DD's friend is therian

[Minieggy]

Sorry, it's long. My DD (9) has a friend who goes to a different school. For a while we have been trying to arrange a play date but there's always an excuse so they haven't seen each other for 4 months. They keep in touch via email.
A couple of weeks ago the friend sent a message saying "I am now therian and so is my friend from school".
My DD told me straight away even before I saw the message for myself and showed me her reply. She basically said that she thought it was silly and that friend was too young and that it didn't sound properly thought through especially if her schoolfriend was also therian.
She didn't get a reply but about a week later my DD sent another email inviting her to a party (didn't give a date) and friend replied, said that being therian was not silly and that she wouldn't be able to come to the party.
My DD has been very tearful and says she wants her friend back but the friend she knew. She's heard from another friend this girl is wearing a mask and tail to school etc. Other friend says school have told them they should be supportive.
I have explained that her reply probably made this girl feel unsupported by my DD but that I was very proud of DD for knowing her own opinion and voicing it so articulately. However, it is unlikely this girl will want to continue the friendship as she will be looking for friends who won't question her.
My DD wants me to message the mum for a playdate but I don't know what to say.
What would you do?

YANBU - Try to steer DD away from the friendship

YABU - Go through the mum to see if anything can be salvaged?

I don't think a 9 year old needs email.

End of.

The reason this has happened is that the friendship is really over - no contact for 4 months- but they have now emailed each other and it's just causing problems.

I'd drop the email, no smart phone, and also let the friendship slide.

If I were your daughter I would send a message to this girl saying that she is invited to the party and of course she can attend as a therian, and would be very welcome as such, and respected. Then when she attends the party I would give her the kind of diet a therian eats, so either grass, raw meat or whatever marsupial/grazing food a therian consumes. It also means strictly no pizza, burger, sweets and cake.
When she complains and would say “I thought you were a therian” 😆😈

Neither you nor your daughter (nor any school) have to take another person's absurdities seriously. Steer clear and let them get on with it.
(That's my own approach to religion, for example 😀)

I was still playing at being a horse or a dog in the playground at that age.

Your DD wasn't very nice telling her it was silly (it is, but it's immaturity more than anything).

4 months between playdates, it sounds like it was dying a natural death anyway.

I'd sit your DD down and talk about how friendships often come in cycles, and its normal for friendships to drift with time, distance and different interests. This friend might work her way back to her in the months to come, but in the meantime she should focus on the friends she seems regularly. ie: her friends at school who she sees every day.
Friends are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

It seems like a lot of drama over a 9 year old pretending to be an animal. I remember a couple of girls in my year saying they were dogs and walking on all 4s around the same age. It soon passed.

The email address was automatically created as party of the Family app. Until this friend's mum asked if my DD had an email it had never been used as the Gmail app wasn't installed.
She doesn't have a phone and won't until secondary. She has access to a tablet for games but her profile has no Internet access. The email address is supervised by me but their chatter has been very innocent and surface level until now.
It wasn't no contact for 4 months but no meet ups. I think it's fair to say the friendship was waning anyway but my DD doesn't have lots of friends so I was trying to arrange play dates. I'm just not going to try now.

No idea why your child would want to be friends with a therian? Surely, you’d just make the assessment your friend had gone made and leave them to it without wanting to enter/indulge the shitshow? If I had a friend who told me this, I’d say ‘right, then’ and then proceed to reverse myself from the friendship at record pace. No time or capacity for such bullshit.

The litter tray is 100% true, I'm in NI. Check it out, its a small town where its happening.
The parents pushed for it and fully support their daughter. As far as I can tell, the teachers have no option but to support it.

She doesn't, she's grieving for the friend she thought she was and hoping that she will be the same if they met in person.

Therian? What fresh new hell is this?

The litter tray is 100% true, I'm in NI. Check it out, its a small town where its happening.
The parents pushed for it and fully support their daughter. As far as I can tell, the teachers have no option but to support it.

https://m.sundayworld.com/news/northern-ireland-news/school-hit-by-bizarre-claims-students-that-identifying-as-cats-refused-to-use-toilets/2032958934.html

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-67377626

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litterboxesinschoolshoax

Here are two articles and a Wiki saying it's not true, please provide your proof that it's happening. I'm assuming you have it if you're asking us to check it out?

Kids don't always tell the truth though. If I were you, I'd take all the rumours being spread by children from the school with a pinch of salt.

Your daughter is right that the whole 'therian' thing is silly. Her friend didn't like her opinion and that's fair enough. Treat this as any other falling out between children and encourage your daughter to spend time with other friends.

I'm not sure how to provide the proof? My daughter goes to the school, I know her parents.
It's a secondary school and not a grammar and a Protestant school.
I'm not derailing this post. I'm not bothered if you believe me or not.

I feel so sorry for this generation of kids.

Our generation of parents/ carers are failing them massively by supporting this behaviour. Heartbreaking in some ways.

Exactly. I have a 9yo and a child like that would have been laughed out of that stupid nonsense.

So it's actually happening after all the hoaxes and not one news article has been written?

Think everyone here needs less internet.

Surely a child publicly using a litter tray in school would raise huge issues. I couldn't imagine any school condoning it.

Is that her honest opinion though or is it your opinion that she’s picked up on. As I have two kids very articulate and they would not have come up with that reply on their own and I’m having trouble believing yours did too.

A nine year old child is not "therian". Any more than my brother was a cowboy until he was 12. Or I was an intrepid crime solver called Belinda on a smugglers island a la Famous Five. It's called dressing up and make-believe/fantasy play, which is good for the development of imagination and lots of other things. It's giving it a stupid name and that is silly and adults playing along with it which is actually quite sinister ("we will go along with things that are patently untrue").

Age 9 there is really no need to try and maintain friendships when they reach a natural end point - for example a school move. It ends up too tricky unless the parents are friends, or unless they live in the same street for example.

I would explain to your dd that some friendships end because circumstances change.

And remove her email - totally unnecessary.

I can't believe people actually believe the nonsense about litter trays. I'm embarrassed on your behalf.

The rain going to school with. Mask and tail my word what gentle/trendy parenting at its best your daughter's right it is daft

I do like the fact that the nine year old nailed it straight away

I guess there different sorts of silly, hopefully it is harmlessly silly, most likely it will be tediously silly

Being rude to friends isn't something to be praised. She's right to decline the party invite. I don't agree with everything my friends do but because I want to be their friend, I don't broadcast my opinion unless they ask for it and even then I'm diplomatic and polite. Thats a trait you should be proud of.