To want to reschedule my friend tomorrow

[gollyimholly]

Due to see a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'm 4 months pregnant and not feeling great.

Dinner is in central London and it's apparently 35°C tomorrow. It would mean roughly an hour's journey using buses and the tube (not air conditioned) during rush hour - so could get warmer than 35°C underground. I'm feeling apprehensive as I'm already uncomfortable - and that's me being indoors with the fan on when it's 10° cooler.

I don't use the tube often but worried it could break down and then what if I'm stuck in the heat..

I see this friend maybe a couple of times a year. We used to see each other maybe once a month or every couple of months but it has drastically reduced since having a baby a couple of years ago. We organised it on Wednesday last week and I wasn't paying attention to what the weather might be like.

Do I sound like I'm being precious? AIBU to ask to reschedule?

I've never been pregnant or had a small child to look after outside the confines of a house. I also have no recent experience of using the Underground. And maybe I'm projecting my dislike of very hot weather onto your situation @gollyimholly but I honestly think that anyone who loves you will encourage you to make the right decision for your health. If that means avoiding discretionary travel till we have more mellow temperatures, then that's what it means. If you've already been in touch with your friend, you've presumably taken the very good advice from pps to frame it as a reschedule rather than a cancellation. Putting your health first isn't flakey - it's good sense.

(The air-conditioning on the tube consists of opening the windows between carriages. So you get dirty hot air as well as not being able to hear . Soooo relaxing 😜)

But you are making this about you and your situation. Perhaps your 'flakey' friends genuinely had problems with both pregnancy and small children. After all, they are human and possibly not attached to a 'calendar' date.

I've got loads of friends and on occasion for various health reasons we have had to cancel at short notice, never a problem.

No, I no longer go on a summer holiday to anywhere further south than Northern France in June to September, it's too hot. If I want to visit Spain, Italy or the south of France I go in spring or autumn.

I would never visit somewhere like India or Thailand because the heat would ruin it for me.

Somewhere like Iceland, Norway would be an ideal holiday destination for me, I'd much prefer to be cold than hot, you can just add layers, but it's hard to regulate body temperature in excess heat.

Just because you love heat doesn't mean that everyone else should.

Not everyone goes on holiday for heat. Our ideal holiday destination is somewhere we find interesting. And we'll plan to go when the weather suits us and the activities we want to do whilst there.

I don't think the fact that some people prefer cooler weather makes MN a "baffling place" tbh. That's just you not being able to see outside of your own preferences.

Good lord. It's a baffling place because of the flakiness and hypocrisy, not the weather!

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

Very sensible, and a lovely friend who clearly doesn't think you are a flake for a nano second.
I definitely would have wanted you to postpone in the circs.

That's absolutely not what you said!

Proving herself to be a lovely empathetic friend. I hope you get to have a fun catch up soon!

She's a definite friend to be valued. Enjoy your rest and the next time you get together.

I'd have completely understood your reasoning. A decent friend would. I probably would also have expected it in the circumstances.

People do. Any one with chronic illness can tell you that.

Cancel if you're uncomfortable, OP. I would understand.

But don't stop seeing friends because you have children, you said upthread you want to see them less and less, you may need friends later. Isolation is never good.

Good outcome.

I'm in London and I won't be doing anything unless it's essential over the next few days. I WFH but do have to use the Tube tomorrow and I can't get out of it.

I wouldn't be doing all that travel in this heat.

that good

any good friend would understand

I certainly do not socialise with friends as much since I became and mum and made mum friends too, life and priorities change. Good friends understand this

I am glad she prioritised your well being, as she should,it’s the sign of a good friend op. Cool shower and quiet day for you 😎

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to reschedule but your comments about not having time /interest since you had kids are slightly grating
don’t be suprised if in a few years when you more time that those you have dismissed now aren’t that keen to spend their time with you

They may be grating to some people but the reality of having a toddler and eventually a new baby is that you don’t have as much time, resources, or emotional bandwidth, to spend on friendships as you once did, and I don’t think women should make other women feel badly about it.

I totally agree. If another mum says she’s struggling to get out and have her own time, I think that’s a time to show empathy and offer support even if they’re a stranger. I would hope she’s okay and hope she’s finding some time for herself as life sounds a bit challenging right now. There’s no need for me to compare her struggles to anyone else’s and try and minimise them because she still feels the same and might need help. You never know what someone is going through so better to lead with kindness.

For me I would never make someone feel badly about not wanting to see friends anymore. People are free to choose who and when they want to see. But equally, I don’t want to be made to feel bad when I don’t want to bother with those same people later on when they decide they have time.

Agree.

Get an air-conditioned black cab instead?

Stop making plans if you have no interest in having friends.

If she's working and you're travelling especially to see her that does sound more onerous on you but you agreed to it and it is flaky if you to back out now.