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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 29/06/2025 21:18

I find it weirder to use a cloth that you use on the floor on your dishes. So with the context provided, while I wouldn't use that cloth, it doesn't seem unreasonable given the other things it's used on.

Totally with you with the arm thing though. Babies and young children need supporting around their body, their joints aren't up to that sort of tension.

Confrontayshunme · 29/06/2025 21:18

YABU your baby will be fine. It isn't the ideal (a clean face only cloth) but it isn't the worst either (IE neglect). Let him parent or you will find yourself doing it all alone.

Wolfpa · 29/06/2025 21:19

If the cloth is good enough for your dishes why is it not good enough for a face?

Rachie1973 · 29/06/2025 21:20

It’s not perfect but it’s not the worst thing I’ve heard.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:20

Because it’s a baby and hence why bottles are sterilised etc, it’s different for my own dishes because my immune system is much stronger @Wolfpa

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MidnightPatrol · 29/06/2025 21:20

IMO this is gross as you use it to clean dishes.

I wouldn’t want something used to clean someone’s face then used on the dishes.

Nor tbh do I particularly like the idea of something used on dishes then used on my face!

We have some called ‘cheeky wipes’ which we use for face and hands in the kitchen, that you can then wash.

On the other points… you need to have a discussion when not related to a specific incident, explaining that you’re both learning and need to be able to discuss how to raise your DC / what behaviour you are both comfortable with.

Tinkerbellflowers · 29/06/2025 21:20

Im with you. Using a dishcloth to wipe a three month old baby is horrible. And lifting a baby up by their arms is dangerous.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

@MidnightPatroltried it, his response is that when DC are in his care he can parent how he sees fit and when DC are my care he will also leave me to it. And that’s that.

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Radionowhere · 29/06/2025 21:21

YANBU. Can you agree to disagree and keep something on hand, muslin for example, that can be used instead?

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

I haven’t mentioned anything about lifting baby up because this is where I’m at, any issue I raise gets dismissed and I am made to be silly

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MammaTo · 29/06/2025 21:22

No that is proper gross, you wouldn’t wipe your own face with it so why wipe a baby.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:22

@Radionowhereyes we have Muslims lots of them, there was even kitchen towel available. There were Muslins in the next room that were about to go in the wash but I’d rather him used one of these

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DahliaBlooming · 29/06/2025 21:23

Just reading the title of your thread made me feel sick. YANBU

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:23

If / when your baby becomes injured, you will be expected (by social services) to safeguard your baby from him.

I would take baby to GP or A&E to check for fractures. Awfully common when living with such a man, I'm afraid.

Radionowhere · 29/06/2025 21:23

Missed the part about lifting the baby up by the arms. That's totally unacceptable.

UnfashionableArtex · 29/06/2025 21:24

@namechangesafe what do you mean by the arms? As in grabs the baby's arms and pulls upwards?!

NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 21:25

The dishcloth one is not ideal, but not the end of the world. I wouldn't have commented on that to him. It does feel a bit picky particularly since he just grabbed it quick to wipe sick up. You should stop cleaning your dishes with the same cloth you use to clean the floor though!

The arm one is unacceptable. That's not a safe way to move a baby. If he damaged the baby doing this it would be a red flag for the hospital and you'd be find yourselves getting a visit from SS.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:25

@Confrontayshunmeyes I’m aware which is why I’m struggling. Quite badly.

today for example, I’ve told him baby has a rash on his face. His response was so dis the lady at works baby it’s normal (as if I’m worrying over nothing). Our baby also often cries after feeds and now myself a family member and nanny said he gets sick a lot, he says no he doesn’t and he hardly ever gets sick when he feeds him.

I’ve also said baby is often not napping long in the day, his response was he does for me.

like Wtaf, I’m end of my tether.

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Eenameenadeeka · 29/06/2025 21:25

Yanbu

Mulledjuice · 29/06/2025 21:28

DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

This is much more of an issue than a dish cloth on the face.

The arms thing isn't good.

I made an agreement that I would only call out stuff DP did if it was dangerous (rather than preference) IF he read x parenting book/ did some research himself.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:28

@PeapodMcgeei actually haven’t said anything about the lifting arms thing and I’m trying hard to pick my battles. I clearly chose the wrong battle, but at the moment I’m hormonal and just not always thinking straight.

I’ve felt uncomfortable with the lifting thing but am too worried to say anything because as another poster said if I keep chipping away it is going to mean I’m doing it alone.

but I also am struggling to keep silent.

I’ve said to him why can’t we just be one the same team rather than against each other he says because he feels things I point out are often not safety issues and are illogical

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LoztWorld · 29/06/2025 21:29

UnfashionableArtex · 29/06/2025 21:24

@namechangesafe what do you mean by the arms? As in grabs the baby's arms and pulls upwards?!

Yes do you mean actually by the arms or holding baby under the armpits? if under the armpits that’s fine at 3 months. If by the arms/hands that’s abuse!

Dishcloth thing sounds fine as it sounds to me that it was newly and thoroughly cleaned. I’ll be honest and say i use whatever’s lying around to clean my kids faces and no issues so far… i have a tiny baby right now too.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:29

He insists the kitchen floor is clean and there’s more germs in the sink than on the floor. He refuses to stop doing it so much so that I figured I may aswell do it too if they’ll be used for the floor anyway

OP posts:
MidSumner · 29/06/2025 21:30

I'd rather do it alone that with him

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

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