Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

I think you've been verbally and emotionally abused and beaten down for years by your horrible husband and toxic in laws and with a bottle of wine, you hit the end of your rope and blew their shit up.

How many occasions of yours did they wreck?

Was any of what you said lies?

You'll be well rid of those assholes.

Just be careful. You've been their scapegoat and the family punching bag since you were a teenager and they might try to suck you back in because if you're gone, someone else will have to take that position.

Did you all try to guilt her into getting an abortion? Does the entire family introduce her as 'the slag'? If not then how is it the same?

There's one thing OP absolutely could have done to avoid a "breakdown" on the day of a wedding she chose not to attend at the last minute - and that was not to drink a whole bottle of wine. I don't believe OP would have sent those texts if she'd been sober.

What's unhinged about one episode of sending texts after 20 years of abuse?

Sounds like a plot from a soap opera

Nothing at all can excuse this awful, appalling and undignified behaviour.

You all sound as dreadful as each other, I’m afraid.

But it wouldn't have had the same impact ))

@WeddingWTF the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to seek legal advice ASAP. His family is unlikely to have jurisdiction to 'take you to court' unless they follow the grandparents' rights route, which is complex, and a last-ditch resort when other approaches have failed. For now, it's for the two people who have parental responsibility to thrash out an agreement. Your husband told you that the marriage is over and you need to proceed on that basis. Once you've done so, he can organise contact between your son and his family on his contact time. This is not your job to facilitate.

I'd have two priorities in your position, neither of which includes his family. First, get legal advice and sort out residency and contact arrangements for your son ASAP. And second, engage in some therapy as to why you stuck it out for two decades with a husband who seemed quite happy to overlook his family's horrendous treatment of you. This work is necessary if you don't want to end up in a similar position in the future.

As to right now, this situation was bound to come to a head at some point. Albeit you used a 'novel' approach, the fact that you've burned your boats so spectacularly is probably a good thing. You'll be mortified - probably for a good while - but that's the price you pay for your actions. There's no coming back from this so all you can do is chalk it up to experience, try to put this unpleasant family and unsupportive partner behind you, and now prioritise your own best interests and those of your son. And please ignore the posters calling you a 'bitch' and other sexist pejoratives.Too late for recrimination and those posts help nothing - what matters now is what happens next.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them

and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend.

A prolonged, sustained attack that would've taken quite some time to do and the choice of the wedding day to do it on.

Assuming it's true, the OP needs psychiatric help imo.

Whilst I think you’ve behaved very badly - how can you possibly consider contact? Get some legal advice pronto - they will now make you out to be mentally unhinged and they your text messages as evidence. Which will back up their claims. In the meantime your son is around very toxic people who are dripping poison into his ears. Do you not think it’s affected him having people openly call his mum a slag? These are the people helping bring up your son. Please try and sort this out as soon as possible.

I think people are going really over the top over some texts to some horrible people. Obviously if it was all the time, but as a one off after years of shitty behaviour and just telling the truth- I mean yeah it would definitely have set the cat amongst the pigeons but crikey she didn’t kill anyone, she didn’t break any laws, it’s really not that bad.

If the wording you used was ‘shagging anything with a pulse’ then if I was your mate, while advising not to do it again, I would see the funny side too.

Head held high, crack on, don’t give it anymore thought.

@WeddingWTF It was absolutely the wrong way to go about things. It seems the trigger was the wedding and you felt they were treating them nice when they had been so awful to you .

The sound disgusting and tbh I am glad you are feee and can work on moving on and get therapy to repair from their abuse.

I would have left too if I was your dh but saying that I think it’s what for you he has left , he has allows this from his own family .

Well tbh I think it's quite funny. You definitely needed to get away from the whole lot of abusive scumbags and now you can. A bit scorched earth but hey ho. You'll have a happier life now. 💐

This sounds pretty unbelievable. Your husband's family have been calling you a slag to your face and in front of strangers for 20 years. At the same time your husband's brother has been flirting with you and trying to get you to sleep with him (or have you already slept together?) while he's also telling you he's trying it on with his fiancee's best friend. Then your husband goes to live with the brother who has been sniffing round his wife for all these years and the new bride who has just been told she's just married a serial cheat. Is your surname Giggs?

I’ve only read your responses and it still feels like you are trying to justify your horrific behaviour by saying well they were bad to me first. That is no excuse. Yes, if what they did was as you describe then it was awful but the response would have been to leave at that point. Not years later having a horrendous rant at everyone via text. You sound as bad as them. At least your DH left you. That’s what you should have done years before. Get a lawyer. Arrange contact through court and just block all contact with them now. No way back for what you’ve done. You just need to hope your son doesn’t end up blaming you and wanting to live with your DH or their family. The courts will listen to him as it’s not about you now. It’s all about him and his needs and wants. He’s old enough to have a say.

Why would anyone in this scenario care what the o thought about them given what they think about her.

Surely they all got drunk at the wedding ended up laughing about the messages

@WeddingWTF No judge will decide on your kids fate based on income .
Your solicitor can stand up for you and about the years of abuse. The family is toxic who do they think they are to demand when you have to be sorted from your child.

What age is your child ?

No more apologising . Can work provide Counseling ?

And you laughed your head off because he’s a teen and the courts won’t do anything?

honestly, stop calling him DH. He sounds like a shit husband and you are well rid of all of them.

Most of us at some point have wanted to let people know what we really think. The way you did it wasn’t great but a little bit of me thinks they brought it on themselves. Like you said - everything you said was true. Stop worrying about them and block them all.

I'm happy for you OP! I life of freedom is ahead!

Don't send your son to them, I reckon they won't bother with court. Also, if they've been saying all of this in front of him, he's at an age where he'll soon figure out who's been looking after him xxx

Obviously you shouldn't have done what you did on the wedding day, but you shouldn't have put up with their awful treatment of you. Unfortunately by behaving like that you have played right into their hands.

If you are a slag then so is your DH, because he did the same as you, sex before marriage, baby before marriage.... it is extremely unfair of them to treat you as a bad person.

But it is what it is now and can't be undone. You say "they" are demanding access. The only person who can demand access is his father. Your son if early teens, is old enough to decide for himself when he wants to see his dad, and can communicate directly with him.

You can just walk away from this and disengage from all of them.

File for divorce, split your assets and money if there is any.

Start a new , hopefully happier life on your own.

What are his family like in general? As people?

And did they attend your wedding to your husband?

If this is true it's vile. You text that to a bride on her wedding day and your DH's family? I'd have left you.

i wouldnt have bothere apologising and your ex is just as bad who lets their family call their wife a slag

Wow, well whatever they did wrong, you have now eclipsed that ten fold. If this is even true. I mean, anyone with half a brain would know that sending those messages on the wedding day would have HUGE fall out that could never be repaired.