MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

This is spot on.

Charity shops do not sell second hand knickers. They most CERTAINLY do not sell dirty second hand knickers. But any hyperbole goes in a MIL thread.

I'm not sure what TIL stands for? I've bought shoes (crocs) for my little one from a charity shop, I only really used them for an outdoors messy play thing that we attended now and again

Maybe crocs which are not really 'fitted' might get past the rules. Maybe brand new unworn shoes too. But most of the main charity shops will not sell childrens' shoes as the rules about this are fairly strict and they need to stay on the right side of the law. Shoes that have been worn by someone else can cause damage to a child's foot.

Shoes for adults, fine. No rules about that.

At the end of the day it is your home and your are the home keeper. I would go down the downsizing route and say 'It is very kind of you to think of us but as the children are growing they have their own ideas and we are having a huge clear out as I find we just don't have the room. Perhaps you could suggest something she could get the children for just birthdays and Christmas. You do need to be firm and also she needs to take on board your feelings. I would even address the 'silent treatment' and say that there is no need for it as no harm intended. People won't know unless we tell them but being polite and persistent is the way to go in my books.

They don't.

The OP made that bit up.

I’ve bought shoes from a UK charity shop before!

Adults shoes, yes, they all sell them. There are rules for children's shoes, however. Charity shops are not allowed to sell worn childrens' shoes.
If they do they are breaking the law.

This needs restating again because a lot of posters are taking the OP at face value. I don't just think she's exaggerating, I think she's straight-up lying. Charity shops do not sell second-hand underwear. (They sometimes sell new, packaged underwear and socks.) Everything I've ever browsed through is perfectly clean, laundered and fresh-smelling. Even the second-hand workout gear! If anything, sometimes it smells a bit over-laundered.

If they do they are breaking the law

Sorry, I meant their own guidelines. Not sure about the law.

My mum is like this, always has been. Everything is from a charity shop, or from the "skip shop" which is the grubby little shop next to the local tip, where they sell stuff people have chucked out.

I don't mind a good charity shop myself but I do draw the line about the skip shop she's obsessed with, I just feel like I have to hold my breath while I'm in there.

The advantage is, if I want to give away clothes to the charity shop, my mum is always happy for me to put the bag in her car as she is always going to a charity shop 😄she can't drive past one without stopping!

My ex mil was obsessed with charity shops, she was loaded though but she didn't see the point in spending £25 on a pair of jeans for any of the boys when she could get them in either new or very good condition for £4. The only time it annoyed me was when she would not get the boys 1 brand new thing for their birthday.

She did used to get some good bargains and it has rubbed off onto my middle son who will only buy clothes from charity shops as his dress sense is very eclectic and he can't find what he likes in high street shops.

It sounds like a shopping addiction - don't take it personally and don't expect it to change, and it will become less stressful.

Pick a few of the nicer things to keep and make some time to re-donate the rest of it. Make it DH's job if you can't find time to do this.

The “skip shop”. You mean the freecycle and recycle points most recycling centres have these days?

I’ve seen loads of nearly new items at hours which are perfectly sellable - children’s barely used bicycles are a common option along with full sets of china, small unmarked items of furniture - mostly perfectly good stuff which is bulky or otherwise less useful to charity shops. People take it there precisely because its good enough to be reused. Some areas use them to raise funds for local charities.

I’m still looking forward to hearing from the OP which charity and which area has all these shops selling smelly ripped clothes and underwear as I don’t know of any charities which sell them.

Broken or stinking stuff isn't sold in charity shops.
You sound entitled and ungrateful.
Your mother in law is repurposing clothes and good for her.
If you don't want it, it's takes 30 seconds to fill a charity bag and leave it out on collection day.

“Skip shop”? Aka the shop where items too good to be thrown away are sold, often for charity? There are some vile attitudes on this thread.

So what did your MIL say when you told her to stop giving you shit covered in marks that smells?

this all sounds like a lot of work for the OP. I think when you’re giving a gift that becomes really burdensome for someone then it’s not really a gift for them, it’s more something for you. Cycling through loads of tat and binning it constantly is just a waste of time, money and resource. OP just grow a pair and say you don’t like second hand things so can she please refrain from giving you any further stuff .

I'm with OP. When someone's that obsessed with buying and offloading what's basically junk, it sounds like they're a hoarder or compulsive spender who's found a guilt-free outlet. Tbh I wouldn't find it cute, heartfelt or eco-minded.

The odd charity-shop buy, sure. But to answer OP's question, no, constant 'gifting' like this is not normal behaviour. It does seem to be more prevalent among older ladies though, so perhaps normal for them!

I had a quite wealthy relative who always gave charity shop gifts at Christmas, without seemingly any thought as to whether the recipient would want it. It was a family joke, but at least she confined herself to Christmas. Far worse to be CONSTANTLY given stuff you don't want - and have to inspect it, wash it, find a place for it or offload it. It would drive me spare.

Perhaps MiL had an upbringing where treats were in short supply, and this is her way of meeting some need in herself, I don't know. I'd talk to DH about it, so at least dealing with it isn't your burden alone.

You don't have time to re donate them, seriously?

I used to work in a charity shop too and nothing was washed as we only had a steamer. So things were often stinky and had small stains. Your shop isn’t all shops.

Dunno what it is with grandma’s obsession with buying unwanted tat. I have a real issue with them buying clothes, they’re always stupid outfits like they think the kids are dolls to dress up. Both grandmas are like it. It’s like they’re not satisfied with choosing what DH and I wore as kids and now want to dictate that our kids look like twats as well.

😄😄😄

I agree. It's not ungrateful to not want to be given a job to do selling things on vinted or driving them to a charity shop.

I would much rather be gifted nothing than stuff from charity shops, vinted, temu or shein. I'm happy buying what I want myself and I don't like to have clutter everywhere. That's my choice and if OP has told her MIL she doesn't want this stuff, that should be respected. To keep buying it is all about the MIL's selfish desire to buy things.

You can order a free charity bag, put the clothes in them then leave outside your house for collection. You don’t need to go to shop

Which charity out of interest? Most of the chains, even small chains have policies which would put stinky and stained clothes into textiles recycling.

I’m just intrigued as to which charities are selling such vast quantities of broken, smelly and stained and ripped goods that the NC'd OP is overwhelmed by them - to the extent it would be too time consuming even to bin these vast quantities.

It sounds far more like the traditional jumble sale’s leftovers (do they still exist) which would be collected by the rag traders.

You don’t have to drive to a charity shop to donate