HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Without knowing more info how can anyone answer?

How is he behaving towards you now? If he's learned not to be a pig then maybe you need to do nothing further.

Is the person who made the comment very senior or someone you report to?

I think you can appeal a grievance decision but my view is that the first decision will usually stand. It may be worth asking to move teams if that's possible but also look for other jobs if you wish to.

Without saying exactly what he said, could you give us a similar example?

You can appeal.
but we need more info to guide you.
Companies must act to prevent sexual harassment so if they haven’t taken this seriously and it happens again then they are in hot water.

Realistically, I wouldn’t push this.

What outcome were you looking for?
Did they ask you?

Hopefully, it’ll have been a lesson for him. I’d let it go (as long as it doesn’t happen again).

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Sorry that happened to you. It’s good they have spoken to him. Hopefully it stays on his record and will be useful if he does it again.

Isn’t that what they do though, pump the lips with liquid?

Legislation makes it very clear that intent isn’t necessary for sexual harassment to exist so your HR team has dropped the ball on this.

I’m not sure I see anything wrong with what he said. I’m not surprised HR has taken no further action.

Maybe it was the way he said it but, on the face of it, it’s a stretch to see sexual innuendo in “getting her lips pumped”

I think on balance you know he was being inappropriate, he knows he was being inappropriate but HR can't do much more than speak to him and ask him to be aware of how his comments can be "misconstrued". That is assuming this is the first complaint they have received.

Hopefully thats pulled him up short. If you know HR have received complaints before or he continues id take it further.

But you were getting your lips pumped? Have I misread something. Thought this was going to be something serious.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that can’t see a problem with what he said

I don't see how that's sexual innuendo?

The fact the colleague has form for this and answered on behalf of OP even though Q was not directed at him so he must have been pretty fast and so desperate to reply and the way that he termed it is clear innuendo wordplay for for vaginal (lips) intercourse (pumped).

However, yes technically that it was OP was having done but in the context of how it was said you can see why OP had an issue with it.

But I also see HR pov and he could argue nothing was meant by it so it’s difficult to be shocked by the outcome because of that.

I'm with HR. You overreacted.

Why on earth would you share such personal information with all your colleagues? I hope you've learned a lesson as well.

If he does make inappropriate comments, in your opinion, maybe he'll stop now he's been spoken to.

In the absence of there being anything further to it (him making lewd gestures or the like), I think I would have struggled to uphold that grievance too tbh. It’s a well known informal description for someone getting lip fillers - what exactly was so inappropriate about it?

I agree it was probably an innuendo but - given the actual words - I don’t think that HR could have done much else.

But It’s a reasonable description? After considering it again I can just about see where you could call it innuendo, but frankly it’s a stretch and you are putting obscene meaning into something that may or not have been meant. You are being ridiculous.

I needed that spelt out to me. I would never have come to that conclusion myself. I was just racking my brains as to why that would be a problem.

I would not have gone through HR for this but I suppose they also had it spelt out to them?

I see nothing suggestive here. An uncalled-for quip but nowt more than that.