HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

LittlleMy I've obviously lived under a rock, I've never heard either word used with those meanings?! It wasn't obvious to me at all

Getting your lips “plumped” might be a thing, but “pumped” is not! I agree it sounds like an innuendo OP and I would bet this isn’t the first time he’s made a comment like that? Men making grim sexual comments wears thin very quickly and just shows his horrible character.

Do you like your job overall or would you have other reasons to leave?

Hardly personal information - it can cause bruising/swelling so it’s likely OP was going to be asked about it when she returned to work anyway!

I thought you were going to say he made a clearly crass comment like "blow job lips". I'm sure I've described lip filler as someone "having their lips plumped up". Pumped rather than plumped is barely any different in either sound or meaning so I can see how HR couldn't infer an innuendo.

He might have intended it in a vulgar way but the choice of words is too neutral for a third party to reach that conclusion.

It sounds like he has form though, so hopefully this has given him a short sharp shock and he will modify his behaviour.

I don’t understand how that’s sexual? You were getting your lips pumped up - maybe I’m missing something as I’m old and not up to speed with those sorts of treatments, but I’m struggling to see any sexual connotations at all there.

Sounds like a completely innocent comment to me. Why were you announcing to everyone about your lip fillers anyway?

I don’t think it’s sexual, but I think it was probably said in a way that was not complimentary.

It’s clear that this man is someone you don’t like or probably respect. I don’t think it’s worth going through the hassle of changing jobs, but I think there are two things you can do. One is to avoid him as much as possible and the other is to make a note of anything he says that you feel uncomfortable with.

I googled the phrase and AI definitely wasn’t offended and just explained it means filling your lips /lip augmentation.

A lot of people find lip-augmentation joke-worthy, so he was probably tapping into that aiming for a cheap laugh. What a geezer.

I agree he was inviting the other person to laugh AT you not WITH youand I am guessing that this colleague and yourself have a bit of a history of him making loud/lewd comments.

Id just glare at him from now on and steer clear!

I hope the lips turned out well!

That’s a very normal sentence to say in that context. Unless there’s a massive backstory, I can’t believe to reported that to HR!

YABU I know lots of people who say lips pumped or plumped instead of fillers.

If he has form for it then perhaps you’re already on the defensive.

Focus on reporting actual inappropriate behaviour, especially if as you say he has form for it.

I would stay exactly where you are. Why should you leave the job or the team? This incident is on record. Just bide your time, and if he does anything similar in future, go back to HR and complain again. They are under an obligation to deal with sexual harrassment (look up definition), and it would not look good at all if they brushed a second incident away. 🍷

Honestly, if someone said they were getting their lips pumped, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Are you sure you’re not misinterpreting?

HR background here and I agree with them, I feel you over reacted.
I don’t get the sexual reference and he stated what you were having done.

Would you feel the same way if a women said it?

You happily told everyone you were getting filler and he said pumped instead of filled… you over reacted.

Did you raise it informally with your manager before submitting a formal grievance? Unless there is prior history, this seems more like something that should be dealt with as part of the normal process of management, rather than as a formal grievance.

An informal process would have allowed them to say that his comment was at best misjudged and that he should speak with more care in future. Raising the stakes to a formal grievance might have made it harder for them to deal with the issue in a proportionate way?

EDITED TO ADD: Like others, I didn't see the innuendo interpretation until it was explained. It is quite a stretch to see it as such a crude sexual comment.

Think you’re being hypersensitive, perhaps don’t share so many details of your personal life in future.
Mountain and mole hill spring to mind.

That comment wasn’t worth a grievance. I’m not surprised it wasn’t upheld and feel sorry for someone having such a pathetic complaint made against them.

I usually have no sympathy for men who say things like "you can't say anything these days" but you just proved them all right.

OMG seriously?! How old are you? Is this your first job?

And what did you expect HR to do?

But you were getting them pumped, essentially. I don’t see what the problem is.

Is it is the context of him making other comments?

From description you've given it sounds innocent enough, but I guess your felt sense at the time was an intent to harass you? I wonder if there was a vibe that isn't coming through just from the words said.

I’m sure there is a grievance procedure that HR have followed which probably starts with talking to the parties involved, which they have done. HR have accepted that what he said wasn’t intended in a sexual way, and from the comments above, I think you are being a bit OTT about it.

But I don’t understand why you think HR didn’t uphold your grievance, what were you expecting them to do? Have a public whipping? Sack him?

That’s all he said?? No wonder HR dismissed it! Grow up!

Have you not heard of innuendo?