Slightly grabby party dad?

[Aibuuuuuu]

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

Well I came on here to empathise about the time my husband was sexually harassed by a mum at a child’s birthday party ….. (I had to get a lift to the party to take over parenting duties - very awkward) I totally misinterpreted ‘grabby’ !

Even if he’s a very blunt man, he should have thanked you for the present

Well this isn't what I thought this thread was going to be based on the title 😂

Devil's advocate, they might not have seen your message until then and he's just not an effective communicator. I also think dads who don't know you well can sometimes come across as a little different as they would if you were speaking to them in person.

He mightn't have meant it in a grabby way, but I can fully see how you could read it that way.

So you are punishing the Birthday Girl and causing your daughter embarrassment because her Dad came over badly? Not a great move.

I wouldn't want to send the present after a text like that ... cheeky or what !!

It’s rude. However, I think twice in my history of hosting parties, people have cancelled and said they’d send a gift into school and it’s never appeared. I found that a bit rude too.

This.

I think you are massively overthinking this op

(Also, from the thread title I was expecting something much more salacious 🤣🤣🤣)

I thought this post was going to be about getting manhandled at a kids party. Glad to hear you are unscathed in that respect.

I don’t understand why you said you’d send a gift if (1) you then object to the fact he said that’s great DD is looking forward to it and (2) now because he acknowledged you said it was coming you think he’s greedy and don’t want to give it to the birthday child?
Next time please just text so sorry Dd is not feeling well and leave it there…

Hello Grabby Party Dad!

Hi babes. Thank you so much for acknowledging me & I can see what a great mum you are caring for the sick & buying gifts for the poor. Remember to bring my kids gift ASAP ❤️

RTFT. She gave the present.

And the birthday girl shouldn’t be told that a present is coming later from a child that didn’t attend.

It was kind and thoughtful of you to give the gift despite Dad's 'grabby' manner.

Unfortunately, we can't control what others do and that Dad does come across as lacking in manners and the etiquette that you expected. That's sometimes the way but I am glad that you were able to resolve things with class. Good for you.

Having read others comments then I think he could be let off the first message as maybe it was just a clumsy way of acknowledging your text but based on the fact he replied with 'present received' and not even a thank you confirms he is just grabby and rude.
Even if you don't write a fluffy message around it you would at least put thank you.

All the same, that is how the op reads, and a lot of the responses too - huge over-reaction.
(punishing the Birthday Girl and causing your daughter embarrassment because her Dad came over badly).

And yes, your second point is probably right. But this is the problem with people that have an indirect style of communication. They waltz around a subject expecting those of us who speak clear English to read between the lines (because, to them, that is "polite"). Then when they get a clear and unambiguous response, they build whole framework around it and infer something that wasn't said and wasn't intended.

"I'll send the present on Monday"
"Great, thanks, we'll look forward to it"
What's wrong with that!?!

Not sure how old these children are but I think your DH was spot on. Kids parties have really hammered home to me how horrendously flakey some people are.

Rightly or wrongly, he probably thought you hadn't brought/had no intention of buying a present. The test now is if you get a thank you letter.

Completely agree... it's very very likely to be a response to your original text.

They were probably snowed under and I agree the delay was him catching up later on correspondence during the party.

Absolutely this.

Couldn’t agree more!

Totally agree and was about to post something similar. If it was in response to Saturday’s message, a nice person would say ‘that’s kind, thanks, hope she’s feeling better’. The way it’s written reads like a reminder. Anyone who isn’t a dick would realise that as they were writing it. It sounds grabby because it is grabby.

I actually still think it reads as a reminder, with the repetition of the word present, even if we accept it was intended as a reply to Saturday’s message. The wording and the timing both point towards the OP’s original interpretation.

Ive also now seen his awful subsequent message which tends to confirm my view. Not a nice man.

Now you’re overthinking. He’s rude and you’re not, end of!

watching this thread is like binge watching Motherland. Wonderful!

Its a perfectly fine reply to the text you sent

*their opinions