Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

Given your reaction I’d guess you are a reason why she didn’t want to leave more to your husband.

I absolutely love inheritance threads!!

In your head, you’ve sat and waited for the aunt to die and have mentally spent the money.

Your DH has just been given 50K of free money. Be thankful.

Poster means £50k many years ago would have been worth a lot more than it is today.

I don’t have children (waiting for the pitchforks at dawn) but my will is important to me, I’m skint now but worth an absolute fortune when dead

i'm seeing my nephew right but leaving very little to my mum as I don’t want my dickhead brothers getting any of my cash if she dies after me

friends and charities close are getting the cash I can’t spend

That's disappointing. I have donated money to them twice in recent months via their website. Once in memory of my friend's DF and the second time in memory of another friend's DM. They emailed an acknowledgement to both friends as well as myself.

It might have been a different Alzheimer’s charity.

There is no inheritance tax paid on donations to chairty - it seems your husbands aunt was very savvy making sure that every penny of hers went to an organisation and family members of her choice

Yes, it may well have been. Without searching through my emails, I can't remember which one it was now. It's definitely very poor form not to have received a thank you.

I'm sure a lot of people here would secretly be a bit miffed. You were hoping for and expecting what would potentially be a life-changing amount of money and it hasn't happened. This world is ruled by money and yet it seemingly doesn't affect anyone on this thread....

You're not grieving though OP so you're being disingenuous there.

Did you or your husband ever visit said aunt.you sound totally money grabbing.please be grateful for what you are given,I would never expect anything from anyone that is not my parent.if it was me I would be over the moon and would give a good share to my charities anyway.but then I’m not all me me me.

Heard the saying Whre there is a Will. There are relatives. Well that youseems to sum you up.

If you are so afronted by her decision. Why don't you get legal advice from a Solicitor?

50k for doing nothing. Sounds good to me. Taje the money and run
📜💰👍

Similar situation here.

childless aunt. Of four siblings, I am the only one with contact. For years
I did the daily care, bills, admin, household stuff etc. for love, not money, my aunt was kind to me growing up in an abusive family.

when she passed, all was left equally between my and siblings 9 kids, mine knew her well and brought her a lot of joy, the others had never met or heard of her.

I got the admin.

I confess it did sting a bit.

You're benefitting to the tune of £50k, It's not even your aunt and you want more? Absolute greed. Looks like she had you sussed.

Myself along with a ton of other people can't even expect anything from parents...

People should stop counting on inheritances and see them as a lucky extra, lust like winning the lottery!

I get it OP.

I'm going through something similar with my elderly mother. She's very fixated on the relatively small amount of money in her bank accounts (which is very visible to her) but just can't seem to grasp that her entire estate (including investments and the value of her house) is worth probably 12 times as much. I keep telling her but it just seems to slide over the surface of her brain.

Your DHs aunt probably thought £50K was A LOT of money, plenty to help you out in your lives, and didn't realise just how big her total estate was.

However, I also have to agree with everyone else that frustrating as it is, it was her money to dispose as she saw fit.

Several people have asked whether you were close, loving and helpful to the aunt in her last years, and you've chosen not to answer (unless I've missed your post). I'll bet you had little or nothing to do with her going by your lack of answer, in which case you're presumptive, callous and greedy .... you're lucky to be getting anything, it's a shame she didn't leave all her estate to charity.

You're not unreasonable to be disappointed... You were expecting close to half a mil (because of DHs mother dying) and "only" got £50k.

Be honest, you and your DH were already mentally spending the money, and now it's gone.
But you can still do a huge amount with £50k. If it were me, I'd put £10k away for buying my next car, and put the remaining £40k on the mortgage. For me, that would result in it being paid off at 50 rather than 60.

That is amazing! Fantastic idea!

Well, I get it. Life is tough at the moment. Living costs are horrible, houses are expensive to buy, kids are expensive to bring up. If you have a family and are struggling to make things meet then obviously when a relative decides to leave a large amount of money to charity it feels like a kick in the teeth, especially if the money would have made a real difference to your lifestyle. Some points though :

i) The average legacy in the UK is about 30K. A lot of people don't get anything from their parents/relatives. An AI summary says about 40% of adults believe they have nothing to inherit and 18% of adults plan to leave nothing to their children. You can search the web for stats on this.

ii) Most people don't inherit from aunts and uncles, only their parents. Given that a lot of people don't even receive anything from their parents, anything from an aunt or uncle could be regarded as a significant bonus.

iii) People can do do what they want with their money.

iv) Without knowing the details, so a bit of a guess, if that money had not been left to charity and there was no tax planning the taxman would probably have taken a massive chunk of it, so there is a fair probability you wouldn't have got more than another 100K each even if is was all split between the four beneficiaries. A decent sum of money, but probably not lifechanging to a young family.

v) If you don't spend much time with someone in life, then it isn't really that realistic to expect anything when they die.

An estate of 1 million would owe 40% inheritance tax . Gifts to charity are tex free - so 800k going to your aunts chosen causes .

This must have felt very disappointing. It's human to think about these kind of things, I don't think it's grabby or rude or any of the other horrible things that have been said. It doesn't mean you didn't care about the aunt, just that you were hoping something nice was coming your way, and you'd probably already mentally spent the money in that practical way that you do. Everyone saying it's her will, you've still got 50k etc is absolutely correct and morally upright. But it doesn't mean you won't feel disappointed. it's very easy to see the morally correct position when you're not closely involved.

Don't beat yourself up OP. Time will kill the disappointment if it hasn't already been beaten out of you by this thread!

How much did you do for her when she was alive and aging? How often did you visit?
Did you have her with you for Christmas?
How involved were you in her life, and her in yours?

Why she left you a specific amount, maybe you have not considered that tax and care home fees would have "drained" the charity side of the account rather than yours.

ie you would have got 50K regardless if the estate was over a net certain amount, but the charity number would have been highly variable.

Your first mistake was 'expecting.'

Expect nothing and anything you do get is a pleasant surprise.