MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

[AlwaysHopefull89]

Is it normal? Or am I just being awful?

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

She is in the same x3 local shops every day after work as she finishes at work at 12. I honestly do not mind charity shops in general as I use them myself! But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

what has upset me is last time she gave us bits they smelt of smoke and expected my DD to wear them.

I worry also she has an obsession with it. She never buys anything new. I know she enjoys thrifting obsessively as any toys she would buy for DD on FB marketplace for free, she would then keep at hers but would then proceed to sell them next week on FB marketplace for ££!! And not tell me ….

she is also sadly very stingy with DD. I sound awful

I went round our 4 local charity shops yesterday and was trying to decide if I could get a stain out on of the tops. The stain was right on the front too. I’ve also bought countless things that turn out to have broken zips.

Charity shops sell underwear swimwear and shoes in my area. Have done for years

if it was the same amount of stuff but new would it bother you this much?

is it that its 2nd hand or the quantity? if its a lot if stuff, maybe say thank you so much but you're spoiling her too much, you're too kind.

if its that's 2nd hand you're being a snob. her grandmother clearly wants to give her lots of gifts but maybe this is the only way she can afford to?

I wouldn’t have an issue with most things being second hand.

i would have an issue about dirty, smelly or broken things (which most charity shops wouldn’t resell) or too much stuff in general.

perhaps find a way to express that you’re happy to have second hand items but you’ve notice the quality of goods is going down / you’re running out of space so maybe if she could look out for xx in future? A hunt for something specific might give her a reason to be more selective but still give her the chance to pop into her shops (which no doubt has a social element too)

I have pledged to not buy my nephews anything brand new.

Their birthday and Christmas presents come from charity shops, eBay, Vinted, FB Marketplace and they have had some great gifts that's they've loved for years.

I can afford to buy new but there is so much waste and over consuming, I don't want to.

I do think it's weird. There can be some amazing stuff in charity shops but they're pricing things ridiculously in some. I wouldn't put my child in anything that smelled of smoke or that had marks (and wasn't a hand me down from someone I knew).

My late mum had a charity shop/secondhand obsession that basically turned into hoarding. Big plans to sell things on - furniture, shoes, tea sets - but ended up piling up at home. And she'd then insist on bringing it as gifts to one of us because she didn't want to throw it away but didn't want it in the house. Does sound like some kind of shopping addiction to me if she's there every day.

Also it's not that environmentally friendly if she's gifting you loads of things you can't use, that just puts the burden on you to put them in landfill. Are there any clothes recycling places near you?

I think it's fine for your DH to say your DD doesn't need any new clothes, you're low on storage space so you're good for now. Doesn't have to mean your only two choices are accepting everything from the charity shop, or asking her to buy things brand new.

Then it sounds like this would solve your problem.

Its one thing to buy decent, REUSABLE, items of clothing or toys but if the clothes have stains on them, look tatty or the toys are just junk then this would piss me right off too.

Next time she does it, check the things and find a fault and tell her to return it because its no good. If that prompts her to not speak to you for weeks, well thats on her.

Surely people wash stuff they buy or receive second hand. Like even hand-me-downs I would wash...

Perhaps she feels like your judging her hence why she says Next instead of the charity shop. Its harmless. Be glad she's helping you with buying stuff.

I don’t get what’s wrong with the idea. Unless they are damaged or stained somehow surely once you wash them at 60 they are clean. Presumably you rewear your own and wash over and over so it’s not as if you view them as a consumable.
It’s pretty common to see second hand cloth nappies so why would knickers be different?

I think you've totally exaggerated this for dramatic effect.

I have never known unclean or smelly clothes from a charity shop. Just doesn't happen.

Also knickers? only if they are sealed in a pack. Charity shops do not sell second hand underwear.

Your MIL ( had to be didn't it!) likes to pick up a bargain; branded stuff at Primark prices. Good for her, and good for the landfill.

Buying decent stuff from a chazzer or vinted etc is better than cheap crap from Primark or Tesco

Stop over egging the pudding here, and if you have a problem just tell your MIL that you don't want any more charity shop stuff, it's not something you like.

This isn’t strictly true. It’s illegal to sell something unsafe or “not fit for purpose” under UK product safety law but second hand worn shoes are not automatically unfit. In most cases with light wear they are highly unlikely to cause issues for a child they fit. A lot of large charities simplify it for volunteers and have a blanket policy not to sell them but that isn’t the same thing.

I've bought children's shoes from charity shops too. Wellies, boots and sandals.

Everything she buys my 3 year old, whether it be birthday or Christmas is from charity shops. Knickers to shoes.

I'd be very surprised indeed if any charity shop sold second hand knickers. That's a bit of a fib, isn't it?

But it is literally EVERYTHING from there and what upsets me is the lying about it. Just because it has a ‘next’ tag on it means it’s from next when I ask ‘where is it from’? She always says ‘next’ or ‘M&S’ and rips the charity shop label off so I can’t see it before giving it to me.

It's pretty flipping obvious when something is not brand new and has been washed a few times. It wouldn't have a brand carrier bag and a receipt for a start. Just look at it and say 'is this another one of your charity shop bargains then? Thanks, although she's getting so much stuff from you she'll grow before she gets a chance to wear half of it. Don't be offended if I end up donating it back again.'

They don't sell second hand knickers. It's probably been said already on this thread but charity shops gets new things that are from last season and couldn't sell in the sales donated to them by big shops all the time. M&S does it a lot and it's very common with underwear.

They keep the original shop labels on and put their own labels on alongside, so customers can see it's brand new shop-donated stock.

I have bought bras from charity shops. Nice ones, brand new, and at a fraction of the price.

Me too. Also rugby/football boots, ballet slipper style sparkly shoes and heelies (not sure it’s spelt right).

This isn’t strictly true. It’s illegal to sell something unsafe or “not fit for purpose” under UK product safety law but second hand worn shoes are not automatically unfit. In most cases with light wear they are highly unlikely to cause issues for a child they fit. A lot of large charities simplify it for volunteers and have a blanket policy not to sell them but that isn’t the same thing

Well that sounds reasonable. I stand corrected.

Job done!

She has a shopping addiction, no taste and no integrity - it's the worst combination. She offloads her addictive behaviour onto you. I doubt she remembers what she's bought if she's caught up in the addiction.

At the supermarket near me there's a clothes bank where they sell on the clothes by the kilo. I'd just dump them all in there. Broken toys would go in the bin, as would absolutely anything that smelt of smoke.

Why would OP be glad that her MIL is buying stuff that she doesn't want and wouldn't use and is also is dirty, broken or in poor condition? It just gives OP another chore to get rid of it all.

I do think its very rude and cheap to gift secondhand things unless its some sort of vintage sentimental value.

This is whats wrong with the world.

Well in that case, I don't see what the OP's issue is. It's no different from buying them from M&S or Next outlet shops. It's a bit snobby and precious to object to M&S pants still in their packet just because they've come via Oxfam.

OP has updated to say that the other grandkids get new things!

So please read her posts!

Yes that was an interesting addition to the yarn after so many posters queried the accuracy of the claims about smelly old knickers being sold in charity shops based on their own experiences of working with that sector.