MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

I just think accept gracefully and if you don’t like it, give back to another charity shop.

You could just put a giant bundle on Vinted for a couple of £ and someone that needs them will buy it. Everyone wins.

TIL that UK charity shops don’t sell shoes.

It sounds like a dominance/control/hoarding thing, nothing to do with second hand goods.

MIL of someone I know got obsessed with making "costumes" for her granddaughters.

Cute for a couple of photos when young but naturally as they aged they didn't want to spend Xmas and birthdays feeling uncomfortable and ridiculous in elaborate hand sewn outfits.

Then MIL sulked and played the victim which caused all sorts of problems.

Its difficult as this type of person imposes their so-called generosity onto you but it's really all about them and their needs.

I'd just discreetly chuck everything straight in the bin and grey rock any talk about it tbh. Don't waste cognitive load in processing it.

Yuk, is that an actual thing? I get it's a charity shop, but surely smoky items and bugs should not be acceptable

I’ve got so many questions 🤭🤭🤭🤭

• Was she forced to admit her lies?
• How did she explain the bedbugs?
• Does she still gift you used items?
• Does she still shop at charity shops? 🤣

Some people like shopping for a bargain and she obviously has someone new in her life that is giving her reason to shop.
Try to tolerate it and say thank you even if you dispose of the items later.

Since she's lying about it, she obviously knows the gifts aren't worthy. People will say "it's the thought that counts", but the only thought she's putting into it is how pass to off unwanted junk as "new", while surely knowing that people won't believe her.

Might be best to just ask her not to bother with gifts any more.

I also volunteered for a charity shop and we were strict about clothes being clean and not stinking before we put them out. It’s annoying and so many people would use it for a dumping service and chuck us their filthy clothes. We’d end up putting them in the bin, we didn’t have the facilities to wash them

There are charity shop gifts and then there are charity shop gifts.

For my mothers 70th I couldnt find anything I knew she would like. Then I saw a beautiful emerald green brooch that I knew she would love when I was in a charity shop dropping off a donation (ironically, it was her stuff I was dropping off!). Cost a fiver. And I was right, she loved it! She wears it often and treasures it far more than she would than a £500 brooch that was a bit (to her) meh.

However, that is very different to a second hand "foxed" toy that was bought just because it was cheap and vaguely age appropriate.

YANBU.

Really? Charity shops here wouldn't sell anything which smelled or had marks all over it.

Surely you wash it anyway, so a smell of smoke would soon be gone. I do think you appear a little ungrateful, but it does sound like she is buying a lot for your DD, which is nice, but sounds like it needs toning down a bit. Maybe get your husband to tell her you appreciate the gesture, but DD has enough clothes.

Unfortunately where I am, the charity shops do. I saw a lovely summer dress that had brown stains all over the back neck area but they were asking £17 for it!

No, she never admitted she had lied. She lied a lot and never admitted it when caught out.

She didn't bother to explain the bedbugs not did she apologize for sending them our way. She also gave all her neighbours bed bugs and actually let her house go into foreclosure because she wouldn't pay the bug spraying bills the condo board sent her after they had to spray over and over. She couldn't afford that and buying tons of worthless crap and going on vacation, so she chose the crap and vacations. To this day she doesn't answer the phone in order to dodge bill collectors. 😄

She has never gifted anything again because I dumped her useless son. Neither of my children would ever take home gifts from her, they'd trash them, but she hasn't tried to give them any since I dumped my ex. I don't think they matter that much to her as she hasn't asked to see them in many years. That baby shower I was talking about was for her great grandchild and after showering her with crap gifts, she barely looked at the baby once she arrived. IMO she just wanted to buy stuff and the baby was a handy excuse.

I think she got the items from both sales in the neighborhood and charity shops. Her house was crammed with junk she had bought at those sales. I have no doubt she is still doing it as it was compulsive behaviour IMO.
I do feel sorry for ex MIL even though she was horrible to me many times. She needs psychiatric help.

Some of our local charity shops do sell cleary new, often in sealed packs.

I would just donate the stuff you don't want. Doesn't everyone have an op shop box?

You can do this guilt - free. It's better than her buying heaps of new stuff that she can't afford!

I regret worrying so much about this sort of stuff.

Oh my goodness - how awful!

I've seen stained/stinky stuff in charity shops. There is a massive cancer research shop in my town. I always used to hand my little ones clothes in there and often good clothes, branded/from high end shops etc. Friends of mine do the same. However all they even seem to have on the kids rails are clothes that are stained/bobbly/misshapen etc. We suspect they tale the good stuff and resell it online and just stock the absolute muck that they wouldn't be able to sell for decent money, in store.

I think people are proud they they’re stopping things going to landfill, happy they’re helping charity and honestly excited they found something! I do think people who love charity shops are properly hooked, and actually know three or four people who are the same, all relatives. My uncle in particular is infamous for it, he gives the most random presents for the kids and dh has been disgusted in the past when the kids got excited over a cuddly toy thst smelt questionable. I personally love the thought of him searching the stuff out and getting excited he found something! I just washed over and over again at high temperatures. I’ve subtly binned other stuff. No help for you op, it comes from a good place but yes can be one of those ‘noooooo, more?!?!’ things!

cxcxcxcxcxc

I think you need to just owe it that you don't want ANYTHING from charity shops @AlwaysHopefull89 . You have the right to say this OP and I say this as someone getting stuff on Vinted myself. If you tell her straight out that you don't want it for your DD but at the same time tell her that she does not need to buy things: spending time with her gd is the best gift she can give her. It's a win win for everyone involved. Don't worry if she finds you stuck up; your DD- your rules.

I'm not sure what TIL stands for? I've bought shoes (crocs) for my little one from a charity shop, I only really used them for an outdoors messy play thing that we attended now and again.

my Mil once gave me a charity shop birthday gift.
i was beyond offended and would have preferred nothing.
it was gross

”I think it could be a generational thing I don’t know”

OP, it’s really not a “generational thing” - it’s just something some people do, and as PPs have pointed out, some people become hooked on charity shop purchases. My ex (a hoarder) buys all manner of crap from charity shops and gives it to our DC as presents - the meat board with missing metal grips; huge and unsuitable toys for DGC who live in a small flat, terrible jewellery that the DDs would never wear; china ornaments with chips - there’s no end to it. The DC describe his presents as “trash or treasure” because just occasionally there will be something worth having among the dross. I think he does it because he wants to be generous but doesn’t have much money, and also has always been someone who would buy anything if it was a “bargain”.