Slightly grabby party dad?

[Aibuuuuuu]

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

I would still send in the present but would be tempted to wait a day and then send a message back saying you hope the birthday girl likes her present and that your daughter is looking forward to receiving her thank you card.

He’s replying to your original message.

(rather than the Machiavellian drama playing in your head)

I think it was response to your original message and not grabby. Maybe didn’t think your child would be in school today due to 48 hour rule

It’s for the child not the father so just send it despite minor annoyance.

So you are considering punishing a child because of a parent's (imagined) bad manners?
Ha Ha good one that'll teach ..... err someone, um something, probably

Alternatively the other parents might have told their child that Chardonnay Aibuuuuuu will be bringing a present for her to school on Monday, and then when it didn't turn up they got a load of ear ache asking what's going on. The Dad then messaged you and managed to avoid using the formulation "where's the present" presumably because they did not want to appear grabby?

I agree, I think it was just a badly worded text. Also, you said you had a present so just give it.

Do this if you want to look like a complete dick

i don't think he was being grabby, maybe he told his daughter that yours couldn't go and maybe she was upset, and then maybe he consoled her by telling her ah but she's got you a present! let's look forward to that

and then maybe she went into school looking forward to the present, went home present-less and maybe was upset about that, and maybe he was slightly annoyed that his daughter had been let down twice and was giving you a gentle nudge

maybe

Perhaps he was just getting around to thanking you, as I assume he hadn’t responded. I don’t see the problem, I wouldn’t say he is being grabby.

I read it that he was just replying to your message where you had mentioned the gift. If you hadn’t mentioned giving a gift it would be grabby but you did. I don’t see anything wrong in it.

I think you read his tone wrong. You are overthinking and being defensive.
She probably IS looking forward to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

They were exchanging WhatsApps, not emails, so pretty instant messaging.

And why do you need a reply to your message saying your daughter can’t make it immediately?! You sound like hard work OP to be honest.

I think he was just late replying to your original message. No wonder people get so worked up all the time

@purpleme12 perfectly summarizes the father’s manners.

O this is one of those trivial things that nobody should bother with isn't it? It would really annoy me and I'd be pondering petty acts of revenge. Crazy. Must be the heat.

I completely agree. Do people really stew over such minor inconsequential stuff?

Here’s the thing, the parents of your kid’s classmates don’t have to be angels or people you’d socialise with. But generally it’s better to just rub along and not cause unnecessary drama.

Yanbu, he was bloody rude and petty.

That’s almost as rude as my BIL messaging me to say that the money I usually transfer for xxxxx birthday hadn’t gone into her account by 8am on her birthday.

Meh, he was just responding to your text, and picking up on the only bit of info in it. And that's the downside of communicating by message instead of in person I guess. You get misunderstanding and different interpretations. For what it's worth, I only give a present if my child actually attends the party, I don't think many people expect one after the event.

Maybe dad had mentioned it to the child (so they knew to look out for it) and child was a bit upset not to get anything. So dad messaged.

No one is that concerned about their child receiving some cheap toyshop tat. Most of us need less stuff in our houses, not more, and the only value of presents is the joy they bring our DC.

He was replying to your original message and trying to be nice. He didn't word his reply particularly carefully, problem because he didn't think it's a big deal and didn't realise it would be dissected and offence taken. I know this is stereotyping but some dads aren't as up on the subtle unwritten social norms as mums tend to be.

I would have replied "Hope X is better now. Absolutely no need but that's so kind of you to think of Y".

His reply was fine. He was trying clumsily to show appreciation for your thought in sending the present by saying his child was looking forward to it.

It might have been an awkward way of replying to your text and saying thank you for the present. It might not have been intended to sound the way it came across and I would give them the benefit of the doubt.