To want to reschedule my friend tomorrow

gollyimholly · 2025-06-30T00:16:36+00:00

Due to see a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'm 4 months pregnant and not feeling great. Dinner is in central London and it's apparently 35°C tomorrow. It would mean roughly an hour's journey using buses and the tube (not air conditioned) during rush hour - so could get warmer than 35°C underground. I'm feeling apprehensive as I'm already uncomfortable - and that's me being indoors with the fan on when it's 10° cooler. I don't use the tube often but worried it could break down and then what if I'm stuck in the heat.. I see this friend maybe a couple of times a year. We used to see each other maybe once a month or every couple of months but it has drastically reduced since having a baby a couple of years ago. We organised it on Wednesday last week and I wasn't paying attention to what the weather might be like. Do I sound like I'm being precious? AIBU to ask to reschedule?

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 01:20

Don't be that flaky friend, or don't expect to remain friends for much longer if you have form for this. I don't think you're very good friends if the friendship is weather dependant tbh!

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 01:28

You have a right to reschedule, but you should have told her before now. You’ve given her less than 24 notice.

In your shoes I’d probably cancel citing sickness/flu as a white lie (as I can’t bear the heat) but I’d expect her to think I was a bit flaky and not ask to see me again.

up to you if you want to deal with the fallout.

you should’ve told her earlier, it’s been roasting all week. YABU to not bother until the very day it’s arranged for.

Original poster

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 01:33

Urgh. I also do not want to be that friend...

I could have been better at paying attention to how it would be similarly hot tomorrow and getting things organised in better time.

I will (grudgingly) go..

Maybe important to add though - with toddler plus pregnancy, my interest in seeing friends or doing anything that isn't 100% necessary has just totally diminished. In fact, I maybe went out without DD for pure pleasure just a couple of times last year.

OP posts:

DelphiniumBlue · 30/06/2025 01:33

I’d cancel, tell the truth, that youre pregnant, feeling unwell and really suffering in the heat and are not up to travelling atm. She’ll probably be pleased she won’t have to travel into the centre in the heat as well. It’s not flaky, it’s looking after yourself.

TrousersOfTime · 30/06/2025 01:38

I don't have kids. I'd absolutely understand if one of my pregnant friends cancelled in these circumstances!

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 01:39

DelphiniumBlue · 30/06/2025 01:33

I’d cancel, tell the truth, that youre pregnant, feeling unwell and really suffering in the heat and are not up to travelling atm. She’ll probably be pleased she won’t have to travel into the centre in the heat as well. It’s not flaky, it’s looking after yourself.

This is what I mean about people being flaky, you also think the friend will be glad so she doesn't have to travel in the heat. This is not a good friendship! 😕 I do appreciate OP, that you are feeling unwell though so not wanting to be harsh, but I do think people have become really flaky in the last couple of years, so doubt an after effect of lockdown and WFH

Dogaredabomb · 30/06/2025 01:41

DelphiniumBlue · 30/06/2025 01:33

I’d cancel, tell the truth, that youre pregnant, feeling unwell and really suffering in the heat and are not up to travelling atm. She’ll probably be pleased she won’t have to travel into the centre in the heat as well. It’s not flaky, it’s looking after yourself.

I completely agree, you could say that you're afraid that you'll faint on the tube in the heat but she's more than welcome to come and have lunch at your house.

Garbera · 30/06/2025 01:44

I think rescheduling would be fine if you are not feeling up to it. Just be clear it's a reschedule not a cancellation and get the new date in asap.

However if this is mainly driven by a fear of the tube breaking down, then I think that is a bit of an irrational fear and I would maybe challenge it in your head. It's not impossible but it's also very unlikely, and you can take steps to mitigate by taking lots of water, cold pack or fan etc.

FullOfLemons · 30/06/2025 01:49

DelphiniumBlue · 30/06/2025 01:33

I’d cancel, tell the truth, that youre pregnant, feeling unwell and really suffering in the heat and are not up to travelling atm. She’ll probably be pleased she won’t have to travel into the centre in the heat as well. It’s not flaky, it’s looking after yourself.

I agree with this

Don’t suffer on the Tube.

Buxusmortus · 30/06/2025 01:52

Wouldn't blame you at all. I was actually due to meet friends I see once or twice a year on Tuesday in London, it's been in the diary for months, booked where we were going etc, but I'm rubbish in the heat and was thinking how I could tactfully suggest rescheduling when friend texted and said they thought it would be too hot.
We've decided to leave it till September, when we booked the date back in March we somehow completely forgot how hot and horrible london can be in summer.

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 30/06/2025 01:54

Absolutely just tell her the truth. The truth is always the best bet. You didn't even think about the journey in this weather ,and now you have and it's too much, you're sorry it's such short notice. This is the truth so just tell her that I say.

Yes it might be a disappointment but I understand why this isn't inviting for you.

Ask yourself how much you really want to see her going forward and possibly try be mindful of committing to anything a second time with her if you aren't sure you want to. I totally get it ref the heat etc on this one. There's also the fact you feel bad about not feeling as excited and wanting to catch up with her generally coming through the post.

In the future you might want to re connect more often again so it's good to be mindful of pissing anyone about going forward. I don't think cancelling this is pissing anyone about btw. Thereafter it might be if you commit to things you just don't want to do and cancel as a regular.

Don't do things you really don't want to. Don't over commit. It's ok to be that way.

NeverEverOhNo · 30/06/2025 01:54

I'd cancel but do a video call instead.

Usernamenotavailable19 · 30/06/2025 01:59

Could she travel a bit closer to you if you say you feel bad in the heat and dreading the tube?

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 02:01

Buxusmortus · 30/06/2025 01:52

Wouldn't blame you at all. I was actually due to meet friends I see once or twice a year on Tuesday in London, it's been in the diary for months, booked where we were going etc, but I'm rubbish in the heat and was thinking how I could tactfully suggest rescheduling when friend texted and said they thought it would be too hot.
We've decided to leave it till September, when we booked the date back in March we somehow completely forgot how hot and horrible london can be in summer.

This is nuts! But fully proves what I'm saying about people being flaky now. What better time to be with friends but in the sun enjoying a wine or three 🫠

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2025 02:16

I would cancel but do it now and lie

"Sorry, got to cancel tomorrow little one is very under the weather, think it might be the heat, dont want to to mess you about by cancelling at the last minute if s/he doesnt get better. Hopefully we can do it again soon. I am really sorry"

spoonbillstretford · 30/06/2025 02:21

YANBU. I hate flakiness but there are good reasons for cancelling at short notice. If I were the friend I'd already be suggesting to reschedule it.

spoonbillstretford · 30/06/2025 02:24

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 02:01

This is nuts! But fully proves what I'm saying about people being flaky now. What better time to be with friends but in the sun enjoying a wine or three 🫠

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Several glasses of wine and 34C heat would be a bit worse than "flaky" when pregnant, but sure, you do you. 🙄

Flashahah · 30/06/2025 02:24

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2025 02:16

I would cancel but do it now and lie

"Sorry, got to cancel tomorrow little one is very under the weather, think it might be the heat, dont want to to mess you about by cancelling at the last minute if s/he doesnt get better. Hopefully we can do it again soon. I am really sorry"

How odd to lie and bring your toddler into it…..

If you’re going to cancel, then own it.

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 02:26

spoonbillstretford · 30/06/2025 02:24

Several glasses of wine and 34C heat would be a bit worse than "flaky" when pregnant, but sure, you do you. 🙄

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Yeah ideally OP would’ve cancelled days ago. Possible friend has booked her tickets etc and won’t be able to get a refund this close to the day.

I hope op offers to pay for any transport her mate can’t get money back from

MyQuirkyTraybake · 30/06/2025 02:26

DelphiniumBlue · 30/06/2025 01:33

I’d cancel, tell the truth, that youre pregnant, feeling unwell and really suffering in the heat and are not up to travelling atm. She’ll probably be pleased she won’t have to travel into the centre in the heat as well. It’s not flaky, it’s looking after yourself.

This. I'd feel awful if my friend forced herself to dinner feeling like you are OP! 35 degrees is no joke.

Original poster

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 02:27

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 30/06/2025 01:54

Absolutely just tell her the truth. The truth is always the best bet. You didn't even think about the journey in this weather ,and now you have and it's too much, you're sorry it's such short notice. This is the truth so just tell her that I say.

Yes it might be a disappointment but I understand why this isn't inviting for you.

Ask yourself how much you really want to see her going forward and possibly try be mindful of committing to anything a second time with her if you aren't sure you want to. I totally get it ref the heat etc on this one. There's also the fact you feel bad about not feeling as excited and wanting to catch up with her generally coming through the post.

In the future you might want to re connect more often again so it's good to be mindful of pissing anyone about going forward. I don't think cancelling this is pissing anyone about btw. Thereafter it might be if you commit to things you just don't want to do and cancel as a regular.

Don't do things you really don't want to. Don't over commit. It's ok to be that way.

I totally appreciate this is how I'm sounding but she is an important friend. I was trying to sort of indicate that when I said pre-baby I used to see her quite often.

Since having DD I've been rubbish at staying in touch with friends. It's important to me but it is true it's gone way down the priority list. I message when I can but I think the fact I'm organising something is, specifically for me, an indication that I still care about this friendship. There's so much in my life that I no longer manage to keep up since having DD. Part of the problem is compounded by not living that near any family/help and also just in a rubbish location for travelling into London.

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2025 02:27

Flashahah · 30/06/2025 02:24

How odd to lie and bring your toddler into it…..

If you’re going to cancel, then own it.

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Well ime something that you have literally no control over tends to be better received than "I am not coming tomorrow as it might be too hot on the tube" which sounds flaky if the friend has never experienced pregnancy.

As a mother of 6 I get it, but it sounds like the OPs friend is childless so probably wont be so sympathetic.

Original poster

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 02:28

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 02:26

Yeah ideally OP would’ve cancelled days ago. Possible friend has booked her tickets etc and won’t be able to get a refund this close to the day.

I hope op offers to pay for any transport her mate can’t get money back from

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She's already going to be working in central London that day so won't be travelling in specially to see me.

OP posts:

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 02:29

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 02:28

She's already going to be working in central London that day so won't be travelling in specially to see me.

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Fair enough then if she hasn’t booked anything. You should tell her soon though, the longer you leave it the worse it’s going to look

CareerChange24 · 30/06/2025 02:30

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 01:39

This is what I mean about people being flaky, you also think the friend will be glad so she doesn't have to travel in the heat. This is not a good friendship! 😕 I do appreciate OP, that you are feeling unwell though so not wanting to be harsh, but I do think people have become really flaky in the last couple of years, so doubt an after effect of lockdown and WFH

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Cancelling once doesn’t make you flaky