HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

It’s really not a leap.

YABU.

Stuff like that and much worse gets said in my workplace pretty much every day. I wouldn't want to work somewhere staff have to be all polite and formal with each other 24/7.

Poor HR.
Also, we really need to stop crying wolf, it’s making it harder for women with actual issues to get the help and support they need.

It is very hard to prove this kind of thing. But kudos to you for taking it so far.

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody

A lot of us aren't into cosmetic surgery so don't know the lingo. And lips that have been filled do look like they've been blown up with a cycle pump.

Anyway the OP felt offended so she complained. HR didn't agree (neither would I).

Matter closed. But he might think twice about making a comment that could be misconstrued in future so all is not lost OP.

But I think it says more about the people who make that leap than the person who made the comment in the first place.

Im confused @RockNRoll25 - wasn't he just stating a fact? what's sexual about having your lips pumped?

I can’t see a problem with that. Any more than if he’d said you were getting a spray tan, or your hair done.

"Pumped" also, per the dictionary, has the very non-crude meaning of something "being filled with liquid or gas". And "lips" are also the ones everyone has on their face, and which the OP was having filled.

Oh, OP - I’d agree with PPs, you picked the wrong hill. It’s such a shame as I know the type you’re talking about. But this was an easy one for him to bat away. I would force your line manager to man up and do his job. Raise complaints with him until he takes action. Keep a note of the comments he makes and compile some actual evidence to take to HR if he doesn’t lighten up now.

Lips pumped - I didn’t think that was sexual, until OP said. I can see the grey area especially when it’s plumped, pumped or filled. FFS - why tell anyone at work if you are sensitive??

In regrades to comment to other woman, your work doesn’t need to involve you in this at all. You made complaint & now next step not your business.

When you complain to HR, really you should tell them what you want to happen so they can provide feedback to you regarding what they will do and if your request is realistic.

Going back over 20 years now I’d not long bought my first house and took some annual leave for a tree surgeon to do some work. The joke in my workplace was “tofana is having her bush trimmed”.
The next day making a coffee one of my friends asked me if it was painful and I didn’t know what she was on about. Office whispers had gone from a trimmed bush joke to a full blown rumour I’d booked the day off for a bikini wax.

I wouldn't leave the company or ask to be moved purely as a result of this situation. Why should you have to take a hit for someone else's bad behaviour? I can understand that the incident and the decision may have changed how you feel about the company, but give it a little bit of time to see if you still feel the same way. I can understand your disappointment in the decision, but to a stranger who does not know you, your colleague, or the work dynamic the comment could be ambiguous. It's not to you as you know the larger context and see it as a part of a pattern, but IF HR discipline him and he takes legal action, it's going to seem unclear to an outsider, and HR will always want to err on the side of caution. (I'm not excusing them, just saying I'm not sure they're any worse than your average HR department). Your complaint, though, at least provides a little bit more context in case he does this again.

Of course, do keep an eye out for other jobs internally and/or externally if that's something you want anyway, but don't be pushed to settle for something because of this.

Having your lips pumped/plumped is an incredibly common term to refer to getting lip filler. A lot of women would use the term themselves. If you said to someone you were off out because you had an appointment getting your lips pumped, 99% of the population would understand that to mean you were getting lip filler instead of you were off to have sex.

It’s a cartoonish/exaggerated way to describe the procedure because it’s still viewed as quite a comical/daft thing by a lot of people and people have the visual reference of the comical fish pout lips.

It’s a very hard stretch to consider it an innuendo when the term itself exactly how he said it is a normal way to refer to the procedure, regardless if the two words independently are slang for something else. Together in this context, it’s a clownish reference to the procedure itself.

Yikes, big overreaction OP. That’s a common phrase for having lip filler

FFS that is not a sexual comment.

This. Unless he did hip thrusts while saying it? Did he do that OP??

Oh dear.

Pumped means fart where I'm from! I would've taken it as pumped up/inflated. I have never in my life heard of someone referring to sex as pumping! Humping yes, Shagging, banging , giving a seeing to, knocking boots, bumping uglies, playing a game of hide the sausage.... Never pumping. Where are people from where that's used to mean sex?!

He was out of order with your colleague. But I don't think "lips pumped/plumped" is out of order. That IS the treatment that you paid for

Are you in Scotland, the west of Scotland? There could definitely be a different connotation to that comment if so.

You were asked a question, he interrupted and made that comment to answer on your behalf. He was rude, and I suspect crude, but he has plausible deniability. It sounds like it’s one of many incidences, and this is the one that tipped you over. Unfortunately, it’s just not enough for HR to uphold your grievance.

Hopefully they’ll have given him some words of advice and his behaviour will change. If it doesn’t, I’d make a record and keep reporting where you can.

Sorry OP but I'm witn HR.
Around here getting your "lips pumped" is a very common phrase for getting lip filler.
As in, pumped up.

You have misinterpreted, and massively over-reacted. That's how it looks, even if there is a backstory that you say lends weight to your interpretation.

'Pumped' is a now-common misspeak (as seen in this thread) for 'plumped (up)' which is the original everyday description for the procedure.

I'd keep a low profile for a bit — and stop over-sharing at work! Your colleagues have no need, nor likely any wish, to know anything whatsoever about your private beauty treatments, and it's bloody intrusive to force that information on them in the workplace. Nor should they be asking you about such things during work time. Focus on developing your professional boundaries and general workplace decorum.

Agreed.