DD's friend is therian

[Minieggy]

Sorry, it's long. My DD (9) has a friend who goes to a different school. For a while we have been trying to arrange a play date but there's always an excuse so they haven't seen each other for 4 months. They keep in touch via email.
A couple of weeks ago the friend sent a message saying "I am now therian and so is my friend from school".
My DD told me straight away even before I saw the message for myself and showed me her reply. She basically said that she thought it was silly and that friend was too young and that it didn't sound properly thought through especially if her schoolfriend was also therian.
She didn't get a reply but about a week later my DD sent another email inviting her to a party (didn't give a date) and friend replied, said that being therian was not silly and that she wouldn't be able to come to the party.
My DD has been very tearful and says she wants her friend back but the friend she knew. She's heard from another friend this girl is wearing a mask and tail to school etc. Other friend says school have told them they should be supportive.
I have explained that her reply probably made this girl feel unsupported by my DD but that I was very proud of DD for knowing her own opinion and voicing it so articulately. However, it is unlikely this girl will want to continue the friendship as she will be looking for friends who won't question her.
My DD wants me to message the mum for a playdate but I don't know what to say.
What would you do?

YANBU - Try to steer DD away from the friendship

YABU - Go through the mum to see if anything can be salvaged?

You are telling us that kids are shitting in litter trays at school?! Come on! This is pearl clutching panic.

I'm not sure many people believed it but when the upper limit of crazy includes being supported by your school in your becoming-an-animal journey - I guess people have given up thinking that there's a point at which this batshittery will be considered too far.

It’s utterly ridiculous.

The mother and the school should not allow her to go to school with a mask and tail.

Jesus they’re not allowed to wear sandals to school in this heat!

From my experience it’s always best to steer clear, as inevitably you end up upsetting their delicate self indulgent feelings one way or another, simply because they’re on another planet.

I have no issue with telling a friend they are behaving batshit if I actually feel it's serious enough. I'd say it as gently as I could but I'd want it to land. The issue with today's so called democracy is that truth is no longer absolute, it's personal and subjective, and it's a dangerous road that we are on. My DD has been a dog since she was 3, she's 8 now, and whilst I will support her exploration with play, she does not get to eat out of a bowl on the floor at school. And. The fact the teachers are having to support this when there is a national crisis with staff retention, SEN capacity and school refusal, I'd say we do need to speak up, with respect, but we can't cower in the face of insanity.

No school is condoning it, every single post of this type has someone making this claim. Never makes it any more true.

I would be taking this with a MASSIVE grain of salt until I’d heard it from a grown up or the school and not a bunch of children. Kids saying that other kids are drinking milk from a cats bowl in school sounds like made up bobbins to me.

I amended your post for you.

@Minieggy - clearly the other child is hurt. An email friendship is hard for kids - adults get texts and emails wrong all the time and what your child said sounds a bit harsh. If you had upset an adult friend with your view it would be hard to get back on track but you might call and maybe set it right. You could talk to the Mum and find out if the friendship is salvageable - but it may not be. If it is, then you could maybe suggest meeting for a playdate of some kind. It’s fine to have a different opinion but it does sound like your child really burst the other’s bubble - no wonder they are upset.

How come these litter trays are always mentioned on these threads yet there's never a link to any articles in the press about which schools supposedly allow this?
If anyone here has a child at a school where children are using litter trays they should go to the press about it. Name and shame the school.
But that won't happen because it's complete and utter bollocks.

Indeed. Whether she was right or not she was rude, and it is hardly surprising that this child no longer wants to see her.

I wouldn't worry about 9 year olds dressed up but I would worry about what they are accessing on the Internet to know terms like therian.

My DD is a teenager and one of her friends is a therian, which I find more concerning at her age but the worst problem with it is the bullying, and how anyone friends with her becomes a target too, though DD says she's not bothered but its caused a lot of drama with old friends not wanting to associate with them.

They used to kind of shame or ridicule these children, so they quickly snapped out of it. Same with kids who insisted they were the opposite gender. These kids were laughed at and excluded by their mates. When nobody wants to play with you, you very quickly make a decision about what is more important to you: playing with others and have a social life, or being shunned by peers and be a loner and be a laughing stock. This has been almost completely eradicated and entire schools now pander to these children.

Totally. Because it's utterly untrue.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litter_boxes_in_schools_hoax

Cut off the Internet - she shouldn't be using it unsupervised unless it's for education purposes. No social media either untill she's 15 at least. Ladies, you are just asking for trouble putting up with all this online nonsense and letting your kids in it.

My DD plays cats all the time, obsessed with cats, her meow is so good I sometimes think it’s coming from the actual cat. The only thing that would concern me about the tharian thing is that it’s a very online idea. I’d be wondering about that child’s internet access. I wouldn’t stop them being friends but I would keep an eye on it.

Hmm. My friends telling me something I said or did was ‘silly’ might’ve (or did) cause me to have a rethink.

I’d like to think silence in response to ‘I’m a therian’ might be taken as disapproval but TRA openly state that women staying silent about their violation of female spaces is validating proof of their acquiescence (as opposed to us knowing men don’t like to hear ‘no’).

9 year olds going to school in a mask and tail isn’t silly - it’s ridiculous!

For Mum or DD? I’m thinking Mum.

Your daughter was not rude and has nothing to apologise for.
Every single person who is ‘respecting’ and ‘kind’ to a child falling for this strange ideology where you deny your human nature is causing her serious damage.
She needs to be told this is silly, so she understands the difference of play and reality.

I hope the parents have to clean the litter tray? It's blooming nonsense and Scottish schools have been told they don't need to pander to it.

feel like this was supposed to be rage bait to get everyone to praise the daughter who just knew and had fully formed opinions on therians at 9 so enjoying the responses pointing out that if you call your friend silly, then she won’t be your friend any more

Why does anyone think it's their business to try and change other peoples opinions. If you don't want to be a therian, or play at dressing up as an animal, then don't. Unsolicited negative opinions are just jazzed up bullying.

If you came into work in a dress I didn't like and I said "wow that's an awful dress, I wouldn't hang around with you while you're wearing that" would that be OK?

Can confirm no parents have been asked to clean imaginary litter trays

If more people called out the BS that is going around, the world would be a better place - especially for confused children

#TeamMinieggyJnr

My daughter and her friends liked to play "therian" when they were 9 last year. It was just a phase - they'd dress up in their masks and tails and bound around outside. She's 10 now and binned all her masks the other day because they're now on to the next thing. None of the kids were indulged by letting them wear their costumes to school though.

But it is silly? It’s also utterly ridiculous that the school goes along with this crap.