To tell the school my child will NOT go to detention..

[Nataliaa]

DD year 7 has been given a 30 minute detention tomorrow afternoon, after school. Since starting secondary, she has received 2 detentions- 1 for forgetting her PE shorts and 1 for not completing homework.
I fully supported the school and the consequences DD had to face on these 2 occasions. She did learn from each time and since then, she has always been organised with PE kit and completing homework.
DD is well behaved, works hard and all school reports have been brilliant so we have no concerns.

Back to today… it is 31 degrees and the school allowed blazers to be left at home, but still expected the children to be in their shirt, ties and trousers (the school recently banned skirts, and does not allow shorts so all children are in trousers. All year round)

During lunch break, DD loosened her tie and untucked her shirt as she was so hot and sweaty… and then forgot to tuck in her shirt and redo tie before going back in.
She walked into English and straight away the teacher told her to tuck the shirt in and do tie, which she did.
Then whilst sat down she untucked the shirt again… she then got up for something and the teacher noticed the shirt untucked and as she had already been told once, she was given the detention.
DD tried to explain she was just so hot and sweaty, she felt she couldn’t concentrate and loosening the shirt helped.. she was then told off for answering back.

I do not agree with this detention at all. Other local schools have let kids go in wearing PE kits in this heat. The teacher was not wearing shirt and tie- she was wearing a floaty and cool summer dress.
I can’t think for the life of me how an untucked shirt would affect DD’s education, and why it’s more important to stick to a strict dress code rather than doing whatever is comfortable in this heat!!

I have never been in the position to disagree with the school, and not sure what would happen if I refuse to let DD go to this detention… also not sure if that’s setting the wrong message to DD, as I always encourage following school rules!!

Any advice? Is this a hill worth dying on? What would you do?

https://share.google/AhQiC8q3cjLQdItkq

Interesting and quite disturbing reading I think

I used my words.

Feel free to read my reply to the OP. Two wrongs don't make a right. The OP's DD was not a passive victim in this situation.

It doesn't really matter who is right or wrong about the shirt, because not turning up to a detention is inequivacably wrong and will be viewed as a much more serious transgression and punished accordingly

There are studies that show that authoritarian schools (and parenting even more so obviously) lead to a range of developmental problems in kids.
Behaviour becomes worse, kids lose self esteem and can even be empathy deficient. It's modelling bullying behaviour and teaching kids to get your way you need to use power over others. It's horrendous that so many schools are going this way and even more disturbing that so many people seem to think it's a good thing.

Surely they can't overrule a parents refusal to let a child attend? Can they? They don't own this girl. Its not the same as her just deciding not to turn up because she can't be arsed.

In my opinion it is posting in the manner of a Troll Ddakji . It isn’t engaging politely nor making much sense . I don’t think it has much ( or any ) interest in the welfare of children or any aspect of the subject matter at hand but gets a dopamine fix from being irrationally unpleasant .
For myself I’d like to thank you for your always thoughtful, compassionate & interesting posts on this and other threads .

Thank you for sharing.

They obviously can't imprison a child and refuse to hand her over, but they can suspend her and require her to serve the detention on her return. The school discipline policy is what you sign up to by enrolling their child- it isn't optional!

I read your reply. I’ve quoted it just now. I still can’t see what this situation has to do with either the declining behaviour in schools (schools shouldn’t have stupid rules) or preparing a child for work.

Ah well, thank you!! That’s very nice to hear.

You didn't quote the last reply I made to the OP when she asked the same question.

Watched a bit of Wimbledon today. Umpire, lines people, security guards, other officials all in shirt sleeves. The commentator interviewing the winner at the end of a match was in a jacket but he had come outside for 5 minutes from most probably an air conditioned studio.
It is possible to be in a workplace, do your job, look smart, without wearing a tie and blazer all the time.
I appreciate that schools are difficult places and teachers can't spend their time having conversations with every child on why rules should not apply to them.
I have no doubt however that there will have been other children in other classes in the same school where the teacher did not hand out a detention for an untucked shirt, where the teacher will have de-escalated a similar situation and taught their class just as well.

@Seriouslywhatnow

Of course DC should be encouraged to have their say and raise their opinions at appropriate times.

That doesn't mean you can have 30 students having individual strops about uniform rules during a lesson. No good school (state or independent) is going to tolerate that.

Ah well, I’m not trawling through your posts which aren’t part of my convo with you. I’m guessing you don’t actually have a point otherwise you would have made it to me.

Cheerio now.

Did that happen? No.

Why do you think kids should have to wear blazers in 30+ degree heat?

I'm what world is untucking your shirt when it's absolutely roasting, having a tantrum?

@Seriouslywhatnow

I don't see any relationship between being hot and having a shirt untucked.

It is deliberate defiance, especially after being told off by an adult already.

You really are a joke. You know what, I work with kids aged 16 &17. I'm not a teacher but I work with school groups. I see absolutely no difference in behaviour between the kids who have to adhere to stupid rules just for the sake of it - like this one! And ones whose teachers use their brains and treat them like humans beings (which by the way they are)
Untucking your shirt isn't defiant! Giving someone a detention for doing so when it's 30+ degrees teaches them nothing except maybe that teachers are awful jobsworths and deserve 0 respect.

This crap is why I homeschool.

I'm disturbed that people don't see this.

It's another conversation I can't have with some friends who are intelligent people yet don't get it.

Their kids aren't in secondary yet so they may feel differently when they see it first hand.

It's devastating tbh. I wish I had the means to change things but I can't.

The purity and capacity for so much in these young people and they're on a metaphorical conveyor belt of dog shit.

YABU. It's the school rules. If you don't like the rules, find another school.

If only so simple.

If you want to put it like that you can do.
But here are a few examples.

Pupils informed that they were able to wear PE kit as the weather was getting hot.
We had pupils turn up in full football kit i.e (as you will misrepresent this) Chelsea, Man U, etc. not the school PE kit.
Girls turning up in leggings so thin that to quote another teacher "you could count the freckles on her legs". (also not PE kit)

Non uniform days, not allowed to wear offensive or branded clothes.
The rule was put in after several pupils had to be sent home for offensive t-shirts and the branded stuff because it caused problems with some parents.

A school changed its summer uniform to allow shorts i.e dress shorts, chinos etc. Described as such.
Pupils wore hot pants or PE shorts.

There will always be parents and pupils that push the limits.

There is exceptional heat at the moment which is why schools need to be flexible. It must be unbearable to be in a school right now especially as most of them dont have air conditioning. In an office, owing to health and safety, it wouldn't pass to truss employees up in stifling suits and ties.