Dumped for kissing someone else….do I contact?

[Lolololalaura]

So I am a horrible person and have made a massive mistake.

Ive been with my boyfriend 3 years. We’ve never lived together but live close by to each other. I kissed someone else and yesterday I admitted it to him by text (I’m away and that’s where it happened)

He replied “It’s over. You have no integrity. Don’t contact me again”

i haven’t been able to explain myself am I being unreasonable to want to message him today or do I literally just not contact him as requested. When people in break ups say don’t contact do they actually mean it!?

Except she didn't say that... In fact she's being too hard on herself calling herself a horrible person. A horrible person wouldn't give a shit.

I was just about to write that it really matters what you said in the text, and then realised there is no way you can drop this bomb in a text. Nuance, emotion, context -- can't do any of that in a text. WTAF were you thinking? I mean, you cheated, that's the first error. The second is you told him by text. WHY? (Not why did you tell him, but why did you TEXT him?)

You dropped him a bomb in a text. Poor man. How cruel and cowardly. You have lost your chance to explain any context around why you did it. And even if you did, you were faithless. Leave him alone to get on with his own life.

Texting him added insult to injury tbh
If you wanted to give him context why didn't you ring, facetime or wait till you got back to speak face to face rather than text?

"When people in break ups say don’t contact do they actually mean it!?"

Yes.

You need to respect his wishes here

You've already massively disrespected him by kissing another man. He doesn't want to hear bullshit or sob stories.

You do have some integrity as you told him although it was a weasel way of doing it.

However, his action in dumping you is exactly what I would do. In fact, I did. About 30 years ago.

Move on. You are not deserving of the time or space for an explanation. You simply shouldn't have done it but you did. Some things cannot be undone.

🤣🤣🤣 you've got some quick wit.

Exactly this!

Just leave him. He’s said how he feels so respect it.

The time for an “explanation” was when you told him by text that you’d cheated on him. Did you expect to drop that on him then wait for his request for details or mitigating circumstances? You’ve behaved horribly, good for him telling you to leave him alone.

You’re getting a really hard time on here. It was a strange move to make this admission by text. It would have been a broader conversation in person. I wouldn’t bother contacting him unless it’s to do with retrieving belongings etc.

They’ve been together three years. He presumably doesn’t want to spend years more with someone who isn’t serious or trustworthy.

I prefer to be told horrible things by text. No way would I want to be told that in person. I like to be left alone with my emotions for a bit. I obviously have the communication skills of a slug.

We all make mistakes, learn from it and move on.

Disagree. A kiss would be relationship ending for me.

I wonder if the OP will bother to return to the thread?

Just want to say OP that you’re getting a lot of flack here but, you’re not a bad person. You’ve done a bad thing and it’s up to your boyfriend how he wants to approach that and if he wants to end things then fair enough. But personally I don’t think that makes you a bad thing, we all make mistakes

To kiss someone else when you’ve dated someone for 3 years is horrid. But to not even phone them, and to admit to it via text is disgusting behaviour. He’s completely right to react this way.

Man here, who dumped a cheating GF last year, and made a horlicks of it, lots of too and fro, emotion etc.. my big regret was not just cutting the relationship as your BF has done - so bravo to him for being so efficient!

You cheated, trust has gone and he clearly has decided that's it.

The puritans are out in force today. I think ending a 3 year relationship over text is hasty and that it would make sense to ask to have a conversation, ideally in person, if your ex is open to it. Personally I did forgive a boyfriend for kissing someone else many years ago and have gone on to have an exceptionally happy marriage with him. (Please don't hold your hopes up for this, if this guy says it's over then it's over. Just saying that these things are not always as "burn the witch" as the moral purists would have it.)

Yep, you blew it.

I don't think the black and white approach you're receiving here is helpful. We don't know the reasons you kissed someone else - they could be forgivable. Eg. I'd forgive a drunken kiss with a stranger that didn't mean anything if there was genuine remorse

That's you though, you're not the OP's partner so what you would do in this situation isn't relevant. Everyone saying "it's only a kiss" is missing the point. They may not feel that kissing someone else is a deal-breaker in a relationship, but plenty of people would and clearly OP's partner is one of them. He has every right to draw that boundary.

I also find pile-ons like the one on this thread really horrible. The OP accepts that she has made a big mistake and done something terrible. She is also struggling at the end of a serious relationship. For people to make post after post telling her that she is a terrible person is just bullying in my opinion, and frankly rather dangerous behaviour. This is a vulnerable person (by virtue of their situation), the keyboard warriors don't know how vulnerable she is, and you are not the hero you think you are by kicking someone when they are down. This is truly the worst of the internet.

I don't think the OP is a horrible person, but telling her BF by text was likely to create such a response, she should have talked to him an apologised in person - or kept quiet and never done it again. As it is her actions, and actions in respect of that have cost her the relationship.

If she was to try and mend things, I think that would have to be in person and done in a very respectful way (ie if he says bugger off, doing as asked)

It it the school holidays already? What on earth did you expect?

And, no you don't 🙄

Oh goody. A man is here....