HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

Definitely sounds like innuendo to me. You were getting your lips filled or plumped.

He was suggesting OP was getting her vagina (her ‘other’ lips) pumped, as in ‘getting a good seeing to’.

You should be able to appeal the outcome of a grievance so go back to HR. An appeal should be heard by people other than the ones involved first time around.

The initial investigation should have involved HR speaking to other people who may have overheard and/or been subjected to his comments.

In the event of you not feeling it was dealt with appropriately you could go to ACAS for advice and potentially make a claim against your employer / reach a settlement. Speaking to ACAS would be a good idea anyway, and a must if you’re not able to appeal.

Of course the innuendo is lips as in fanny, I’m surprised so many aren’t getting it! But we have no way of knowing if the comment was unintentional although the OP says he has form for it

In fairness sometimes my husband will look at celebrities in the news online, and ask me 'has she had her lips pumped up or not'. Yes, perhaps the more polite phrase is 'plumped', but ''pumped' is hardly obscene. You've said that this man has form for saying inappropriate things to people. You've gone to HR over a comment that could have easily been dealt with by your LM, and if this is what you class as 'inappropriate' or 'obscene', then I'm wondering how inappropriate this man's 'form' really is???? Of course, he could have been being subtle, and did mean the comment in an inappropriate way, but the comment was ambiguous, and open to interpretation - HR couldn't deem the comment sexual harassment etc, for this very reason. If he'd had said 'yeah, she's off to get her lips done, so she's better at blow jobs', that would have absolutely been inappropriate, and HR could have taken further action against him. In your position, I certainly wouldn't be trying to escalate the complaint, you won't get anywhere. As for changing jobs, it depends how much you have to interact with this man. If you barely have anything to do with him professionally, then there's no reason to leave. If you do have lots of interaction with him, it depends on how he's treating you now and if you want to work with him going forward.

I can spot the innuendo, but he played that well enough for there to be no HR matter. Sorry OP.

That's a bit of a stretch - no wounder it did not stand up as a complaint.

OP - if I were you I would save a complaint for when he makes the inappropriate comments that you say he does

People prob laugh at Sarah Millican saying that. It's shaky ground. He probably was using innuendo but you shared and he made something of it because sometimes that's what happens. He will probably stay quiet for a while. Just don't share too much

Yeah he's a sleaze bag.
Unfortunately as you can see by some of the posts on here it will be hard to prove what he was insinuating. Hopefully he will be more cautious and give you a wide berth.

Well it’s all subjective isn’t it? You haven’t lived OPs experience so it’s a bit of a stretch for you to tell her when she should or shouldn’t complain 🙄

It's very borderline as innuendo so I can see why HR couldn't take it further.

Hmmm I dunno I think sometimes just telling somebody to piss off with their stupid comments is better than involving HR. If it continues then maybe ok speak to HR.

I agree

Given the update you gave, let it go. what on earth is of sexual nature in his comment? He just stated a fact.

How is this comment remotely sexual ?

I can’t believe you went to HR with that. I would’ve assumed he meant you were getting them pumped up like with a bicycle pump.

It was a cheeky remark. But not sexual IMHO.

You know it doesn't matter if any of us would laugh it off or not. You know this bloke and you know what he's like and if he's making women uncomfortable with his innuendos, then he's now on the radar and hopefully he'll pack it in.

it would be how I would describe your procedure so I can’t get worked up about it coming form a man - I mean they do pump Botox into your lips don’t they ?

I don't like uncalled for sexual innuendo in the workplace - I once ticked off a colleague for referring to my pigeon hole as a "glory hole."

But this - really, OP ????

Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

How on earth is that grievance worthy?

How are so many people failing to see why it’s inappropriate?!

Sorry it wasn’t upheld, OP. Hopefully it’s enough for him to stop. He sounds like a creep.

I don't see the issue.
If he'd said you were getting blow job lips that would have been totally inappropriate.
Why on earth do you discuss getting lip filler with your colleagues?!

This is so awful that I had to have it explained to me. What a disgraceful man.
the fact that he admitted saying it is enough. He knew it was innuendo. Otherwise he wouldn’t have spoken for you.
appeal the grievance.

But is that not the case! I can see why HR dismissed the grievance.

What 😂. I think it clearly means her lips are pumped as in pumped up with a bike pump (mean but not her fanny).

I find it bizarre people thought of those lips. What a leap!

I used to be HR. You'd have massively struggled to get that one past me. There could be innuendo, of a Carry On nature, but surely it could also just be descriptive. I don't know the correct terms, as I've oddly never known anyone well who gets lip filler, but surely a pump or syringe is used to put the stuff in.

I also think they would be in a very weak position if they had tried to discipline him on that one example, and he may have kicked back. You really have to be able to nail someone through a grievance.

I'm not saying that you weren't upset, I'm not negating you feeling upset, but I'd suggest that you didn't have enough to raise a grievance - there was too much ambiguity.

This will now go two ways. You may actually have achieved something good anyway - he will accept a warning shot across his bow and will rein it in. Otherwise, he will grow bold in defiance and one of you will actually be able to nail him for something far less ambiguous. I really hope it will be the former - that will be more pleasant for you all overall.

Unfortunately you win a few, you lose a few.

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody.
nobody has a right to answer a question intended for someone else.
the fact he did interrupt and ensure he answered first shows he knew his intention was for everyone to hear the innuendo.
the only reference I know to pumped is sexual. The common word for facial lips is filled and nothing else.
this man intentionally used the word pumped. And he interrupted as he wanted everyone to hear.
HR have a duty to protect you from sexual harassment.