Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

Don't be ridiculous. OP knows what she's done and has apologised (she shouldn't have apologised imo). I noticed that you haven't referred to the abuse OP has been living under for 20 years. Every action has a reaction.

I referred to it earlier in the thread.

How does your DS feel about them all? If he is old enough, they can pound salt.
You went nuclear on them at an inopportune time, and you realize it was wrong, so the continuous castigating of yourself won't change things.

Personally, for me, the timing was wrong, but you told your truth. Your NAADH is no big loss, and it sounds like you won if you never have to see them again.

Make protecting and raising your DS your priority, and hope your genes can override theirs. Raise him to not be like them, but a bit more temperate than you. IYKWIM

These are your comments in no particular order. Where do you refer to the sustained abuse OP has suffered?

"In that moment' (or rather a very long time texting all those people her drunken ramblings), she didn't find strength. She found a bottle of wine and a mobile phone to hide behind.
Cowardly, but the fact she chose their wedding day makes it beyond nasty too".

"And also you chose to marry the piece of shit who walked away from you when you were pregnant at 18, yet you decided his family were worse?"

"Then you should've grown a backbone and told her to her face.
Instead of hiding behind your phone and ruining her wedding day.
Despicable."

"Depending on what the teenage son wants, going to court is a bad idea with all the text evidence of how unhinged the OP is."

"What a vile thing to do to someone and their family on their wedding day".

I actually think if her husband to be has really been cheating non stop it’s best to find out on the wedding day rather than 15 years down the line.

It doesn't matter how much you hate someone, you don't go out of your way to cause pain if you're a decent person.
There's people I really dislike for whatever reason, I avoid them where possible, so fair enough don't go to events. But to try to cause that much pain to someone is horrible and I can't think of anything to justify it. You basically sat there and thought "everyone's happy, how can I stop that".

Move on with your life and make sure you're focusing on being a good person rather than dwelling in revenge and spite in future. Mean people are never happy.

No, it would be better to find out before so she can make the decision, or after the day and honeymoon so she can make a decision. It's in no world best to find out on the wedding day, unless someone has just found out and the wedding hasn't taken place yet. This was clearly a case of spite not concern for her decision.

Another one who's just ignoring the abuse OP has been living with. Your post reads as if you're talking about someone who just randomly decided to do this for fun.

'They have given me days and times they want to see my son and I've to send him to them then.'

There is no ' they '

The only person that legally has a right to visits is the father i.e. your soon to be x husband.

HE can facilitate if and when his parents / siblings etc. etc. see the child - whom by the way is apparently a young teen, when he has the ' child ' for visits / overnight stays / 50/50 whatever.

However we know a young teen can say to the Court that he doesn't want to, and will be listened to.

But, the Op's dates / ages don't match up in her posts - 20 years of shit v young teen child.

and all this apparently happened ' a few months ago '...

I've only read the first three pages but I'm going to jump in and defend you OP based on what I've read. They treated you abysmally and imo deserved what you gave them. Actions (and words!) deserve consequences. Your only mistake is sending them apologies! They don't deserve anything from you!

Absolutely this.

I’m going to be kind. I understand how it feels to snap after years of bad treatment. It’s done and can’t be undone. Take a deep breath and make it right. Write an apology, take responsibility without blaming, but make it clear why you snapped so that they understand how you feel. Be a grown up and send it and hope that they can understand and forgive you. You’ll always have it hanging over your head but if you apologise there isn’t much else you can do.

This is what happens when women choose men over their kids. This man stood by and let this happen, did nothing and you still chose him. So you chose that too. I don’t blame you, because they sound toxic but you had the choice to stop this too. It’s done now.

OP, you have my 100% sympathy.
Stop apologising to these scummy people.

Tough on his family, horrible bride and groom.
No sympathy here.

Time for therapy.
Call Womens aid, you have been abused for years.

Fxxk your ex.
You mind yourself.
We are here for you.

STOP APOLOGISING!!

They had it coming!💐

This, but do it with some professional support.

Gather any evidence of the ongoing abuse from your husband and his family.

Don't feel ashamed for staying. You were caught between staying and the possibility of shared custody with that nightmare family having access to your young child.

We have one side of the story. Even if for some reason they had decided they hated her for no reason and she'd been lovely to them and they openly embarrassed themselves behaving the way they did (though honestly can't imagine anyone introducing someone as "slag". That sounds like the standard post OP not going to plan drip feed to justify behaviour). Then it still wouldn't justify that.
If they'd behaved like that then cut them off, don't accept the wedding invitation in the first place. But don't sink to the apparent level that they'd been at (or worse in this case).

We only ever have one side of the story on Mumsnet...on every single thread. Are you new to Mumsnet?

Read what I was replying to, some idiot acting like this was acceptable based on the op adding on a sob story

This can't be true!!

Honestly, good for you!

I hope you have a happy life without those twats ♥️

Then you are very ignorant. That’s like saying ‘she was ground down for years but emboldened enough to stab him 28 times whilst he was asleep’ or ‘she was ground down for years but emboldened enough to drive off a bridge’

are you seriously this clueless?

He's a teenager ! Does he get on with H's family ? I'm guessing he doesn't know about what's been going on .

You can be as rude to me as you like, I’m still not going to agree with you.

What's done is done now OP. Concentrate on yourself and your Son and sod them.

No issue with you snapping and saying the truth but pretty shitty to do it on their wedding day and I guess you can't really have expected any different reaction from them regardless of when you finally snapped. It's done, there's no coming back from something as monumental as this so you need to find a way forward that involves you and your DS happy and mentally healthy without all the drama of DH and his family