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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
AmyDuPlantier · 30/06/2025 22:48

It doesn’t matter if the dad is a prick!

It’s a gift for a kids birthday. Just give it.

bluewanda · 30/06/2025 22:48

Going against the grain here, I can’t see how the dad was rude? You literally told him you’d send in a present, and he replied saying his child was looking forward to receiving it. What on earth is wrong with that? MN is a truly baffling place sometimes!

Stanley1409 · 30/06/2025 22:49

throwawaynametoday · 30/06/2025 22:00

It's a badly worded message, but I don't think you can assume he's grabby or entitled based on this alone. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - as PPs have said it could just be a late reply.

Another possibility is that he was trying to let you know that the gift didn't make it into his DDs hands - in case you had sent it in and were unaware that it gone missing in action.

Slightly different situation but a year ago I sent a card and a gift in the post to an old friend for her new baby. I didn't receive a thank you and I was really conflicted about how to handle it. I had absolutely no problem AT ALL with not being formally thanked - I remember what the newborn days were like! - but I was left wondering if she had received it at all, and if she hadn't, she might be thinking I had been thoughtless in not acknowledging the birth of her first baby. But I couldn't figure out how to word a message that didn't sound like I was demanding thanks!

Due to circumstances we weren't able to meet in person until her little girl was nearly a year old and it seemed rather late to mention it then 🤣 so I never did find out if she received it or not.

I agree with this. You mentioned the present so potentially just doesn’t want to appear rude by not acknowledging

ttcat37 · 30/06/2025 22:52

To me that reads like he’s gone oh shit, I forgot to reply to @Aibuuuuuu and he’s acknowledged the present as you mentioned it

PiggyPigalle · 30/06/2025 22:52

Presents at kids parties are a contribution to costs. Your daughter didn't attend
Whatever grabby daddy thinks, the moment has passed for giving the present.
Due to his attitude I wouldn't give it. Keep saying you've mislaid it, they'll get the message. Just don't expect one when it's your daughter's party.

OneCosyCrow · 30/06/2025 22:53

Denying a child a birthday present, which they were probably told about, just because you have an issue with the dad, which could be a genuine miscommunication seems cruel and spiteful. Even if the dad was being petty are you really going to bring yourself down to his level?

Swapozorro · 30/06/2025 22:55

hannahbanana93 · 30/06/2025 21:27

To plays devils advocate they could have just been catching up with texts today and saw your message and replied to it. It might not have actually been in relation to you forgetting to take the present in today.

Jesus passive aggressive much?!

do not say this OP.

honestly I think you might be reading a bit too much into to this. Men generally don’t word messages in the best way and can be clumsy and don’t realise how they’re coming across and women often read into things in the wrong way (I do it too so it’s no sleight on you!) but yeah, I’d just let it go.

OneCosyCrow · 30/06/2025 22:56

bluewanda · 30/06/2025 22:48

Going against the grain here, I can’t see how the dad was rude? You literally told him you’d send in a present, and he replied saying his child was looking forward to receiving it. What on earth is wrong with that? MN is a truly baffling place sometimes!

Agree. The irony of call the dad rude is not lost on me.

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 30/06/2025 22:59

Fargo79 · 30/06/2025 22:41

Assume good intent. I think it's just an awkward, badly worded reply to your original text. He has responded directly to both your comments in your text to him.

You said "DD is unwell and can’t come". He replied "Hope DD is better".

You said "I'll send the present in on Monday". He replied "X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I can imagine my brother sending a message like this. He just doesn't have good social skills and thinks about things in a very black and white way. It would be an attempt to engage with your message, and ironically an attempt not to be rude by ignoring your kindness in buying a gift.

Yes, my thoughts too. Intended to be a polite, well meant but direct response to your words. Just a bit late as probably a chaotic weekend. And, as another poster said, they probably told their daughter about your present, to make up for her disappointment that your daughter could not go, and, as kids are, she was likely disappointed when no present arrived and mentioned it to her dad, which made him realise he hadn't responded. Perhaps he was double checking your words to make sure they passed on the correct message.

Texts have no tone, so you are probably never going to know for sure.

Even if he was being "grabby", it's not fair to punish his daughter ... Please do send in the gift tomorrow. It's for the girl, not him :)

Swapozorro · 30/06/2025 23:02

Fauxligarchy · 30/06/2025 21:27

This would annoy me! I’d call it out and say “yes she feeling better! Thanks for the reminder to bring in her gift! I’ll try and remember it tomorrow then you can take my name off your debtors list! Don’t want the baillifs round haha”

Meant to quote this as the example of what not to say!

bluewanda · 30/06/2025 23:03

OneCosyCrow · 30/06/2025 22:56

Agree. The irony of call the dad rude is not lost on me.

Show quote history

Yup - or the irony of those accusing this dad of being grabby saying that in the OP’s position, they would withhold a present from a child in retaliation.

You get these hyper sensitive, offended by any little thing people in all walks of life - my advice is to avoid them like the plague as they’re always trouble!

isitlunchtimeyet89 · 30/06/2025 23:03

I agree - he’s had a busy weekend, has realised he didn’t reply to your message and has sent a quick reply, mentioning the gift because you did. I think you’re reading too much into it. I’m bad at remembering to reply to messages when I have a lot on, and it’s the type of thing I’d do. I’d send the gift in tomorrow and think no more of it.

bluewanda · 30/06/2025 23:05

isitlunchtimeyet89 · 30/06/2025 23:03

I agree - he’s had a busy weekend, has realised he didn’t reply to your message and has sent a quick reply, mentioning the gift because you did. I think you’re reading too much into it. I’m bad at remembering to reply to messages when I have a lot on, and it’s the type of thing I’d do. I’d send the gift in tomorrow and think no more of it.

Absolutely.

echt · 30/06/2025 23:10

PiggyPigalle · 30/06/2025 22:52

Presents at kids parties are a contribution to costs. Your daughter didn't attend
Whatever grabby daddy thinks, the moment has passed for giving the present.
Due to his attitude I wouldn't give it. Keep saying you've mislaid it, they'll get the message. Just don't expect one when it's your daughter's party.

No they're not. How on earth does a gift offset the cost of food? It's not as if the recipient can trade it in.

A gift is to mark an occasion, so the gift should be given.

ThePoliteLion · 30/06/2025 23:12

Very annoying and rude message. Bloody cheek.

coxesorangepippin · 30/06/2025 23:13

This dad actually took the time to message you that???! I mean wtf

There is no way on this earth I'd send the gift in

Fuck that

healthybychristmas · 30/06/2025 23:14

I think he was just replying to your comment about the present, that's all. I don't think it was rude in this instance.

AngelicKaty · 30/06/2025 23:17

@Aibuuuuuu YANBU OP. I think the father doesn't believe you bought a present and is being a dick, but this makes it even more important to have your DD take it in tomorrow or he'll think he was right (and it's not fair on the girl to not receive her present just because her DF is an arse).

SleepyLemur · 30/06/2025 23:18

I don't think you are being unreasonable as such. However, he might have simply meant it as being polite and checking your daughter was OK. Then sort of acknowledging your kindness for offering to send a present. With having to stay off school for 48 hours post illness, I would probably assume she would likely be off until the Tuesday anyway, so he may well just be be being nice about the illness. A poorly worded text on his part though.

Newblackdress · 30/06/2025 23:18

DD probably was excited at the idea if present arriving at school and disappointed when it didn’t. The dad may have reminded you to avoid a repeat disappointment. You promised a gift, just send it tomorrow.

PluckyChancer · 30/06/2025 23:23

I wouldn’t make any assumptions about a parent based on one text message.

OneCosyCrow · 30/06/2025 23:24

bluewanda · 30/06/2025 23:03

Yup - or the irony of those accusing this dad of being grabby saying that in the OP’s position, they would withhold a present from a child in retaliation.

You get these hyper sensitive, offended by any little thing people in all walks of life - my advice is to avoid them like the plague as they’re always trouble!

Show quote history

Yup, couldn’t agree more. Then you have the ones telling op she’s right. Oh Lordy.

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 23:26

Hmm. If he didn’t actually view your message till now, he might just be replying to the fact you said you were giving one.

if he doesn’t know your daughter was going to be at school that day (maybe he presumed she was still ill) he’s simply replying to your text.

I doubt his daughter came home and said “she forgot to bring my present in” and he’s messaged due to that.

OudAndRose · 30/06/2025 23:31

I think you might be over-interpreting it and it was just an acknowledgment of what you'd sent. The delayed reply is likely because they were prepping for and then hosting the party. I don't reply quickly at the best of times and would very likely be catching up on messages 24 hrs after the exhaustion of a kids' party.

Thunderpants88 · 30/06/2025 23:33

throwawaynametoday · 30/06/2025 22:00

It's a badly worded message, but I don't think you can assume he's grabby or entitled based on this alone. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - as PPs have said it could just be a late reply.

Another possibility is that he was trying to let you know that the gift didn't make it into his DDs hands - in case you had sent it in and were unaware that it gone missing in action.

Slightly different situation but a year ago I sent a card and a gift in the post to an old friend for her new baby. I didn't receive a thank you and I was really conflicted about how to handle it. I had absolutely no problem AT ALL with not being formally thanked - I remember what the newborn days were like! - but I was left wondering if she had received it at all, and if she hadn't, she might be thinking I had been thoughtless in not acknowledging the birth of her first baby. But I couldn't figure out how to word a message that didn't sound like I was demanding thanks!

Due to circumstances we weren't able to meet in person until her little girl was nearly a year old and it seemed rather late to mention it then 🤣 so I never did find out if she received it or not.

This happened my aunt. She couldn’t go to a wedding she was invited to and bought and posted the couple an expensive steam iron which had been on their list of suggestions (20 years ago)

Other people who went to the wedding got thank you cards and she didn’t. She didn’t want to bring it up but wanted to know they had got the gift. She never mentioned it. Over a year later the iron turned up at their house. The bride contacted my aunt and thanked her and Aunt got to explain what happened