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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
rwalker · 29/06/2025 21:42

The problem is it does sound like you pick at things a lot do to him it will seem constant and everything he does is wrong and you are always right don’t dies unkind the situation because he’ll just think she’s off on one again

personally I wouldn’t do the dishcloth thing but it’s not the end of the world

as for lifting up by arms I’ve done that and genuinely didn’t realise till I was told

there always has to be compromise but please pick your battles

LurkyMcLurkinson · 29/06/2025 21:42

The dish cloth thing is gross but as a one off mistake, even if he didn’t acknowledge it was inappropriate, i’d share my view and then leave it there. Handling a baby like that is incredibly dangerous though and i’d worry that his handling could injure your child and see you facing medical and children’s services assessments of any injuries. In terms of your relationship what’s the wider context? As in, is there some anxiety and over protectiveness there which means he minimises all your concerns, even the very serious ones? Or is he controlling and always thinks he knows best?

soupyspoon · 29/06/2025 21:42

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

@MidnightPatroltried it, his response is that when DC are in his care he can parent how he sees fit and when DC are my care he will also leave me to it. And that’s that.

Well thats true isnt it?

He hasnt caused harm or presented risk to the child. Just done something you dont really approve of

Commonsense22 · 29/06/2025 21:42

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:38

@PeapodMcgeehes not an abuser he is doing a lot of things well as a dad which is what is making me so conflicted. He just thinks he knows best a the time and wants to work as individuals rather than a team particularly around safety concerns

I do understand, my DH had a very different level of hygiene tolerance.
I enrolled health visitors and midwives to give preplanned spontaneous llectures on the relevant topics when DH appeared. It helped a bit.

JustAnInchident · 29/06/2025 21:43

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:38

Then you deserve to have your baby removed from you, quite frankly. He isn't safe whilst you are prioritising your husband.

Quite. Can’t believe you’d rather play nice with your husband at the expense of your child getting physically hurt by this man. What the actual fuck are you thinking?!

Emonade · 29/06/2025 21:43

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:38

@PeapodMcgeehes not an abuser he is doing a lot of things well as a dad which is what is making me so conflicted. He just thinks he knows best a the time and wants to work as individuals rather than a team particularly around safety concerns

You are the mother, you are still in the fourth trimester, he should be listening to you. He is endangering your baby and he sounds horrible. He is borderline abusive by the sounds of it

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:44

soupyspoon · 29/06/2025 21:42

Well thats true isnt it?

He hasnt caused harm or presented risk to the child. Just done something you dont really approve of

He's lifted a 3 month old up by the hands repeatedly, risking potentially dislocating their shoulders or elbows - that is harmful and risky

soupyspoon · 29/06/2025 21:45

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:32

I feel so angry inside when he picks him up by hands, how uncomfortable it must be for him but I don’t say anything to not make these marital issues we are having any worse.

Yes this is unsafe handling, is the HV able to visit whne he is around and give advice

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:45

@rwalkerues this is the problem I’m trying so hard to do that. I’m new to this too, baby is only three months. I’m aware I’ve not been picking battles and now I am trying to I am finding it hard to actually know when to say. And even when I do say the battle is worth fighting for I’m often dismissed (not all the time) but most of the time.

my safety concerns are often me being woke or over protective.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 29/06/2025 21:45

The cloth thing is a non-issue imo. I wouldn’t let him pick the baby up by his arms though, that’s not acceptable. It’s worrying that you don’t think you can tell him that he is hurting your child and that you do think he’d believe you, or even a Dr if they said the same thing.

soupyspoon · 29/06/2025 21:45

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:44

He's lifted a 3 month old up by the hands repeatedly, risking potentially dislocating their shoulders or elbows - that is harmful and risky

I was talking about the dishcloth. I have answered about the handling

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:46

@Emonadewhy do you think he’s abusive? He just says I’m bossy but as other posters said I was calling out too many things after baby was born. To me they were all valid but obviously not to him and therefore it makes me look like I’m nit picking so now it makes it difficult

OP posts:
loobyloo1979 · 29/06/2025 21:47

Op you're not listening, your making excuses. Your priorities are wrong. Dish cloth is horrid but picking up by his arms is damn right dangerous!!

2025ismybestyear · 29/06/2025 21:47

My husband picked up our toddler by her arms. Hospital. Cast. Not using arm for quite some time. Your h is a twat.

Cloth thing , terrible.

IShouldNotCoco · 29/06/2025 21:48

YANBU

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

OP posts:
Poobs2022 · 29/06/2025 21:51

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

Most likely because you're saying you'll pick your battles and you're not wanting to raise the lifting by the arms issue. It's not safe.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 29/06/2025 21:51

Please please get a grip on your anxieties. Dishcloth in the moment - your kid will be fine. Dangling by the arms - perhaps less so. You are muddling concerns, no wonder your DH is struggling to understand the real issues, and is dismissing them all. I worked with a woman like you and the drama with her PFB. Oh my God drama, after drama, with the husband, the nursery, life, it was awful. The child started school and was perfectly fine. The hysteria from the mother just off the scale. I stopped listening. No amount of reassurance worked, but it affected her work and her competence.

Kimwestonhelpless · 29/06/2025 21:51

JustAnInchident · 29/06/2025 21:43

Quite. Can’t believe you’d rather play nice with your husband at the expense of your child getting physically hurt by this man. What the actual fuck are you thinking?!

The expression speaking to a brick wall springs to mind.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:51

Please just tell us you will take your baby to a doctor. Babies can't tell us when they are injured.

CrackingOn50 · 29/06/2025 21:51

Is this the same man who prop feeds the baby whilst lay down?

WakeMeFriday · 29/06/2025 21:52

2025ismybestyear · 29/06/2025 21:47

My husband picked up our toddler by her arms. Hospital. Cast. Not using arm for quite some time. Your h is a twat.

Cloth thing , terrible.

@2025ismybestyear sorry to hear about your toddler. Can I ask if it was just once they were held by their hands which lead to the fracture?
Asking as I have some family members who need telling off for this.

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 21:53

I’ve concluded I will call out things that could be life or death and leave it otherwise.

Then your child isn’t safe in your home, to be completely honest. Neither parent focusing on the baby’s wellbeing adequately in order to prioritise one parent’s ego. Sorry OP, it’s not fair on your baby to make that decision. Literally prioritising perceived harmony in your marriage (but actually just walking on eggshells and appeasing his ego) over the safety of your child. And admitting that’s the plan.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 29/06/2025 21:53

He used a cloth recently soaked in bleach on your baby's face? Honestly he is a dick head.
Imo he will be one of those df's who wrestle their dc until they cry. Then label your dc a wuss..
Imo.

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/06/2025 21:54

Speak to your health visitor about the arms thing. This is not on. Very easy to dislocate joints like this. Your baby is not a doll. I’m getting stressed on your behalf at the thought of this, as are previous posters by the looks of things.

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