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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:25

@Commonsense22please explain why he’s dangerous (aside from the arm lifting). I’m not being daft but genuinely I need help decoding all of this.

OP posts:
Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:28

forgetting the dangerousness of picking baby up by hands - do you not see how this could be seen by others as abusive. He’s dismissing you, ignoring your concerns and you’ve said he undermines you to health visitors etc, he sounds awful

Clareat2021 · 29/06/2025 22:28

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

He is risking dislocation, this needs to stop now. If he won't stop, you need to ask him to leave.

AllTheChaos · 29/06/2025 22:28

Just saw your update. His behaviour is not ok, and is unsafe

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:28

@MidSumneryes he said to me twice now I’ve spoiled the newborn phase for him because of the arguments and my calling out bossy behaviour.

it upset me, but also is now making things very difficult.

he even told me yesterday I put the baby on his bed (we are currently sleeping separate to do shifts to avoid both of us waking at night), and baby got sick on his sheet. He told me not to put baby on bed for this very reason or make sure I clean him up if I do

but he lets his dog sit in the bed and has no issue with that?

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Werp · 29/06/2025 22:28

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:25

@Commonsense22please explain why he’s dangerous (aside from the arm lifting). I’m not being daft but genuinely I need help decoding all of this.

Leaving a tiny baby crying behind a closed door is dangerous, lifting a baby by the arms is dangerous, using a cloth that might have bleach on it is dangerous, most of all his attitude of using a newborn baby to play mind games with you is horrendously dangerous as it won’t end, it will escalate.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:29

@Namechangeani feel I have spoiled it by not picking battles so now when there is a battle it’s minimised. I have put myself in a difficult position.

i also have not yet called out the hand lifting but I already know how it will likely go. I might be surprised though we will see

OP posts:
flightymadam · 29/06/2025 22:30

To me your DP sounds arrogant and is dismissive of your concerns because he doesn't like to be challenged or criticised in any way. What's he like in general? It is difficult to argue with a big/fragile ego. Taking care of a small baby is not a matter of 'you do it your way and I'll do it mine' when the baby's health is at stake.
If a HV or doctor can't get through to him then you may need to leave to protect your baby. Can your family back you up?

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:31

@flightymadamfamily have backed me up on one incident and it didn’t go well. My mom called him out on something and it’s till this day created a bit of an atmosphere

I asked my mom to call things out that are serious otherwise to tell me

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 29/06/2025 22:31

Your DH lacks even the basics of hygiene and his empathy is non-existent. His child is not a rag doll to be dragged by its arms (how would he like to be carried like that?) and the baby had just been sick, so it's revolting to use the dishcloth for that. Has he never seen a baby wipe?

yet another example of weaponised incompetence that we see so often on here.

Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:31

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:29

@Namechangeani feel I have spoiled it by not picking battles so now when there is a battle it’s minimised. I have put myself in a difficult position.

i also have not yet called out the hand lifting but I already know how it will likely go. I might be surprised though we will see

You’re a new mum who is anxious and trying to find your way. It sounds like he’s doing stuff that is shit parenting to be honest. And has now convinced you it’s a you issue. Destroyed your confidence to the point you are letting him handle your baby in a way that could injur him

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:32

@flightymadamhinestly, he just thinks I’m hormonal, irrational and illogical and that’s why he’s dismissive of things I point out.

he also thinks I’m overprotective

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namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:32

@daisychain01there were on baby wipes close by

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cestlavielife · 29/06/2025 22:32

When you ve visited a and e to get elbow joint put back in place a few times your "dh" might understand why he should not be lifting by arms ... keep an eye and if baby stops using one arm get to a and e for joint to be put back in place (and dh to get a telling off)

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:33

@Namechangeanyes I do think I’m contributing to the issue I agree with your post.

thing is all I want is best for my baby and it’s hurting me that we can’t just try and work towards that but he sees my view as what’s best for baby as over protective. This is where we are clashing

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 29/06/2025 22:34

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:32

@daisychain01there were on baby wipes close by

I'm weeping on your behalf @namechangesafe dont doubt yourself, please x

Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:34

Has your DH always undermined you like this or only since the baby was born?

Clareat2021 · 29/06/2025 22:34

cestlavielife · 29/06/2025 22:32

When you ve visited a and e to get elbow joint put back in place a few times your "dh" might understand why he should not be lifting by arms ... keep an eye and if baby stops using one arm get to a and e for joint to be put back in place (and dh to get a telling off)

More like Social Services applying to Court as the baby is injured...

PopeJoan2 · 29/06/2025 22:34

Springadorable · 29/06/2025 21:18

I find it weirder to use a cloth that you use on the floor on your dishes. So with the context provided, while I wouldn't use that cloth, it doesn't seem unreasonable given the other things it's used on.

Totally with you with the arm thing though. Babies and young children need supporting around their body, their joints aren't up to that sort of tension.

Sorry, what? Because the dishcloth is used on the floor as well as dishes it is ok to wipe the poor baby’s face with it?

Op, your dh is out of order in both regards.

JIMER202 · 29/06/2025 22:34

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:29

He insists the kitchen floor is clean and there’s more germs in the sink than on the floor. He refuses to stop doing it so much so that I figured I may aswell do it too if they’ll be used for the floor anyway

This is vile. You use cloths that have been on your floor to dry your dishes?! What!

and I wouldn’t be ok with my baby being carried by the arms! Why is he not using his armpits ffs.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/06/2025 22:35

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:25

@Commonsense22please explain why he’s dangerous (aside from the arm lifting). I’m not being daft but genuinely I need help decoding all of this.

If you're the poster I think you are, he also leaves your baby to cry for ages, and feeds him lying on his back, which is a choking risk.

Namechangean · 29/06/2025 22:37

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:33

@Namechangeanyes I do think I’m contributing to the issue I agree with your post.

thing is all I want is best for my baby and it’s hurting me that we can’t just try and work towards that but he sees my view as what’s best for baby as over protective. This is where we are clashing

Speak to your health visitor about your concerns and she will tell you if you are overreacting or not.

I don’t like to jump to conclusions but it sounds like your DH is abusive which is why you walk on eggshells around him.

Werp · 29/06/2025 22:37

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:33

@Namechangeanyes I do think I’m contributing to the issue I agree with your post.

thing is all I want is best for my baby and it’s hurting me that we can’t just try and work towards that but he sees my view as what’s best for baby as over protective. This is where we are clashing

What matters more - trying to get your husband to see your perspective? Or protecting your baby? You seem really stuck in the mindset that the first is possible, if you compromise the second enough. And it’s very clear that this is a power play not a difference of opinion. So you lose just by trying to play. You need to forget about trying to change your husband or trying to hammer out a compromise, and work out how to keep your baby safe from him. Could you stay with your family?

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:37

@Namechangeani think it’s always been there but I used to be less vocal about things. With age I’ve started to speak up you could say and it’s creating issues.

He said he feels 90% of relationship issues are me, because I have mood swings and can get angry - but I almost feel maybe a lot of the time I have got some issue that’s fuelling all of this.

im definately blaming myself a lot and also cannot distinguish reality a lot of the time and my perceptions are eroded

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