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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

642 replies

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:11

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

OP posts:
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Yellowboat · 30/06/2025 19:34

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Why did you tell them you were going to get your lip filler topped up?

I think you are oversharing with your colleagues. You could of just said you were going to the beauty salon. In effect you were getting your lips "pumped up" what did you think he was implying that you were giving blow jobs?

blackbird77 · 30/06/2025 19:34

Even Chat GPT states it’s a completely normal/slightly mocking way of referring to someone getting lip filler

HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague
ChristmasCwtch · 30/06/2025 19:36

You’re overreacting. You had your lips pumped with filler. The guy might be an old perv, but a standalone comment like that makes you a drama queen.

Yellowboat · 30/06/2025 19:36

Nccih · 30/06/2025 19:24

Poor HR.
Also, we really need to stop crying wolf, it’s making it harder for women with actual issues to get the help and support they need.

Yes this. Most people forget HR are there to protect the company NOT the employees.

CoralOP · 30/06/2025 19:36

Yikes, complete over reaction.

AprilShowers25 · 30/06/2025 19:37

Yes it’s not the comment in itself but the fact OP is saying this man is always making lewd comments and innuendo and she knows what the tone and delivery was like.

MaraB77 · 30/06/2025 19:38

Personally I wouldn't want to work around a colleague who tried to get someone fired for such an innocuous comment. I'd never say that to the colleauges face but I'd be watching my back all the time.

InterIgnis · 30/06/2025 19:39

He may have meant it as innuendo, but ‘getting lips plumped/pumped’ is common parlance for augmentation, and by itself it isn’t enough to prove sexual harassment imo. I’ve used ‘getting my lips pumped’ myself with zero (intended) sexual connotations.

I’m not surprised by the outcome of your complaint.

Orderofthephoenixparody · 30/06/2025 19:39

InterestQ · 30/06/2025 18:31

I needed that spelt out to me. I would never have come to that conclusion myself. I was just racking my brains as to why that would be a problem.

I would not have gone through HR for this but I suppose they also had it spelt out to them?

It's the explanation he gave that HR accepted he is looking down on the op. A lot of older men know why certain women do it and take the piss out of them. He was taking the piss out of her I don't want to go to deep and insult the op. Come on!

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 30/06/2025 19:40

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

But that's exactly what you were doing.

As an aside, if you expect / want people to take you seriously don't get lip filler!

JifNtGif · 30/06/2025 19:40

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:57

I didn’t involve my manager because he is usually (awkwardly) laughing along at the comments my colleague makes rather than pulling him up on them.

He said to a female colleague a couple of days before this that she looked like she had a spring in her step and was that because her husband had performed the night before. She was too embarrassed to say anything, whilst I decided enough was enough. Hopefully he will now stop as he knows HR have had a report.

I dont think you need to pump up the volume any more about this. The man hasn't done anything wrong! If anything HR will have your card marked now!

CrackOfYawn · 30/06/2025 19:41

usedtobeaylis · 30/06/2025 19:33

Are you in Scotland, the west of Scotland? There could definitely be a different connotation to that comment if so.

I was going to ask that too. In Scotland having a day off to get pumped defo has different connotations 🤣🤣

BobbleHatsRule · 30/06/2025 19:42

Hr made a reasonable call.

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 30/06/2025 19:42

Haha, you complained about that?! 😳

Zucker · 30/06/2025 19:42

You were literally getting your lips pumped with filler ffs. The only reason you went to HR with this is because you were trying to punish him for what he said to your colleague.

Drivingmissrangey · 30/06/2025 19:43

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:57

I didn’t involve my manager because he is usually (awkwardly) laughing along at the comments my colleague makes rather than pulling him up on them.

He said to a female colleague a couple of days before this that she looked like she had a spring in her step and was that because her husband had performed the night before. She was too embarrassed to say anything, whilst I decided enough was enough. Hopefully he will now stop as he knows HR have had a report.

Unfortunately you picked the wrong comment to take a stand against OP.

Butchyrestingface · 30/06/2025 19:43

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:57

I didn’t involve my manager because he is usually (awkwardly) laughing along at the comments my colleague makes rather than pulling him up on them.

He said to a female colleague a couple of days before this that she looked like she had a spring in her step and was that because her husband had performed the night before. She was too embarrassed to say anything, whilst I decided enough was enough. Hopefully he will now stop as he knows HR have had a report.

It seems to be a pattern of behaviour so I can understand why the 'Oh matron' schtick has worn thin for you. Your colleague was definitely entitled to complain so maybe that's something everyone needs to start doingl

As an apparent one-off, I can understand why HR was reluctant to take action over the lip pumping comment since it is, on the one hand, a literal description off what you had done.

Do any other people in the office (other than your manager) find him amusing?

Butchyrestingface · 30/06/2025 19:44

Drivingmissrangey · 30/06/2025 19:43

Unfortunately you picked the wrong comment to take a stand against OP.

That's what I thought. If the colleague - who had a strong case - had complained first, OP's complaint coming on the back of that would start to show a pattern of evidence.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 30/06/2025 19:44

PaterPower · 30/06/2025 18:24

Maybe it was the way he said it but, on the face of it, it’s a stretch to see sexual innuendo in “getting her lips pumped”

Totally agree. And was it a misspeak from plumped to pumped.

Sorry OP I agree with HR. Totally non issue.

Such a prevalent cultural norm in the UK to run to HR over everything. Yeah I can back this up with stats and amount of grievances in the UK versus western countries.

ScratCat · 30/06/2025 19:45

Am I missing something? You went to HR because he said you were getting your lips pumped?

If this is for real, good for HR. Ridiculous.

SpicedHerbalTea · 30/06/2025 19:45

I’m not being funny but you know that your HR colleagues aren’t the organisational police, don’t you?

I’ve worked in HR for a looong time and HR are there to support and guide the process… they may help with decision-making but 99.9% of the time they are supporting operational managers to make decisions.

If you’re not happy with the outcome, they should have offered you the right of appeal. You can still ask for that.

I get what you mean about the sexualised nature of the comment but you probably really needed to provide a lot more information about the context, tone, and why you think that he thought it was ok to do this. You should also have explained the outcome that you wanted.

If your own manager or another senior manager above you is allowing or enabling this behaviour generally, and is not open to assessing it, then that’s your actual problem.

Also really consider carefully people who say ‘you could go to ACAS and get a settlement’. In many cases you have to be so incredibly distressed at what has happened to resign with immediate effect. So don’t take that path lightly or think it’s an option unless (sadly) something pretty abhorrent happens to you.

FWIW I think the comment is probably marginal. But you should be able to speak out about a culture at work that is fundamentally sexist or inappropriately sexualised.

In your shoes I’d be looking for another job… the culture is very unlikely to change there without significant changes to senior leadership, and I just wouldn’t want to work in that sort of environment.

crazeekat · 30/06/2025 19:46

Yes it is a sexual innuendo for having sex. But you will never be able to prove it was what he really meant so the creep will stay. I suggest writing every disgusting comment down in future, times, dates , directed at you or not. Everything in earshot all to be used at a letter date. The creep will learn the hard way. The more women give in to “aww it’s only (creep), he always talks like that” the more creeps get away with it.

Sherararara · 30/06/2025 19:49

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/06/2025 19:15

How are so many people failing to see why it’s inappropriate?!

Sorry it wasn’t upheld, OP. Hopefully it’s enough for him to stop. He sounds like a creep.

Because it’s a common thing to say in the context of getting lip filler. I would say the same thing, or at least think it.
Whether It was innuendo or sexual in nature depends entirely on how it was delivered. As none of us was there it’s impossible to conclude one way or another. Hence why HR made the correct decision they did.

JackieWilsonsaiditstimeforbedlittleone · 30/06/2025 19:50

Has he made other comments to you? I would keep a record of his comments as I think this with no context could be seen differently (as seen on here).

As a stand alone comment I wouldn’t be offended but I don’t know him and I’m not you.

popcornpower2025 · 30/06/2025 19:50

Maybe I'm naive but I don't understand the innuendo