Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

@WeddingWTF
I think this is your unconscious mind looking out for you, it has lept out & burnt all the bridges so that there's no going back and you have no choice but to cut all ties and walk away from these arseholes.

Well tbh after a bottle of wine not much is planned is it

Op I think you did nothing wrong. This "family" bullied you disgracefully for 20 years. They don't get to pick the timing or ferocity of your fightback. DO NOT APOLOGISE or COMPROMISE.
But do realise they are your enemy, don't trust them or expect them to behave fairly. They think you are trash.

Because that’s what years of abuse can do to a person. Do you really not understand after years and years of discussions about why women stay with abusive men? You could have just left is about as ignorant as telling an anorexic ‘it’s easy. Just eat something’ or tell some with depression to just get over it

Presumably though you wouldn’t have spent years introducing someone as ‘the slag’

Maybe the OP deserved their opinion of her too, based on her subsequent behaviour.
In vino veritas can be a dangerous thing.

Id call it just EPIC

Not surprised you snapped. Only that you put up with it for so long. Get away from these awful people. Get legal advice. Stop beating yourself up. Stop apologizing. They richly deserved your reaction. Go you!

Cut off all contact (for their sake and yours) and start over.

Working today will read posts when I get home tonight. A lot of you have suggested that I go to therapy to talk things over. I am going to look into therapy this week.

I dunno, honestly this could have been better handled but frankly if you treat someone like utter shit for years, don't be surprised if one day they break.

Reminds me of those women who get beaten up and abused and destroyed for years, one day they snap and kill their husbands. I sometimes wonder why they didn't do it years earlier, and why society so often blames the woman instead of the man.

OP, your young son is going to a giant problem on his shoulders, but I think you need to talk honestly to him. Covering things up now is going to make it worse for you and him. He's younger than is ideal, but I think you need to tell him how you've been treated, what you've done, acknowledge it was wrong, and lay out for him what they are likely to do (turn him against you).

You took it for years, without standing up for yourself. My God when you exploded it was nuclear - but now you have to handle your son with much more maturity. He's the one you have to look out for now. Hiding truths doesn't help. You need to really do the hard thing now and speak to him.

I’m impressed to be honest 😂 you told them all the truth.

Do you care - or is this what you wanted - and went about it in a really bridge burning way so you can't back out?

Best I can say is while I feel for you about the verbal abuse you took for 20 years this is probably the worst way to handle the entire situation.

IF all this happened, I can’t believe no one on mumsnet hasn’t recognised this in RL because lots of people involved and this kind of drama would spread far and wide! Mostly accompanied by a lot of chuckling at the craziness of it all!

Also I've never caused drama in my life.

this made me giggle

The OP hasn’t once mentioned the impact all this will be having on her poor early teens son.

He must be wondering what the fuck is going on, utterly derailed by everything

Yes, this is what I've been thinking all through the thread.

There's every chance court won't be necessary as he may vote with his feet anyway.

And this happened a few months ago

And Saturday evening just before pub closing time, the OP thought “yeah I’ll start a thread about that drama a few months ago”

This all happened months ago so what’s been happening in the intervening months?!

So, she was so ground down that she couldn’t end it, but empowered enough to behave in the way described in the OP? No, I do not understand that.

.

They sound utterly despicable.

And being honest @WeddingWTF, I’m actually pretty in awe of the way you ‘snapped’.

Let them take you to court and thank your lucky fucking stars these cunts aren’t free to abuse you constantly anymore.

I'm not sure about this wide-eyed acceptance that because OP said this family were so awful, that it is also true that OP has objectively spent 20 years being all sweetness. We have some odd discrepancies here;

1. 20 years, yet son is early teens
2. No one knew she had a child at the wedding 3 years ago (all the family surely knew about a then-10yo???)
3. Same wedding, bunch of strangers were laughing that she's called a slag, and angry messages OP is just sitting there playing nice
4. Angry drunken messages are being sent about a persistently "awful" family of at least 6 people, yet only two phrases "slag" and "shit mum" seem to have been used in the whole 14-15 years.
5. DH aware his brother was trying to shag his wife, yet moves in with said brother; bride also does not believe the tale
6. 14-15 years ago someone suggested that a teenager consider abortion, I am unsure why it is inappropriate to remind a child that they have options.

It's for the best that they are cutting ties now, obviously nobody is happy. OP - if you go for counselling, please try to be objective and honest about the past as much as possible. A counsellor can't help if you give only sanitised parts of your story.

Look at it this way you didn't say anything at the wedding you sent a text. They have said and done far worse to you. Honestly I think you are well rid of the lot of them I don't know how old your son is but in time he will respect you more for splitting up from his dad. Leave them all to there paddy ,don't bad mouth them to your son he will work it out for himself.

My god what a horrible mess.
Whats done is done. Now you need to consider how to move forwards. You’ve tried apologising, not surprised they aren’t accepting your apology but at least you’ve made it known that you understand your actions were wrong. I suggest you stop drinking, consider whether you need help with this. Move forwards by keeping positive, kind, untoxic people around you. You are the company you keep, from a young age you’ve kept unpleasant unkind people around you, it has rubbed off… time to be kind to yourself, move forward now with a positive attitude.