MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

I’ll be honest that I love a bargain as much as anyone but clothes that smell or are ruined with pen marks etc would go straight in the bin.

It’s MIL’s choice where she gets presents from and what she give you, it’s your choice whether you keep them.

I would have to set some hard boundaries… “MIL, I know you love your thrifting, but this is getting ridiculous. I am never going to be putting used knickers or shoes on my kids. That’s disgusting. Please stop buying them. You also have to understand that we don’t have the space to accommodate your hobby. There’s nowhere to put all this stuff you buy the kids and we don’t have time to donate it back, so it ends up in the bin. Can you maybe give it a rest please?”

4 charity shops in a mile radius of me, they all sell shoes 🤔

Just chuck them in the clothes bank at the supermarket or the charity bags that come through the door. The bags generally take most stuff not just clothes

Charity shops don't sell stained or broken clothes and never seen pants for sale.

She does though if OP doesn’t want the stuff she’s being given!

Don't you have the clothes donation/textile bins at your local supermarket?

We have them at our schools and in all the public car parks.

Just keep a bag and drop everything you don't want straight into it and chuck it in boot every time it gets full.

She enjoys doing it and it's a very minor inconvenience. I don't think it's one worth souring your relationship for.

Charity shop choice tends to diminish in older children's clothes so it will lessen naturally.

I wouldn’t be particularly grateful for soiled items that I didn’t ask for and don’t need. I spend enough of my life trying to get clutter out of my house without wanting more of it!

It sounds slightly obsessive to me, like hoarding without having to give things a home herself. Perhaps you can ask her to keep everything she “gifts” you at her house so your DD can use it when she visits. I bet she’d buy less if she had to keep it in her own home.

Sounds like a win-win.

My mother in law gives us bags of tat from charity shops too, things that aren’t age appropriate etc. I don’t mind winter hats in the winter summer hats in the summer etc things that get lost, clothes for nursery but it is within reason as some of the stuff is hideous

You don't have time to re-donate OP- what do you do with your own unwanted clothes?

I have a wicker basket in my front porch. Whenever I come across an item of mine I no longer need I put it in the basket. When the basket is full I pop it in a bag and shove it in the boot of the car.

Most supermarkets and many other places have big metal hoppers for charity clothes, easy to grab the bag and stuff it in. Takes literally seconds.

Less time than it took you to create this thread OP

I would kindly say to her that you find the amount of stuff overwhelming and to please stop - she can save the money for birthday and Christmas presents instead.

Tell her your child had enough at the moment and really doesn’t need any more - better yet get your DH to tell her! If she insists tell her in no uncertain terms that you will be redonating it as you have no more space for the clutter!
As for actually doing constant charity shopping - it’s kind of a hobby isn’t it? But she shouldn’t involve you in it!

@NJLX2021 You could not resell anything if a larger company didn’t make it or probably sell it in the first place. I’d get knitting if I was you. Ridiculous attitude. Remember millions are employed by big companies. We need them more than charity shops.

Surprised to hear about items smelling of smoke . I’ve never seen that in a charity shop. Does your mother in law smoke herself ?

@FiveBarGate "Charity shop choice tends to diminish in older children's clothes so it will lessen naturally."

This is correct.

The charity shop I work at, and all the others in the high street don't have children's clothes beyond age 13. I think it's because they take up too much room.

We can't get enough baby/toddler clothes though, they are sold almost as soon as they are put out !

It varies massively.

Where I live we have several charity shops that operate for local charities. One has a shop that exclusively sells bridal/evening wear and a small shop that exclusively sells books. Those have amazing stuff in great condition at super reasonable prices. I’ve had a ballgown and matching shoes/purse/wrap from there for £35 that would have cost £2-300 new. We also have several that get some gorgeous stuff. I’ve had new or fab condition dresses, coats, skirts and jumpers from chain stores like M&S, Next, designers at Debenhams, Zara and similar as well as supermarkets. Branded joggers, thermals, football/rugby boots or trainers that look as if they’ve barely been worn for the kids. We’ve picked up Lego, Barbie’s, fabrics to make dolls clothes, crafting stuff, wool off-casts for crocheting & even some really cool stuff like an old 1980s sylvanian family house with all the furniture and a Lego board game no longer in the shops.
On the flip side several have very little that isn’t super worn or have nice stuff but also large bins of items that are stained/damaged (or that’s been in stock for a long time) they sell at 5 items for £1 or 50p each etc). Even from there I’ve had lovely stuff that I presume was from the didn’t sell as normal stock selection in the 5 items for £1 - best selection probably being a lovely floaty kids dress my daughter wore for years as a favourite, another summer dress that looked brand new, denim dungarees, an England football shirt from the late 90s in fab condition and a new (with tags) hoody. More commonly you get worn stuff or things with the odd stain in those bins and I use them to pick up stuff for messy play or more recently to get warm clothes for school trips to activity centres where everything is going to get pretty filthy and very possibly be ripped.
There is plenty of tat in charity shops but if you have time to call in once a week and have a browse there is definitely also lots of really great stuff available.

The best Christmas years ago when my then two year old was all second hand clean toys from us! She loved them. The saddest think I witnessed was a mum who had to work away a lot and compensated by giving her child so many gifts almost as tall as the child aged five. Not a nice child very spoilt.

We had a friend of the family who did this. She wasn’t poor and she wasn’t the slightest bit concerned about the environment. You end up with some manky old tat and another job to do as you have to take it back to the charity shop. I do buy books and Lego from charity shops but charity shop stuff has to be selected yourself.

That's her problem, not yours.

Especially if she's already been told but has continued to do the same thing - she knows!

You need to tell her again that it's too much stuff and you don't need it, especially if it's broken, marked or smells. It's only a bargain or good for the environment if you actually use it.

There's no other way this is getting resolved. You have to tell her how you feel.

I think some charity shops are better than others. I used to buy lots of bits in them when my children were younger, but began to find some were upping their prices so any 'bargains' weren't so much of a bargain and the charity shops that are generally the cheaper ones do have items that are not properly checked (so toys I bought had missing pieces, there were stains on some clothing items).

I think you do need to be firm with MIL and tell her you don't want these items. If she doesn't speak to you for 2 weeks or whatever that is her problem.

are you sure she is not buying on auction
you can buy all sorts of crap

I get what you mean OP, charity shopping is fine and a great way to recycle, but I do think some people get a bit obsessed with it.

I have a friend who would visit charity shops every day when her children were small and buy mountains of tat. She'd look up the new price and wax lyrical about how much she'd "saved". She didn't need most of this stuff, her house was full of clutter and her kids rarely played with it all. She just didn't get that it wasn't a saving if if wasn't something you'd buy anyway. She was mad over car boot sales as well.

Not a generational thing for her, she was late 20s / early 30s at the time. However, she did grow up without a lot of money so I wonder if it was a mindset from a young age, even though she was much better off by this point.

i have a family member like this, every birthday/Christmas is Barbie’s with tangled hair or toys with bits missing. I love charity shops and would gladly let my DC buy tangled hair Barbie, but as a present it’s a bit stingy. Especially if you know they’re rolling in it!

the worst part is I have to be careful where I donate toys/clothes as she will try and buy then again!

Of course you’re not being unreasonable-you’re talking about a mother in law!