To want to reschedule my friend tomorrow

[gollyimholly]

Due to see a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'm 4 months pregnant and not feeling great.

Dinner is in central London and it's apparently 35°C tomorrow. It would mean roughly an hour's journey using buses and the tube (not air conditioned) during rush hour - so could get warmer than 35°C underground. I'm feeling apprehensive as I'm already uncomfortable - and that's me being indoors with the fan on when it's 10° cooler.

I don't use the tube often but worried it could break down and then what if I'm stuck in the heat..

I see this friend maybe a couple of times a year. We used to see each other maybe once a month or every couple of months but it has drastically reduced since having a baby a couple of years ago. We organised it on Wednesday last week and I wasn't paying attention to what the weather might be like.

Do I sound like I'm being precious? AIBU to ask to reschedule?

Yes, she doesn't have any children.

I get what you're saying about the type of excuse.

In awe of you being a mum of 6, that's amazing!

Good point, I forgot this bit. Blown away though by how many people would cancel (that aren't pregnant). No wonder why not many MNers have any friends, also does no one go abroad to hot countries for holidays? MN is a baffling place sometimes

It was fucking mayhem for years! But brilliant too.

They have all but one flown now, and I do miss the chaos I miss the noise, I really miss the joy and fun and love. And I really struggle with cooking for 2 when I was so used to cooking for 8 every day pre divorce!

Ah she'll understand then. People can usually sense when you value them. It's absolutely ok to cancel.

If you're worried about other aspects of it maybe just throw in that you really want to see her, so can we reschedule it and ask when she's free another day / week instead. That says everything then.

On holiday you’re sat on your arse by a pool. That’s a very different scenario to being on the tube in 35° heat.
I can’t regulate my body temperature well, heat makes me feel sick, dizzy and out of it. I don’t enjoy it at all.

IME you don’t lie about your children being sick if they’re not.

On holiday I do much more than sit by the pool. I was in NYC in the sweltering heat on their 'tube' which is much worse. The cold might deter me from going out, but not the heat. Although no weather would stop me from seeing a friend.

I can’t bear flaky friends, but you are definitely not one of those op. A good friend would not dream of expecting you to travel in this heat whilst pregnant, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. If you faint people WILL just step over you.

You are not cancelling, you are rescheduling. Tell her the truth, you are feeling ill with the pregnancy and the heat is making it worse.

It’s perfectly normal to scale social lives back with young children. Friendships naturally wax and wane, they go through stages and this is another one. Stay at home in the cool, have a quiet day. You are allowed to look after yourself and your baby.

She’s pregnant. And it is going to be boiling. Don’t go op. Listen to your body. Put yourself and baby first. Stay home in the shade.

Absolutely agree that it’s okay to cancel. Your friend should understand. As long as it’s a rare occurrence real friends won’t dump you, as someone suggested above.

I don’t dare think about how hot it will be on the tube tomorrow! I think it’s absolutely fine to be honest with her and explain how difficult travelling on the tube in the heat will be.
Anyone who travels on the tube would understand it!!
im not pregnant and can’t think of anything worse than being on the tube right now!!! If you really don’t want to cancel though you could take some ice packs with you and see if you could take a longer/different route which may have aircon

I’d cancel OP. I live abroad and in my pregnancies we are actually told by our Drs out here to make sure our body temps are not getting too hot when pregnant to keep baby safe. And I live in a country with plentiful a/c! I’d not do it at 4m pregnant. Doesn’t make you a bad friend.

If you're going to be uncomfortable, then it's best to cancel. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you're potentially going to make yourself overheat, you've got an unborn baby to think of so I honestly don't blame you, I'd do the same.

As previous posters have said, probably best to cite sickness, but I'd try to rearrange straight away, just make sure you check the weather first!

Here's your medal.

Typical MN response 😆

Definitely cancel! Could you FaceTime each other from your own houses instead or have a Teams chat? At 4 months everything is exhausting and it would actually be quite irresponsible and risky to travel into central London in your circumstances- she’d be out of order to expect you to go in and will probably be pleased to not have the schlepp in too.

Just get an air conditioned uber?

but I would totally understand if a pregnant friend pulled out due to the heat - I’m sure most people would!

Don't call to cancel, call to rearrange. Could she come to you or at least somewhere you could drive to? Or can you suggest another day. Cancelling with a rubbish excuse is flaky, rearranging is understandable!

I’m not sure why some PPs are being so harsh tbh. I think it’s completely fair to reschedule when it’s this hot, pregnant or not. Your friend will understand. Just make sure to pitch some alternative dates when you message her about it

Cancel, but offer another day this week, so you’re not appearing flaky. The tube is particularly awful even on a warm summer day, heatwave and pregnancy, you’re not rude to cancel. I’d suggest though you invest more time in your friends. I was a single parent to 3, and still kept my relationships with friends, everyone has a few mins to reply to messages if they want. One day you might need those friends.

Agree with @zanatdy

MN: I never get invited to anything/my friends don't seem interested/no one comes when I invite them/I don't have friends/there's no village/I don't have anyone to talk to in RL/I don't have a tribe/my kids have no friends/school mums don't like me/my kids don't get invited anywhere etc

Also MN: tell you friend it's too hot, they'll probably be glad so they can stay home too

Sorry OP, really not trying to have a dig at you, but I do wonder if so many MNers realise why they don't have great relationships with many other people. Relationships do take investment. As a one off, just reschedule and say you're not feeling up to it if you genuinely don't want to go. Although you're only 4 months, surely you'll be less inclined as you get on? I do think if you and your friend get into the habit of doing this, the friendship will fade out

If you are only 4 months (so about 18/20 weeks?) I’d really think about whether you are genuinely going to want to reschedule - for most it only tends to get more uncomfortable as you get to the later weeks of pregnancy… be your own future friend!

I wouldn’t mind at all if you cancelled in these circumstances but I think the onus is on you to reschedule so I would make it clear that you’re keen to meet up another time and suggest some alternatives, don’t leave if another 6 months.

I’m normally team Just Get On With It but the only time I’ve fainted in my life was on the tube in a heatwave at 6 months pregnant. Luckily, I was with DH; I don’t know what would have happened if I’d been alone.

If you do feel you should go, make sure to take an ice cold drink to help keep you cool.

Op I would text her straightaway and say sorry, can you postpone tomorrow’s dinner because you have been throwing up around 5 pm these past few days, and you are feeling rotten generally in this heat, and thinks it’s pregnancy related. Really sorry to be flaky but you can’t manage transport or restaurants at the moment.