DD's friend is therian

[Minieggy]

Sorry, it's long. My DD (9) has a friend who goes to a different school. For a while we have been trying to arrange a play date but there's always an excuse so they haven't seen each other for 4 months. They keep in touch via email.
A couple of weeks ago the friend sent a message saying "I am now therian and so is my friend from school".
My DD told me straight away even before I saw the message for myself and showed me her reply. She basically said that she thought it was silly and that friend was too young and that it didn't sound properly thought through especially if her schoolfriend was also therian.
She didn't get a reply but about a week later my DD sent another email inviting her to a party (didn't give a date) and friend replied, said that being therian was not silly and that she wouldn't be able to come to the party.
My DD has been very tearful and says she wants her friend back but the friend she knew. She's heard from another friend this girl is wearing a mask and tail to school etc. Other friend says school have told them they should be supportive.
I have explained that her reply probably made this girl feel unsupported by my DD but that I was very proud of DD for knowing her own opinion and voicing it so articulately. However, it is unlikely this girl will want to continue the friendship as she will be looking for friends who won't question her.
My DD wants me to message the mum for a playdate but I don't know what to say.
What would you do?

YANBU - Try to steer DD away from the friendship

YABU - Go through the mum to see if anything can be salvaged?

Schools that support this should be deemed failing schools. No exceptions, such nonsense should be stopped from a great height.

That is separate from how the OP deals with the friendship or former friendship.

There’s nothing correct about calling a child manipulative.

would they be manipulative if they were a Muslim and someone told them they were silly for being one and calling time on a friendship? Or a goth? Or into a certain genre of music? It’s the sand difference.

or is it ok to imply the child is bad in character because they're ‘therian’ so that makes an individual ‘bad’?

Run for the hills. Do you want your kids seeing his behaviour and growing up like him or his daughter? You would be off your rocker to be with this man for another minute. He is a true controlling psycho and it looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

It is just dress up (and gif some a love of nature) unless the adults around the child indulge this kind of insanity.

I don't know what you're suggesting but an advanced search shows the ops of both threads have established accounts.

I expect that this is weird enough that many parents around these confused children seek out advice about how to handle this.

Bravo

I have to admit I didn't know what a therian was, I thought they were called furries

No, it was a very articulately expressed paragraph of text that stated with "I think it's a bit silly". I won't paste it here as outing but she was sceptical that she was especially as there are other friends identifying too.

Apparently that's different too...im down a rabbit hole now but am learning a lot. None of which changes my initial reaction that 9 year old girls are too young to know their permanent identities and that this is a phase and a worrying one at that.

It's a lot more than this if school teachers are being instructed to 'be supportive' ie pander to a child's belief that they are an animal. I spent hours in childhood being a winged white horse but I knew when it was time to stop being one and eat my human tea or learn my times tables. Pandering to children without boundaries does not help them grow up.

Her DD sent an email

So like a pen-pal really

How do 9 year olds know what a therian is?

I had to google it.

at this age surely it just means dressing up.

This…

This 💯%

" She basically said that she thought it was silly "

smart kid

Dressing up and pretending to be an animal is normal. The kid knows they are human and that they are playing a game.

Therian come with the belief system that they are the animal. It's not pretend, it's an identity. Adults who are interested in being 'woke' (to the detriment of thought or research) or actual predators support the belief system.

It's a cute and fuzzy, child centred gateway into the equivalent of a very harmful cult.

It's a dirty old man with a bag of sweets and a van full of puppies rubbing his kness next to a playground

At 9 the kid is only interested in the dressing up and pretend play aspects, but if they're using the word therian, you have to wonder what they're being exposed to. They're not going to be fine in a few years time

The litter tray can’t be true, or if it is, it’s not actually used as such

Not if teachers and pupils are being instructed to be 'supportive' see earlier comment re Fireman Sam...

Agree. What's the big deal? Your daughter is allowed to express an opinion. The other is upset, that's also fine. They're 9.

Move on.

If these children really haven't drawn a line between dressing up for fun and reality then I agree with your daughter, it is silly. 9 year olds say this sort of thing - that things are silly - and I'd probably say the same thing if asked about it. Not many 9 year olds indulge in this sort of play without boundaries, such as not taking it seriously and knowing when to stop, it's more much younger children that would do that.

The litter tray thing has proven to be a lie over and over again.

Is this a different DD to the one whose classmate ran around shouting the N word at break?

Agree with this.

The idea that schools allow litter trays and kids to dress up while there is rubbish. It's right wing propaganda perpetuated by Reform supporters etc. Feel free to provide externally validated proof that I am wrong - and externally validated does not include a Daily Mail article!!

“School have told them they should be supportive”

Eh? So kids get detention for wearing the wrong shoes but are allowed a mask and tail. FFS.