MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

My mum is like this. She was worse when I lived locally. It was charity shops and carboot sales. I could have kitted out three playgroups with the amount of plastic rubbish I had. With her I think it’s a shopping addiction but she likes to think she’s frugal and loves a bargain.

That drives me mad. Frugal is not buying useless shit in the first place.

Frugal is not buying useless shit in the first place

It's more frugal than buying expensive useless shit though.

Lovely old lady on my former housing block filled two bedrooms floor to ceiling with boxes of stuff from charity shops.
She and her husband had to sleep on two sofas in the living room, until he died. She then started filling the living room as well. Corrupt housing officer got her evicted eventually - despite turning a blind eye to multiple cannabis farms and a knocking shop run from other homes (kickbacks) - and whole neighbourhood helped here clear everything out & sold tons of bits online so she had the cash. A place was found for her in supported accommodation. Guess it's easier to evict harmless old ladies who don't fight back 🙄

She had a terrible childhood of abuse and her husband 'rescued her' when she was 17. They were married 56 years if I recall. Sad story but highlights what trauma can do 😢

I’d chuck what you don’t want in a black bin bag and ask her if she’d be able to drop it off for you next time she’s going to the charity shop, seeing as she has the spare time to do so and you don’t. Tie the bin bag so she can’t easily open it! If she does and queries anything, just say ‘it’s a lovely top but just too small for DD’ or ‘I just couldn’t get those stains out’ or even ‘DD just refused to wear it, what a shame’.

Wait for a very important event day for your mil and gift her something really cheap and shabby from a charity shop. If she complains then remind her that your child is the most precious person in your life and is better than 2nd 3rd or whatever things especially underwear!
A little cruel to be kind action is priceless. 😄

YANBU 🤗

Thank you, @Allwillbeewellfor answering.
Yes - We have Goodwill and they’re pretty dismal. As I said, I look for glass but the glass I like nobody parts with.
There are consignment shops I’ve heard, but I’ve never sought them out.
Our Goodwill stores here definitely don’t have any designer clothes that I’ve ever heard of. Maybe that’s because all those designer clothes are ending up in those rumoured consignment shops.
Thanks again.

I'm with you @AlwaysHopefull89. It's not like you are asking for all this stuff. she is bombarding you with unwanted stuff. You don't have to be grateful and she's stopping someone else grabbing bargains that they may actually want.

Knickers in a charity shop?surely not.

We actually do charity shop Christmas. Look out for great stuff throughout the year. The charities need the money and we havent slogged round crowded stores in December. Books are an obvious choice, but i have got unopened board games and jigsaws, lovely framed prints, vases, some great clothes (I was once with daughter and spotted a top she'd like, told other daughter to distract her while I got it but she was too slow and first daughter came along and went "woooo! That's fab! I'm getting that!" and stomped off to the counter to pay for it, leaving us two in hysterics). So you could suggest to ma in law that you will ALL do this from now on, you to her, her to you. Emphasise you will all go for top quality. And with the money you save, you can buy your kid the stuff she wants/needs.

Yep you do sound awful.

“smell of smoke and expected daughter to wear them”…… were you not going to wash them?!

anyway, I love a charity shop. Get whatever I can there, love a bargain! I also shop on Vinted and I haven’t brought myself anything new in about 2 years! I just wash everything before use…. And yes! I have brought bras! Either £5 for a bra or £18+a bra (due to size!) if you don’t like it, just accept it and take it back to a different charity shop or put it on Vinted and make some money for you daughter.

I’ve worked in several charity shops. There are things we CANNOT have
Pants/underwear are things we are NOT allowed to have.

They sell them new and packaged.

And quite why the op would object to that, I don't know.

My dad is the same. He even rifles through the bins at the back of charity shops for the stuff they don’t want. Sometimes he takes salvageable items home and cleans them up and donates them to other charity shops, which I suppose is helpful/sustainable in some way. But eeuuuurrrgggggg!!!

My parents’ house is AWFUL. A gorgeous 3-bed Victorian home and when we visit we have to fork out for a hotel or holiday house because they literally can’t fit us in. It is filled up to the high Victorian ceilings and I exaggerate not. The garage is full, the lean-to is full, two garden sheds are full, if I’m not wrong then two lock-up rental storage units are also still full. My parents re-did their will recently and I told dad to make sure money for five skips was immediately accessible. My uncle scoffed and said “only five?!”
It’s an unrecognised addiction. No idea what causes it or what the solution is. But it’s awful for the other family members to have to live with. The house makes my stomach churn.

Sounds like she suffers from difficulty parting with her cash! My mil was the same; out of date annuals, pound shop tat (as opposed to pound shop good stuff), re-gifted items, I could go on. One day after years of this behaviour I called her out on it. She didn’t stop completely but she did reduce her level of stinginess!
your mil will never stop unless you say something.

There is no chance that they are selling used second hand children’s pants, I’m a big thrifter and I’ve only seen underwear brand new in sealed packets and that’s rare.

The same as dirty clothes, it just doesn’t happen.

Does anyone want their MIL to buy them pants?

Sounds like the charity shop(s) she goes too are doing a poor job. I volunteer in a charity shop and anything that is damaged, smells bad, stained, underwear that is not new is ragged. It is amazing what some people donate, in extreme cases brand new premium labels still in the wrapping, clearly the cost of living crisis hasn't affected everyone.

It's for the child. I can't say it would bother me.

Also exaggerating re smells, stains etc. No charity shop would sell damaged goods.

Very odd. No London charity shop would sell stained, damaged goods. And if you're buying anything second hand without checking things like zips that's on you. Give the stained and damaged goods back to the assistant. I'm sure they'll bin them

Not in the UK

Not in the UK.