To want to reschedule my friend tomorrow

[gollyimholly]

Due to see a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'm 4 months pregnant and not feeling great.

Dinner is in central London and it's apparently 35°C tomorrow. It would mean roughly an hour's journey using buses and the tube (not air conditioned) during rush hour - so could get warmer than 35°C underground. I'm feeling apprehensive as I'm already uncomfortable - and that's me being indoors with the fan on when it's 10° cooler.

I don't use the tube often but worried it could break down and then what if I'm stuck in the heat..

I see this friend maybe a couple of times a year. We used to see each other maybe once a month or every couple of months but it has drastically reduced since having a baby a couple of years ago. We organised it on Wednesday last week and I wasn't paying attention to what the weather might be like.

Do I sound like I'm being precious? AIBU to ask to reschedule?

I’d cancel without hesitation. In fact my friend I both sent a last minute cancel note at the same time last week as it was so windy and we felt not safe (or comfortable). We both laughed! Since then we’ve caught up so no issues at all. If any of my expectant friends cancelled for any reason, I’d fully understand.

I think you'd be crazy to make the journey in this heat and four months pregnant. I'd tell your friend the truth and I would cancel.

Nice. Op it’s going to be boiling, they’ll understand if you reschedule.

What friend wouldn’t understand that it’s just too hot to travel on the bus/tube today if not necessary

if I was aware a friend was pregnant I would be saying let’s make it another day

my friend cancelled yesterday and that was only local because of the weather and thats absolutely fine

You’re afraid that the tube will break down sounds like you are making up excuses. In all the years I’ve been travelling on the tube I’ve not known one break down. And many of the lines are air conditioned now too, which you might not know if you aren’t a regular user of it.

Agree.

I know it's a bit different but I was in a Eurostar queue in Paris a couple of weeks ago when it was 32 degrees when a pregnant lady fainted. The station was really stuffy and warm.

Do you have a little fan or anything you can bring? cold towel? Frozen water bottle?

For those calling OP a flake, not everyone can deal with extreme heat and certainly not while pregnant. Why are we all expected to suck up vile heat? It’s not glorious. It’s disgusting and sweaty and makes one irritable as fuck.

in short, OP, don’t go. Reschedule.

Definitely reschedule. Tubes wil be hot and she prob won’t want to meet either. It’s not being flakey just sensible x

This is a very sensible reply and you will be travelling in to London at the absolute hottest time of the day when all the residual heat has built up. I’ve been on a Eurostar train which was severely held up because tracks were melting in the sun. It was airless and horrible and I felt ill without being pregnant. I think op is well within her rights to postpone, especially as her friend is in already situ in London for work anyway.

ETA, sorry I added a quote without meaning to!

On this occasion and given the risks of public transport in this heat, I'd ring her as soon as possible and postpone.

safety first, it isn't being flakey. Don't overthink it, sort it out, be decisive and make sure the next date you definitely show up for.

you'd actually be daft travelling when you don't have to.

I’ll re-phrase, you CAN sit on your arse by a pool if that’s what you want to do in a hot country. I physically couldn’t go on the NYC subway on a hot day, the one time I tried I passed out on the platform.
You need to realise that other people are not you, and if people are sensitive to weather changes then they are, that’s not being flaky it’s prioritising your wellbeing.

@gollyimholly I would not do this and I’m not even pregnant. I imagine many of the people telling you to go live outside of London and are not familiar with the tube. Temperatures can reach up to 6 degrees higher than surface level, meaning you could be looking at temperatures of 39 degrees. The heat is caused by the friction generated by the trains repeatedly breaking. Because of how deep the lines are, and the London clay soil, it’s impossible to cool, once it gets hot, it stays hot like an oven. None of the deep-line tubes (Central, Northern, Piccadilly, Victoria, Jubilee, Bakerloo, and Waterloo and City) have air conditioning - I would avoid these at alll costs. Elizabeth line and the sub-surface lines (District, Circle, Hammersmith & City, and Metropolitan)* *have AC, if you really have to go, I’d stick to those lines.

It's crazy how many people are telling you to lie! Telling your friend that it will be too hot for you because you're pregnant is absolutely fine. If you arrive very uncomfortable and not really with it, or make yourself unwell because of the heat, you'll both have a terrible time anyway.
Yes, it would have been better to tell her a few days ago. You could apologise for that. And make sure to offer some other possible days to meet up soon. You need to look after yourself.

Can you meet her in Glasgow - weather’s fekn shit up here ☔️

But seriously - I’d rearrange but tell the truth. The heat is dangerous in places not equipped to deal with it.

Also…..I hear you about losing interest now you’ve got DC but, without sounding patronising, don’t lose yourself to mummyhood. They won’t be babies forever and it’s so important to have a life outside family duties.

If I were the friend I would feel terrible if I thought my pregnant friend was putting herself through discomfort just to meet me and not appear a ‘flaky’ friend. Yes it’s short notice but true friends understand that things like this happen and it’s ok for you to prioritise your own wellbeing instead of being a people pleaser.

In these circumstances it’s ok . Can she travel out to you?

It is not safe to travel on the London underground ground in such heat. Add to that pregnant and toddler. Absolutely not.
Stay home.

I always have a hunch when friends re lying about "little one being under the weather". Especially when they are flaky anyway. It's a disgusting thing to do imo.

Especially when they have another parent at home...

It’s not really being a good friend to be so rigid though. Good friends are understanding and supportive. It’s not flaky to reschedule once because you don’t want to put your pregnant self on a potentially 35° tube. Flaky is a habit, you know that.

We get issued with weather warnings when the weather gets this hot. Please op do not take any notice of those who accuse you of flakiness - a horrible insult by the way. If those who are not pregnant are also choosing to stay home it is a sign of just how hard it is to be out and moving around in this heat. I find it slows me down a lot.

you really can’t trust the motives of a lot of people on MN. They seem to use the forum as a means of manipulating others to do things that are self harming. Please do
not listen to them.

Self harming 🙄😆 Good lord, how do you think people in actual hot countries cope every day?

Just to make a general point about flakiness. I do unfortunately cancel on friends maybe a little more than the average but if it’s not (genuine) illness it’s because of extreme anxiety & my friends understand & are for the most part pretty supportive. I’m definitely better than I was. It sounds like some pps would drop friends for being ill!

I'm coming to London today and would cancel if I could...and I'm not pregnant! Not looking forward to the tube or indeed sitting in a stuffy hall for 2 hours tonight.