I admitted it to him by text (I’m away and that’s where it happened)

He replied “It’s over. You have no integrity. Don’t contact me again”

i haven’t been able to explain myself am I being unreasonable to want to message him today or do I literally just not contact him as requested. When people in break ups say don’t contact do they actually mean it!?

I would message him again and keep doing so every few days. He might be able to get past a kiss if you haven’t done anything like this previously?

Did you cheat because you’re unhappy, don’t find him attractive anymore? Drunk?

Did You tell him out of guilt, or did someone else know about it and would’ve told him?

He has no idea whether it's " just" a kiss or not : cheaters always tell the minimum truth they think they can get away with.

And even if it was " only" a kiss he is entitled to have whatever boundaries he is comfortable with.

Also for OP to disclose this by text was very insensitive and dismissive of him.

That’s one way to get yourself blocked

This. Poor form op.

'Just' a kiss is still a big problem for many of us. Maybe his response isn't the most mature, but neither is kissing someone when you're supposedly in an exclusive relationship.

OP, you have nothing to lose, at this point. If you think there's a chance he can forgive you, you can obviously contact him again. Trying to see him face to face might be better, though.

Thats harrassment - when someone has told you they don't want any further contact, continually messaging them isn't acceptable behaviour!

If he decides he can get past a kiss, perhaps if he knows more, then he can contact the OP himself.

Jesus, how childish, how old are you both?

You text him that info and expected him to be ok? And then you need to come on here and ask whether you should message him again?

You told him by text and he dumped you by text. How did you think it would all work out?

It was a bit mad to tell him by text. But what a fuss over a kiss.

@WiddlinDiddlinI’m not suggesting she harasses him to the point that he needs a restraining order.

Of course she’s going to try and get in touch again if she wants to save the relationship.

If my partner had done this and didn’t try messaging me at all, then that would be my sign to definitely not get back with him.

He has made his feelings clear. Whilst some people may be able to live with "it was just a kiss" for most people, the trust is gone and there is no moving past that. You also took the cowards way out by texting him, you should have waited and told him in person.

Good for him, having such solid boundaries.

I think all the things you’re feeling - the “but I didn’t get to explainnn…” frustration, the uncertainty etc are all part of the consequences of what you did. That lack of closure, regret, of feeling stupid…you know you deserve this.

Remember how this feels with your next partner, and don’t do it again, obviously.

What explanation do you have that you think makes this ok?

You're away right now, don't contact him until you're back home.
When you're back send him a message to say sorry and that you'd like to talk. If he accepts that then you can try "explain", but if not and he still doesn't want to talk to you then you've learnt a lesson about cheating and its consequences.

I don't think the black and white approach you're receiving here is helpful. We don't know the reasons you kissed someone else - they could be forgivable. Eg. I'd forgive a drunken kiss with a stranger that didn't mean anything if there was genuine remorse. But you telling him by text was a terrible idea.

I would respond something like "I'm so sorry. It was a horrific mistake and I'm so ashamed. I won't contact you again if you don't want me to, but if you would be willing to hear me out, I can explain myself. I should never have told you this by text. Again, I'm terribly sorry and you're absolutely right, that night I had no integrity and behaved in a way I'm so ashamed of"

Then if he never responds unfortunately you leave it at that and never contact him again.

You’d never be saying that if it was a man posting about kissing someone who wasn’t his girlfriend.

I'd be really interested to hear what sort of an 'explanation' you're planning to give him that you think is going to make it better.

'Yes I kissed another man but...but...but...'

You should either have told him in person or said nothing at all.

Its not the kiss its how you told him.

Leave him alone.
I mean, I'm interested in how you could possibly explain yourself, but he's not. Respect that.

I’m not going to have a go at you, Op, Sins and stones and all that. Why did you tell him though. You should have kept your mouth shut.

Why did you do it? Are you genuinely drawn to this other person? Is there something there? You are now free to pursue that. If not - what were you thinking???

Why did you feel you needed to tell him - to upset him, make him jealous, get some kind of revenge, simple spite?

And why did you do it by text? Casual, off hand and dismissive.

And why in earth are you so surprised he has done what women here are urged to do every day - to find self respect and look at whether that is the kind of attitude and treatment he's happy to live with, and in his case to say no?

Suck it up, learn from it and leave him in peace.

Hopefully he's already blocked her to avoid harassment from an ex.

Why would you text him that? YABVU. Do nothing, certainly at least until you get back. Don't be tempted to text him again, nothing you can text can make it better.

To quote a wise ex-boyfriend of yours

It’s over. You have no integrity. Don’t contact him again

Give him space. On his terms. If HE wants to hear your excuses HE will call you.