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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
loobyloo1979 · 29/06/2025 21:56

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

As @Poobs2022says , you keep saying you'll pick your battles. Your baby is in danger of being seriously hurt. If my dh had done that and not listened he would have been out of the door as it meant he couldn't keep him safe. You aren't keeping your baby safe!! He's a tiny human, he needs to be protected, which neither of you are doing.

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:57

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/06/2025 21:54

Speak to your health visitor about the arms thing. This is not on. Very easy to dislocate joints like this. Your baby is not a doll. I’m getting stressed on your behalf at the thought of this, as are previous posters by the looks of things.

Very much so, actually can't bear to think of this tiny toot being repeatedly picked up by the hands and having an undiagnosed dislocation

WakeMeFriday · 29/06/2025 21:57

OP I know how hard things might be for you right now, when you are at your most vulnerable phase of life. Please explain clearly to your husband about how fragile and vulnerable a 3 months old baby is which is still a newborn really. Their neck and back needs to be supported. They shouldn't be held by arms. Also, involve the HV to explain to him about how important it is.
Please prioritise your baby. The baby matters more than anything.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:57

Ok thank you all for responses. I will bring it up and hope it doesn’t create an argument but if it does so be it.

this is part of the problem I feel confidence is completely eroded with parenting and calling things out. My reality feels distorted and it’s difficult for me to make judgements right now.

i don’t know if it’s because im a bad decision maker or hormones I have no idea but I feel emotionally worn down.

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 29/06/2025 21:58

The dishcloth situation is grim but not significant compared to picking a baby up by his hands and leaving him dangling. As PP have said, it could cause fractures or elbow/shoulder dislocations and your baby does not deserve to go through that.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/doctor-warning-parents-children-wrist-warning-b2559198.html show him this if need be- I know it is by the wrist in the article but the risks are the same.

Doctor warns about one way parents should never pick up their children

Grabbing a toddler by the wrist can result in injury called nursemaid’s elbow

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/doctor-warning-parents-children-wrist-warning-b2559198.html

Tadahhh · 29/06/2025 21:59

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:20

Because it’s a baby and hence why bottles are sterilised etc, it’s different for my own dishes because my immune system is much stronger @Wolfpa

That’s not why bottles are sterilised.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:59

I feel awful now. Bad about myself, everything really.

having a baby has been such a joyous experience but emotionally very difficult for me.

I am just emotionally struggling.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/06/2025 22:00

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

That's dreadful. So dangerous for the baby.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 29/06/2025 22:00

Ask your health visitor for a home visit when he will be there..

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 22:02

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:59

I feel awful now. Bad about myself, everything really.

having a baby has been such a joyous experience but emotionally very difficult for me.

I am just emotionally struggling.

Sorry OP my last message probably read as harsh and it’s obvious you’re having a tough time made much tougher by a pretty horrible and selfish partner.

Please speak to your health visitor and be honest. Do you feel you have a good rapport with yours and can open up to them?

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:02

I'm going to mention it before the HV, if he doesn’t accept and agree not to do it again then I will consider next steps.

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 29/06/2025 22:04

No i would not use a used dishcloth on my babies face. However we have a basket with about 50 clean microfiber cloths near the sink so I would happily grab one of them and use it then put it in the wash

loobyloo1979 · 29/06/2025 22:04

Can you imagine the conversations:-

doctor- how did these injuries occur

dm- my dh was dangling him by the arms

social worker- why did you let him to this?

dm- I asked him to stop

social worker- so you knew it was wrong then, why did you let it continue?

dm- because I didn't want to rock the boat....

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/06/2025 22:04

Are you the poster who started the thread about nursery at three months?

If you are, you've got a lot of serious DH problems.

Confrontayshunme · 29/06/2025 22:05

I responded before assuming that he lifted baby by the armpits the way you described it. Lifting a 3mo by the hands when they have so little muscular control could seriously hurt them. That I would stick to. Just say "either you will have a chat with the health visitor about ways to properly move baby safely or I will talk to them about how you are currently doing it".

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:05

@anytipswelcomeits ok, I really
struggling so much. I have no one to talk to and see a therapist, he even tells me seeing a therapist makes him feel bad like he’s being slagged off and then I feel guilty for seeing therapists.

i don’t talk to friends or family too much as I’m afraid they will then turn and I just can’t deal with it.

he tells me majority of the relationship issues are my fault. Maybe some of them are, I honestly can’t make sense of anything - my reality is completely distorted.

this is very messy and upsetting for me.

even harsh posters I am grateful for opinions but please be kind right now I’m very fragile.

thank you.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 29/06/2025 22:05

precious

Petitchat · 29/06/2025 22:08

Just googled it.

It IS dangerous and babies should always be lifted under the armpits.

Can cause something called "nursemaids elbow"

OP, put a stop to this right NOW and get baby checked over asap

itellstalez · 29/06/2025 22:10

I keep a pile of flannels under the sink. About five are used a day before they are slung in the wash at 90 degrees, on everything from cleaning up spills to dusting the lounge to washing sides and dirty floors. Their biggest purpose in life is to clean up the baby after meals or to wash toddlers sticky hands. It’s not a big deal! I’d have done exactly the same as your husband.

TheSilentSister · 29/06/2025 22:10

What's wrong with you woman? FFS, he's picking your baby up by the arms! That's going to cause problems, dislocation, fractures. How can anyone think that's OK. Seriously, the dishcloth is nothing compared to that.
Get a grip, protect your baby.

Cynic17 · 29/06/2025 22:10

I guarantee that every single one of us will have had our faces scrubbed with a dishcloth when we were babies - especially in a moment of "crisis" 😂 We all survived - it's really not a big deal.

CrackingOn50 · 29/06/2025 22:10

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:05

@anytipswelcomeits ok, I really
struggling so much. I have no one to talk to and see a therapist, he even tells me seeing a therapist makes him feel bad like he’s being slagged off and then I feel guilty for seeing therapists.

i don’t talk to friends or family too much as I’m afraid they will then turn and I just can’t deal with it.

he tells me majority of the relationship issues are my fault. Maybe some of them are, I honestly can’t make sense of anything - my reality is completely distorted.

this is very messy and upsetting for me.

even harsh posters I am grateful for opinions but please be kind right now I’m very fragile.

thank you.

Oh darling, if you're the same poster as I think you are then you need to speak to Women's Aid and professional services.

You're in an abusive relationship where your husband is hurting both you and baby. If you let this continue I can see something catastrophically horrendous happening to baby.

Imisscoffee2021 · 29/06/2025 22:10

Three months being picked up by the arms and taking the weight of his own body on his shoulder and elbow joints?? That's so so dangerous, I'm even careful with my robust toddler doing things like that as they're so hypernobile at that age and their skeletons aren't fully developed yet.

Why does he do it!? So he doesn't get wet or something? Does he want to dislocate his child's elbow? Idiot.

Werp · 29/06/2025 22:12

You’ve created a number of threads under different names about your husband’s behaviour. Taken all together it does sound like he’s abusive, and that while you live with him and try to appease him you can’t safely look after your baby in the way your (good) instincts are telling you to. I feel really sad for you and the baby. If I were you I’d do all the parenting and not trust him with it at all, however little sleep that meant getting.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:13

I now feel shittier for not judging my decision on which battle to pick. Calling him out on the dishcloth and not the arm thing.

i just feel like shit

OP posts: