Slightly grabby party dad?

[Aibuuuuuu]

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

YANBU, that is rude as fuck. Grabby twat.

Yeah super weird and entitled

Misguided attempt to be chatty, I can see why it rankled a bit, but no harm intended.

I would be annoyed enough to not send the present.

That’s rude, I wouldn’t expect a gift if a child couldn’t come to the party

The only thing I can think is that he meant to say 'that's such a shame, thanks in advance for the offer of a present, very kind of you, DD will be delighted to have it', or something, and it came out sounding grabby. Maybe he wasn't referring at all to the absence of a present today.

That's bad

I would find this rude. I don't think I would have mentioned a present though and certainly knowing this I would be tempted to now just give something small.

Honestly, I’m considering taking the card off (with her name on it) and saving it for another party! It’s a nice present!!

It's something to say in reply to your message. They may have meant it in a grabby way but equally I can see how they may not.

The lack of message on Saturday followed by the grabby msg would also put me off sending it in . It would’ve been polite to just send a quick acknowledgment on Saturday .

Don’t give the present. It’s not necessary.

DD didn’t attend because she was unwell, not because she flaked.

Assume it wasn’t pay per child?

Exactly this. He didnt care about your dd until he thought his dd wasn't getting a present from you.

I would assume it was just a late reply to the original message.
dds ill she will give x present at school - hope dds better, x is looking forward to receiving present

Maybe they realised you messaged and that they hadn't responded which might appear rude, and he was tasked with the response...... and got it spectacularly wrong.

Or they are just grabby.

I only mentioned it because the present was already done, and I did feel bad at the late cancel (in case party bags / food had been bought etc).

But truly, I could not send a sick child!

To plays devils advocate they could have just been catching up with texts today and saw your message and replied to it. It might not have actually been in relation to you forgetting to take the present in today.

This would annoy me! I’d call it out and say “yes she feeling better! Thanks for the reminder to bring in her gift! I’ll try and remember it tomorrow then you can take my name off your debtors list! Don’t want the baillifs round haha”

It's the kid who will miss out... not the dad unfortunately. Just send it.

Me too!

It reads like he's maybe responding to your original message because he didn't see it/meant to reply and didn't.

I'd send the present in like you said you would and think no more about it.

Maybe he meant well, maybe he's grabby. Doesn't really matter either way.

Ew.

I would be tempted to gift 'A donation has been made in your name...." but I don't want the birthday girl to miss out because her dad is tacky. She has a lifetime to deal with him.

Yeah send this text OP if you want to look like a passive aggressive twat. Honestly some posts on here are truly laughable.

I think… and normally I’d be thinking he’s a grabby twat… but I actually think on this occasion this was because he’d not replied to you on the day. So he was acknowledging what you’d said and just neglected to be grateful or say thanks.
Also he might have told his child that your DD was going to bring a present, that’s nice etc. Then when you didn’t send it in he may have had grief from his DC and thought oh crap I didn’t reply to her either, that’s probably why… so semi-grabby perhaps 😆
I’d still send the present

Yes he was rude.

but surely your DD shouldn’t have been at school today anyway?