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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a crazy idea?

270 replies

MattHandjob · 30/06/2025 10:17

We are a family of 4 DC aged 11 and 9.

My husband would like to sell our house and buy two, two bedroom flats.

The flats are next door to each other and he envisages us (me and him) living in one and the children living in the other.

This doesn't sit right with me for a few reasons, I feel like we would lose family time if they have their own living space, not being close in case of a fire, giving up on a freehold property to buy two leaseholds and the annual charge they involve.

Is this a wild idea, is it even legal to live in a seperate flat to your minor children?

Anyone done anything like this or similar? Any thing else I need to take into consideration?

OP posts:
Uifpdjjjj · 30/06/2025 10:18

I can’t see a single benefit.
Can you explain why you’re considering this?

Alwaystired2023 · 30/06/2025 10:19

No I don't think you can do this, maybe if your children were in their late teens early 20s but no that's absolutely wild otherwise we would all be doing it; I'm now envisaging my 6 and 1 year old in the flat next door!

storminabuttercup · 30/06/2025 10:20

Would you really want this? Maybe if they adult children but not children. So many things wrong with it!

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 30/06/2025 10:20

What? Why is he proposing this, What's his thought process? Beyond weird.

Berryslacks · 30/06/2025 10:20

If this is real? Has your DH been out in the sun too long OP?

AmateurNoun · 30/06/2025 10:21

Can you join the flats into one property with an internal door? This will be both a question of it being physically possible to do it and a legal question.

If not, I cannot see how this would be at all feasible.

Comedycook · 30/06/2025 10:22

Omg! What on earth have I just read?!

redgingerbread · 30/06/2025 10:22

You cannot be serious.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 30/06/2025 10:23

What? This is a crazy idea.
Why doesn't he want to live with his children? Why are you even entertaining this?

Caligirl80 · 30/06/2025 10:24

Very weird. What's wrong with your house?

There are plenty of people in places like New York who buy adjoining apartments and knock them through into one big place, but the notion of putting the kids in a separate apartment would be considered neglect. Good luck getting home owners insurance if the people who are normally resident in the home are minor children.

5foot5 · 30/06/2025 10:26

One of the most bizarre ideas I have ever seen on here.
Are you sure he doesn't envisage you living in one flat with the DC while he effectively gets a bachelor flat to himself?

Dangermoo · 30/06/2025 10:26

I would be worried about his future motives.

huuskymam · 30/06/2025 10:28

So the kids would be living at a different address to their parents, even if its only next door. It's a mad idea. I would only do this if the kids were late teenage years or both flats could be made into one big apartment with the kids having their own living room and bathroom. Leaving 2 pre teens in an apartment alone, especially overnight, is asking for trouble.

Fratolish · 30/06/2025 10:28

Of course it's a crazy idea and of course you can't live separately to your minor children. What an insanely selfish suggestion.

InvitingMattress · 30/06/2025 10:28

Your husband sounds disturbed. What is his motivation for wanting to live in a separate flat from his 11 and 9 year olds? How would this work in practice? Is he imagining them doing all their own cooking, cleaning and maintenance?

Original poster
MattHandjob · 30/06/2025 10:28

He is looking to the future. He would like a second property in the future to rent out.

I think I'm going to have to stop the idea dead in it's tracks unless they can be knocked through until the DC are grown

OP posts:
InvitingMattress · 30/06/2025 10:29

MattHandjob · 30/06/2025 10:28

He is looking to the future. He would like a second property in the future to rent out.

I think I'm going to have to stop the idea dead in it's tracks unless they can be knocked through until the DC are grown

They’re 11 and 9! That kind of future is a hell of a long way away!

Comedycook · 30/06/2025 10:29

I'd imagine you did this and they went to school and told the teachers about this setup, the teachers would be reporting you to social services

chocolatemademefat · 30/06/2025 10:30

How selfish is he? I wouldn’t be abandoning my children for anyone with this view of family life. And I certainly wouldn’t be cosying up in a flat with him when he didn’t want his own children to be safe in a family home. Give yourself a shake - he’s an arse.

Original poster
MattHandjob · 30/06/2025 10:31

We are older parents he thinks we need to make plans sooner rather than later or a mortgage might not be possible

OP posts:
Fratolish · 30/06/2025 10:34

But none of his reasons justify wanting to live separately from his young children? Did you really have to ask if that's crazy?! You could downsize and get 2 properties sure. But obviously you can't just chuck your kids into one of them to live on their own!

InvitingMattress · 30/06/2025 10:36

MattHandjob · 30/06/2025 10:31

We are older parents he thinks we need to make plans sooner rather than later or a mortgage might not be possible

You sound as if you actually think he’s being responsible! Cop on, OP — it would disturb me to be married to someone who thought that having a flat to eventually rent out justified living separately to his two young children!

Comedycook · 30/06/2025 10:39

I can well imagine your kids will be frequent posters on the stately homes thread in a decades time...

LadyQuackBeth · 30/06/2025 10:40

I think you need to steer him towards a one bed rental, assuming that's a similar increase in price as going from 1 to 2 houses. Tell him he can start renting it out now and you get to keep your nicer living arrangements as they are.

It's a stupid idea, a total waste of a kitchen, for example, if the kids have their own, two sets of council tax. Legally you'd probably have to have one parent in each flat and if you ask any separated couple they'll tell you that running two households is much more expensive than one.

There isn't a single good reason to do it.

PurpleThistle7 · 30/06/2025 10:40

This is the weirdest thing I've seen today.

I have friends in another city who own two 3-bedroom flats - one on top of the other. They did not knock through as they are anticipating selling one in future. However they have all the living space in one flat and the sleeping space in the other flat. So they are downstairs in their office/living/dining spaces most of the day and go up together at night. They never leave the children in a flat by themselves.

Sounds totally awful to me but they love their area and can both walk to work and have prioritised that. They had one of the flats until a couple of years ago so had the children sharing the other bedroom and an office space. They anticipate either their children living in one flat when they go to Uni or renting one out or using it for their adult children to stay in when they are grown up (they are 14 and 10 now)