Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

If she’d specified a particular amount to the charities and the residue to the beneficiaries they could have ended up with less than they are receiving, or nothing if the specified requests took up the whole estate. Specific bequests always come out the estate before anything else. If your DH Aunt ended spending a lot on a care home, there may not have been any residue once the specific requests were taken care off and therefore a risk that your DH was left with a lesser amount or nothing. I hope his is feeling more blessed than you do with his inheritance.

Exactly what I was going to say! I realise it’s not a race to the bottom but £50k would be life-changing for me. YABU.

you got 50k for nothing be gratful

My natural assumption would be an aunt without issue would leave her estate to charity, unless I knew otherwise.

£50K is a lovely amount.

We have only got one child and as it stands, if he predeceases us, the bulk of our estate goes to charity too. DH’s sister is wealthy and her children will be well provided for (we also have a very minimal relationship with SIL). My brother has no children and is much older than me (he also has plenty of money). SIL’s children and my brother (and a few other people) get a specified sum.

If it makes you feel better… my dad had a mortgage free house quite early as my mum died when I was a child. He married again. She also had a mortgage free house due to the early death of her husband (her kids were older but they lost their dad as children too). They sold these houses and bought a business. Didn’t go well - lost all their money and now too old/unfit to work. Us ‘kids’ ended up inheriting about £2K each eventually. Don’t think the parent who died early would’ve been pleased! Oh well - such is life! Sure it was worse for them. Thankfully, we’ve made our own money!

It's ok to have feelings, its fine to ask about those feelings and are they valid - better to accept the situation and work through it than harbour a grudge.

I thought op had asked how to get over it, nothing wrong with asking how to sort out and arrange your feelings about something

I can top that. My father cut me out of his will without telling me. When I found out and asked him why, he said I was “irrelevant to the family” because I don’t have children whereas my siblings do.
He was a vicious bully and a nasty bit of work my whole life though.

That makes me feel rich! DB and I got a little over £10k each.

How did you know what she had in savings and assets, what made you assume it would be split 4 ways?
I can only assume that the 4 parties were discussing this poor ladies death, assets and will before she actually died.
Which is really horrible.

It sort of depends on your relationship with the aunt.
If your DH acted like a son visiting several times a week, doing jobs, sorting out her affairs etc you might reasonably expect more. If he phoned her 4 times a year then you have been very lucky.

Wow greedy and entitled much. Sounds like she knew exactly what she was doing!

Presumably you'll actually be getting £75k (or your husband, but it sounds as though you'll be making sure what's his is yours.) If his mother also inherited £50k and recently died, you and your sil will be sharing that too - unless of course she also selfishly denied you her full fortune. Does that help you feel a bit better?

You don't sound the type to get over it, but it may prove a valuable lesson.
An inheritance is neither owed nor guaranteed.

I’m sorry for your loss. I think this is the root of your problems: We were expecting a

I don’t feel like anyone should ‘expect’ an inheritance especially from an Aunt. We are encouraging my PiLs to spend their money having fun. They are doing a great job.

I had to read the op several times.
You don’t want to appear as vultures? Then you want might want to reassess your entire op.
I’m a bit grossed out by your attitude.
Expecting anything was your first mistake. It’s not even your aunt. Who expects fuck all from anyone when they die?

My nan was the only child of her generation
Her uncle had left his bungalow to the Jehovahs Witnesses. Literally a week before his death he changed his mind and left it to my nan, with his money going to them.
I guess aunt thought it would be a waste leaving that amount of money to a few individuals and it would do more for the world going to charity

There surely must be a word in German for this?

its absolutely right that she decided what she wanted to do with her money. Hers. Not yours.

This was never your money to bank on. You’re feeling dejected because you believed yourself entitled to something that was never, and is not, yours to claim ownership of. Your injury is a self inflicted one.

Why do people of you think if you spend ‘more’ time with a relative you should get ‘more’ money? WTAF?
Sadly, I think when people have an idea of what may be in a will, and what they may get, it’s already in their subconscious and possibly plan for its arrival.
Perhaps the aunt her had seen her young relatives do well, and decided to also help people less fortunate? Perhaps the charities had personal meaning to her?
Maybe she had updated her will to include the charities?
Whatever the outcome, for most of us 50k is life-changing. Be grateful and most importantly…
Was she a decent lady? If she was, toast her life and be grateful.

Tbh you do sound like exactly that, vultures.

I’m going to be honest here, if I had no children there’s no way I would leave my money to nephews and nieces, not unless they treated me like a mother all their life. If they were just my deceased sibling’s kids, that maybe sent me a Christmas card once a year, it would 100% go to charity. Cats Protection and The Donkey Sanctuary.

I am appalled at the OP. I bet she’s been rubbing her hands in anticipation for years.

i would love £50k from
an aunt

and no one is entitled to a relatives money

even if they said when alive you may get it but I don’t think she hinted you were going to get £250k each

nor sure when mum died but you may be Lucky and you and dh get another £25k from her - split with his sibling so £75k in all

note the sarcasm

I would be thrilled with £50k

wow. Just wow

The issue is I garuntee you already spent the money in your head and it was never your money.. now your dissapointed

I am one of the 10% that doesn't think you are being unreasonable to have gone up the hill of 'we might be getting a life changing amount of money' to 'blast we only got a make our lives easier amount of money'.

I think your foolish to never have 'what if' thoughts. And you did say you know you need to get over it. I don't think you are required to make a post detailing your full relationship and degree of grieving to talk about a specific point.

Sorry for your loss and hope you and DH are doing okay.

I think the OP is getting a hard time and people are being daft calling her a ‘vulture’ and the like. You’d have to be an extraordinary person to not be a bit disappointed if an inheritance you thought you were getting didn’t come to fruition.

It’s worlds apart from not expecting anything and then hearing you’ve been left 50k. It doesn’t make her a bad person, just a normal one.

How did you know how much was in her bank account before she died?