Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just Snapped

498 replies

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:41

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

OP posts:
viques · 29/06/2025 10:24

I think it is probably more accurate to say that you took a flamethrower and a can of petrol and burnt that family bridge to a cinder , rather than “ oh, I snapped”.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 29/06/2025 10:24

texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue

If the groom had of been shagging everything with a pulse at anytime during the relationship pre marriage going through with the weeding was a sham anyway.

Maybe it's time his family concentrated on their own doings and sorted their own sordid lives instead of hiding behind the now ex SIL's blow up.

TinyTempest · 29/06/2025 10:26

localnotail · 29/06/2025 10:18

Imagine if she'd done it in person. Probs would have ended up with police being called.

Show quote history

She's had years to do it, on all those non wedding days.

cramptramp · 29/06/2025 10:28

That was a horrible thing to do OP.

calamariqueen · 29/06/2025 10:32

Sweetpea333 · 29/06/2025 01:15

@calamariqueen too late, I got there first! 😅

Glad it wasn’t just me 😂

JollyGreenSleeves · 29/06/2025 10:32

5128gap · 29/06/2025 08:34

You did a very foolish thing that has cost you dearly. I think all you can do now is take the learning from that so that when you rebuild your life, in whatever form that takes, you don't allow your impulsive behaviour to destroy it again.
The first thing is responsibility. There are no red mists that overcome us and magic us into doing things we shouldn't. There are only unwise choices when we feel angry.
The key is to minimise the amount of rage we allow to build up in the first place, by addressing problems as they occur and not letting them fester, and then taking precautions when we are enraged to limit harm. Not drinking when you're angry is a good start.
This isn't a pious lecture. I understand rage. I also understand how destructive it is if you act on it, as you now do too.

It hasn’t cost her dearly though has it? It’s done her a favour because the ex sounds like a wanker along with his family. No loss at all, quite the opposite, her future is brighter without them in it.

She sent some home truths in text messages, she hasn’t destroyed anything.

And people do snap after years of abuse, even the legal system recognises provocation as a mitigating circumstance.

Rosesanddaffs · 29/06/2025 10:36

@WeddingWTF I don’t blame you, why should you go on being treated like shit.

It’s not like you’ve made any of this up and maybe you’ve done the bride a favour xx

DOCTORCEE · 29/06/2025 10:36

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:41

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

You need psych help - this is wrong on so many levels.

Thenose · 29/06/2025 10:43

DOCTORCEE · 29/06/2025 10:36

You need psych help - this is wrong on so many levels.

Show quote history

Yes, being the subject of years of abuse has likely, and understandably, left the op in need of psychological support.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 29/06/2025 10:46

To be honest if they are as bad as it sounds I don’t blame you.

5128gap · 29/06/2025 10:49

JollyGreenSleeves · 29/06/2025 10:32

It hasn’t cost her dearly though has it? It’s done her a favour because the ex sounds like a wanker along with his family. No loss at all, quite the opposite, her future is brighter without them in it.

She sent some home truths in text messages, she hasn’t destroyed anything.

And people do snap after years of abuse, even the legal system recognises provocation as a mitigating circumstance.

Edited
Show quote history

Just because something is understandable, doesn't make it ideal. 'Snapping' isn't a good thing for the person concerned as it results in them doing things they regret. My advice to the OP was given without judgement. You don't need to defend her, there was no attack.

Arrythmiaconfusion · 29/06/2025 10:49

thepariscrimefiles · 29/06/2025 08:49

It's not because OP is a woman. It's because her husband's family have treated her like shit ever since she was a teenager and have called her a 'slag' to her face and to other people because she got pregnant out of wedlock.

Show quote history

Exactly. Did the family call out their son as a 'slag' too? The chances are he was the poor victim, despite it being 50:50. Double toxicity points if they then treated him as a hero for being involved in his child's life.

ThisKindAmberLemur · 29/06/2025 10:53

I mean this with kindness, as I also work in the public sector and know it can be a complete shitshow / totally overwhelming / draining / soul destroying ...

I think you might have a drinking problem. You got pissed and blew up your life. You're on MN late at night / early morning talking about it (possibly after a few glasses).

Forget everyone else and what they've done / should've done / are doing. They don't matter, but you do! You've tried your hardest and that's come at a cost. Maybe it's time to back yourself now. You deserve to be happy.

NapsAndSnacks · 29/06/2025 10:54

I can 100% understand WHY you snapped but the way you did it was EPICALLY poor.

cloudyblueglass · 29/06/2025 10:57

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:39

They've said via dh if I don't send him then I will be taken to court for access.

Show quote history

Ok.

Well good luck to them there - grandparents gave to seek permission from the court to make an application as they don't have ang automatic rights. Not to mention your son is a teenager

So, it looks like this is an excellent opportunity to get away from your abusive in laws, your completely unsupportive husband, and rebuild your life.

You've put up with years of humiliation and toxicity from them. Now is the time to break free.

What you did wasn't the best, you don’t just get to walk away gracefully now - though something tells me you never would have been allowed to do that anyway as it seems theyre pretty controlling.

Focus on yourself. And your teenaged son.

Thindog · 29/06/2025 10:58

His family didn’t like you. Now you have confirmed their beliefs about you.
I am sorry for the children, what an example.

sweatervest · 29/06/2025 10:59

to be honest they probably aren't thinking about the texty situation as much as you are. if your ex sil is married to a cheat then she's got bigger things going on than a drunken text from you on her wedding day. and she probably knows what he's like before you just confirmed it

also surely they can't get access to see your son?
to be honest i've heard lots of worse stories than yours so honestly it's going to be yesterday's news soon
i hope you're okay

Differentforgirls · 29/06/2025 11:01

Thindog · 29/06/2025 10:58

His family didn’t like you. Now you have confirmed their beliefs about you.
I am sorry for the children, what an example.

Hopefully the OPs child will decide not to see the DH family again so won't learn To be as toxic as they are.

cloudyblueglass · 29/06/2025 11:02

And I wouldn’t be feeling sorry for your husband - He's stood by and allowed you to be abused for 20 years.

butterpuffed · 29/06/2025 11:12

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:19

Dh sister got married years ago and I went to the evening event as that's all I was invited to (no hen etc) I sat at a table and no one knew that I had a child, I got introduced to people as the slag and they all sat there laughing at me...

I was 19 by then, oh how stupid I was. I thought if I sat and ignored everything and played nice things would get better. It only got worse. I stayed for my dh and child so they could have a family. Even though to my dh his family came first always before me and my son.

I find it hard to believe that you were introduced to other guests as 'the slag' and everybody was laughing at you . Surely people other than DH's family would be horrified and embarrassed and not find it funny at all . 😕

StopStartStop · 29/06/2025 11:18

Get away from these people and start again.
Get some therapy.
Be a decent person in future and have a good life.

zingally · 29/06/2025 11:26

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:55

To give more context to things. I was 18 when I fell pregnant and my now dh then boyfriend listened to his family and walked away leaving me as a single mum. Me and dh managed to work things out but his family frequently called me a slag for having my child, constantly put me me down and humiliated me at every turn. So many times I sat in a room getting called a slag or talked to like a piece of shit.

I tried over the years, honestly I did but no matter what I did it was damed if you do and damed if you don't.

Presumably you are nowhere near the age of 18 any more.

You should have taken your child and run for the hills the second he walked out on you, and definitely the first time his family called you a slag. DEFINITELY not had him back and then MARRIED him!

There were a million better ways to have handled this, long before the "texting a bride on her wedding day to tell her her new dh is sleeping around."

You've had umpteen chances to make a better life for you and your child. Your actions were not it.

I can kind of see why you did it. People pushed to the edge do crazy things, but you've thrown away any conceivable chance to walk out with your head held high.

Where are your own biological family in all this? I wouldn't have let my 18yo DD marry the guy who ran off on her, and whose family repeatedly abuse her.

LSTMS30555 · 29/06/2025 11:30

Good on you OP you owe these people nothing.
years of their shite and you finally get your own back! Give them a taste of their own medicine nothing wrong with what you did.
Do you think they give a fuck or feel shame for the years of being cunts to you?

Branleuse · 29/06/2025 11:36

Fuck them all. I think whether your timing is right or not, its done now, and tbh they deserved it.
You have now got out of this bullshit toxic family, and its time for a new start for you. X

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 29/06/2025 11:37

When your DH wouldn't stand up to his family calling you a slag and a shit mum, and didn't cut the entire lot off, that's when you should have left him.

Your marriage is over anyway, apologise to you DH if you want, and maybe the bride. I wouldn't really apologise to the rest of them, they won't accept it anyway and they'll just use it as a stick to beat you with. Just take the divorce and run, at least you won't have to see them ever again.