MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

My mum loves charity shops,and still works hard at 75 caring for the elderly,as she cannot afford to give up work.she is also lonely and lost her best friend and my stepdad within a year of each other.going round charity shops bring her joy.live and let live x

Interesting range of experiences with stained, smelly goods. I'm wondering if those responses are from outside the UK. I have seen underwear sold in charity shops in Australia but never in the UK

Personally I think it's a sort of hobby. She likes browsing the charity shops and, at the same time she thinks to herself "maybe I can do something nice for DGD"

It may be inappropriate, but it's also kinda sweet.

However charity shop clothes definitely would not smell bad or have obvious stains, so either op is exaggerating or something else is going on here

I think it depends. Im all for 2nd hand things, if they're good quality and condition.

I wouldnt buy use or gift something that smelt of smoke or damp regardless what a tag said. I would only gift someone something 2nd hand if it was "new with tags standard" or something I knew they specifically wanted i.e. an edition of a book or record

I remember getting very thrifty gifts from MIL and getting offended. I wonder if there is a generation gap here, because possibly buying a gift second hand is a different vibe from buying yourself stuff from charity shops.

Buying for yourself is your choice to scrimp and also second hand. Buying for a gift feels like you're shortchanging the giftee in my book.

Back to MIL. I honestly felt there was an oblique message that I was "less than" and unimportant. Now I realise she was painfully short of money and trying to survive whilst still giving a gift of some sort. I felt bad for noticing.

Its a very difficult judgement to make. Is she in effect just seeing bargains and finding it irresistible to buy them for dd? Or is she trying to pass off thrifted stuff as a birthday gift?

I’d just hand everything backs to a charity shop whenever you’ve collected a few bits.

OP's MIL can still go round charity shops if it brings her joy, she just needs to stop offloading all the crap she buys on OP who has made it clear that she doesn't want it.

One Christmas various family members received the following: placemats with food remnants, a spice-rack with ancient spices and a layer of greasy dust, old man shoes in the wrong size, and a video of the Paris-Dakar Rally from ten years before (this was for a DSGS). Once a year is fine and has provided a certain amount of furtive hilarity. But every week would be too much.

Charity shops are great, love them, and get great bargains. That said, have never seen underwear being sold.

Her other grandchildren get new stuff? That's weird. I have 3 grandchildren and always treat them equally. Does she offers an explanation for this?

What’s not in the UK - second hand cloth nappies? It absolutely is (possibly not in shops as you generally don’t buy them there but via groups of people who use them)

Just a thoughts While it's not a financial thing. Maybe there were issue with finances in the past?
I was in a horrendous financial position about 15 years ago , I got my children's birthday presents from the charity shop ( remember counting the pennies out to see how much I had to spend) and I still remember vividly that feeling, and not coping mentally, wanting to end it all etc.
Thank god I'm now financially in a better place, but that anxiety never goes away, it's embedded in me now the thought of it could happen again. 🤷‍♀️

I'd do it again, then.

Yes in the UK, they can sell various items.
I recently bought my son a swimsuit (a onesy shorts style) that zips at the back, and a pair of trainers. It depends on the charity shop. This was in a posh area up north. 🏊‍♂️

Sorry, was referring underwear only

I always buy second hand for myself, and would buy odd bits for my DDs too. But I feel your pain OP, my MIL is obsessed with a bargain so charity shops, but also cut price items in very expensive shops and buying huge quantities of odd items to save a few quid. Once she bought my DD a sparkly sequined swimsuit from a charity shop, which DD loved but which rubbed her raw as soon as she got it wet... Bin for that one, would have been bin as soon as it arrived if I'd seen it before DD