HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

[RockNRoll25]

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response.

Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

is It partly that the look of a highly sexualised woman includes pumped up lips? So you feel the comment is more sexual?

OP you are being ridiculous

In isolation the statement doesn't give reason for a grievance but if this were 1 of many comments or examples of behaviour then it could be.

cant see anything wrong with this

why are you telling everyone you’re getting your lips done anyway?

You have had them pumped up so I don’t see what the issue is

Sorry OP, in agreement with the majority so far - not seeing the issue.

I wouldn’t leave the team, I’d just avoid that person where possible.

if you were going to the dentist or getting a haircut on your day off, would you keep it a secret?

You said it and he repeated it. I don’t think you had a a case either.

“Pumped” is a crude way to say having sex and “lips” could mean labia..

I think you chose the wrong hill to die on there OP. All you’ve done is flag yourself to HR that you’ll need to be managed with kid gloves. Could you not have laughed it off and moved on or do you two have history?

Hi OP, I work in HR and would have made the same decision your HR team did.

I can see how it could be a sexual innuendo, and he may well have known exactly what he was implying but he also has a plausible defence. If he said "I can't believe @RockNRoll25 thought that, that's not what I mean at all, I'm absolutely mortified, I just meant she was getting filler" then the HR representative's hands are tied. They can't uphold the grievance although could have a quiet word about how comments can be misconstrued.

You have the right to appeal which should have been put in your letter but that means a more senior manager reviews the decision made by HR and I don't think there's enough evidence here to reach any different conclusion.

Agreed, it wasn’t the kindest of comments perhaps, but that’s about all. And factually it is true.

His real mistake was saying it within the OPs hearing, I bet a lot of colleagues also secretly feel that a day off to get lip filler is an odd choice but kept their opinions to themselves, or away from the OP.

I'm not surprised they rejected it.

A formal grievance is the nuclear option you take when you have exhausted all other ways of resolution. You completely overreacted. First thing you should have done is speak to your manager and say you are very unhappy with what he said. If you don't have a good relationship with your manager you could speak to another manager, call HR or speak to your union rep. You are going to get a terrible reputation using a formal grievance for something like this.

Yeah. He meant your 'other' lips, didnt he. Creep.

Yeah I feel like I’ve totally missed the point. That is not a grievance at all. Not everyone knows the correct terminology. It’s like lips do get pumped up! I think you’ve majorly overreacted here.

God what a drama over nothing, no wonder HR have closed it. It is true, you were getting your lips pumped!

Its a bit if a weird thing to do

I’m with HR.

I don’t think it’s sexual, but I think it was probably said in a way that was not complimentary.

I’d agree with this. I also don’t know why (well I do) he felt he should answer a question directed to you on your behalf. He doesn’t sound pleasant to work with. I can’t comment on the grievance bit though.

Did he? Unless he said it with a completely obvious leer or similar (that other colleagues saw), surely we can’t possibly know and so neither could HR?

If he does have history though, then people should keep reporting dubious comments and eventually the number might make a difference to them.

He said something that was totally factual

unless there was other things to take into he did nothing wrong.

perhaps you need not to tell everyone at work that you are having treatments done.

I didn’t involve my manager because he is usually (awkwardly) laughing along at the comments my colleague makes rather than pulling him up on them.

He said to a female colleague a couple of days before this that she looked like she had a spring in her step and was that because her husband had performed the night before. She was too embarrassed to say anything, whilst I decided enough was enough. Hopefully he will now stop as he knows HR have had a report.

You were getting your lips 'pumped' up with filler. I don't think the comment warranted going to HR.

I didn't get the possible other meaning until someone above explained it so I can see it could be interpreted as an innocent comment and that will be how he explained it. In the circumstances I am not sure what else they could do. Hopefully he will be more careful what he says in future.