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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 30/06/2025 22:09

That message by the Dad was a dick move.

Backhometothenorth · 30/06/2025 22:09

Sometimes people worry that kids have lost things from school bag so maybe that was a cack-handed way of checking if you’d sent it?

Bitzee · 30/06/2025 22:10

Backhometothenorth · 30/06/2025 22:09

Sometimes people worry that kids have lost things from school bag so maybe that was a cack-handed way of checking if you’d sent it?

Also this is a possibility!

DinaofCloud9 · 30/06/2025 22:11

macaronisaidshetlandpony · 30/06/2025 21:30

I think… and normally I’d be thinking he’s a grabby twat… but I actually think on this occasion this was because he’d not replied to you on the day. So he was acknowledging what you’d said and just neglected to be grateful or say thanks.
Also he might have told his child that your DD was going to bring a present, that’s nice etc. Then when you didn’t send it in he may have had grief from his DC and thought oh crap I didn’t reply to her either, that’s probably why… so semi-grabby perhaps 😆
I’d still send the present

But "just neglecting to be grateful or say thanks" is rude.

anonymoususer9876 · 30/06/2025 22:14

Username73638 · 30/06/2025 21:59

Tbh, I’m neurodivergent and can totally see myself sending this message meaning nothing by it (intended meaning = aww lovely, you’ll send the present anyway, look forward to receiving it) and being completely unaware that people would interpret it badly. You don’t know the dad, maybe he’s ND or just an awkward texter and was trying to be polite. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yep, this @Aibuuuuuu
It might be grabby, but equally it might not be. While I'd txt "Oh no! Hope your DD is Ok now and on the mend..." etc, DH would be like the dad. Not because he's grabby, he just doesn't do social chit chat and it just wouldn't have occurred to him.

macaronisaidshetlandpony · 30/06/2025 22:15

DinaofCloud9 · 30/06/2025 22:11

But "just neglecting to be grateful or say thanks" is rude.

Show quote history

Yes I agree. I was mostly thinking about the grabbiness.

ThatOlivePeer · 30/06/2025 22:18

I think he was just replying to the message and commenting on what you’d said. I wouldn’t read anymore into it.

SDFGG1234 · 30/06/2025 22:29

Reversetail · 30/06/2025 21:22

Misguided attempt to be chatty, I can see why it rankled a bit, but no harm intended.

No it isn't an attempt to be chatty. That would include a question to get the chat going i.e. "How is DD feeling now?"

Nothing was asked, only statements written. Nothing to "chat" about from the dad

Bearinthesmallmessyflat · 30/06/2025 22:32

It’s most likely clumsily worded but well meaning rather than grabby. Not worth getting het up over either way

NoWayRose · 30/06/2025 22:33

Is English his first language?

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 30/06/2025 22:33

whocaresforyou · 30/06/2025 21:27

I would assume it was just a late reply to the original message.
dds ill she will give x present at school - hope dds better, x is looking forward to receiving present

This is how I would take it too. I really wouldn’t have been offended. You mentioned a gift in the original message and he’s responding to that part. Maybe it would be weird to not acknowledge your kind offer of a present but he couldn’t thank you for it yet.

Eldermileniummam · 30/06/2025 22:33

I think it's rude and since you don't know them I'd be tempted not to bother, however, looking at it another way - if the dad was only just getting around to replying, he might just be responding to the original message (and not the fact they didn't receive it today) saying hope you feel better soon and looking forward to the present meaning thanks...

I had a similar thing with a party bag at my DC party where the family didn't RSVP and then repeatedly demanded I put together a party bag before they left (I didn't)

Praying4Peace · 30/06/2025 22:36

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:24

Honestly, I’m considering taking the card off (with her name on it) and saving it for another party! It’s a nice present!!

Show quote history

Don't do that
Let it go in the best interest of the kids

RitaAndFrank · 30/06/2025 22:37

macaronisaidshetlandpony · 30/06/2025 21:30

I think… and normally I’d be thinking he’s a grabby twat… but I actually think on this occasion this was because he’d not replied to you on the day. So he was acknowledging what you’d said and just neglected to be grateful or say thanks.
Also he might have told his child that your DD was going to bring a present, that’s nice etc. Then when you didn’t send it in he may have had grief from his DC and thought oh crap I didn’t reply to her either, that’s probably why… so semi-grabby perhaps 😆
I’d still send the present

I could have written this - totally agree.

Skinnyblonde · 30/06/2025 22:37

What? That is a perfectly normal friendly response from the dad. You SAID about the present yourself and he is just responding in a friendly way. Do you have a problem with overthinking or seeing problems in people? You sound weird and mean and neurotic.

lanthanum · 30/06/2025 22:38

He might just have been (a) belatedly wishing your daughter well - it was probably a bit hectic on the day, and/or (b) flagging that the present didn't arrive because if you had sent it with your daughter you might want to check what happened to it.

Poonu · 30/06/2025 22:40

You're way overthinking this. He might just be awkward as fuck. No social skills. Maybe he feels bad for ignoring your text. Maybe he's had a shit day at work. Who knows. And really who cares. It's a total non event. Give it, don't give it. There's so many kids parties, who is counting presents?

Onethinnyatatime · 30/06/2025 22:40

I would definitely still send the present. It’s of course not anyone’s fault that your child was unwell, but the hosts likely spent extra on food, party bags, or even more if it was a pay-per-child event. There are so many no-shows these days and I think sending the gift is just a thoughtful gesture to show you actually wanted to go.
I honestly don’t think the dad is bothered about the present at all (who would be? really? ), and he probably just replied late because the Saturday before the party was hectic, as it always is.
Personally, when a parent send the present, I send the party bag in return. I think this will cheer up the sick child who missed out and is a little thank-you.

Fargo79 · 30/06/2025 22:41

Assume good intent. I think it's just an awkward, badly worded reply to your original text. He has responded directly to both your comments in your text to him.

You said "DD is unwell and can’t come". He replied "Hope DD is better".

You said "I'll send the present in on Monday". He replied "X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I can imagine my brother sending a message like this. He just doesn't have good social skills and thinks about things in a very black and white way. It would be an attempt to engage with your message, and ironically an attempt not to be rude by ignoring your kindness in buying a gift.

Poonu · 30/06/2025 22:41

@macaronisaidshetlandpony brilliant

DayOfSummer · 30/06/2025 22:41

I reckon when they told their child that yours couldn’t come to the party they said that they’d still be getting their present, maybe as a way to stop their child being upset. Now the child is asking where their present is. You said there was a present so, grabby or not, you really need to deliver.

Silvertulips · 30/06/2025 22:41

So party girl was expecting and gift and no doubt disappointed it didn’t turn up - badgered her father into asking about it!!

We’ve all been there

Send the gift, and forget about it

Wolfpinkola · 30/06/2025 22:44

i Would reserve judgement - and give them the benefit of the doubt. Texting can be weird

Dueindecemberr · 30/06/2025 22:45

I’m the first to think someone is being a twat, but in this case I think it’s a genuine reply to your original message and sounds like something I would feasibly write to show interest/ concern in the original message (and not intend to be grabby at all). I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

rwalker · 30/06/2025 22:45

my guess is he pissed off at short notice cancellation as they of probably still had to pay
the fact you said she’d be at school Monday does sort of make you doubt if she was genuinely sick