Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

You’ve got nothing to ‘get past’. It is none of your business what was in the will.
You were left nothing as you weren’t in her will. Your husband who was her relation was.
He’s lucky To be left £50.000. Many people will inherit nothing.

After caring for a relative, going twice a day, 7 days a week, taking their washing & ironing home, doing their shopping, cleaning, hair washing, bed bathing, picking up prescriptions, library books and organising medical appointments for 7 years while working full time and running my own home I got zero left in the will.
2 relatives who visited every 2-3 months for less than an hour to read the newspaper I bought and drink the tea I’d shopped for, got a large cut of the finances left in the will.
Where on the phone to the solicitors less than a week after the funeral I had organised demanding to know where their money was…

Go figure….

I absolutely adored my relative and was heartbroken when finally they died. Lost beyond words not knowing what to do with myself when I no longer needed to go to the house.
I had no idea of what was in that will. Never asked. Never had any expectations either.
Can’t lie, I was somewhat surprised. There was an injustice and felt it was undeserving, would rather it had gone to a charity.

Because it’s foolish to bank on money that was not, and is not, yours. It also saves on disappointment if/when the expectations aren’t met.

if you don’t want to be seen as a vulture, so I would suggest you stop behaving like one. Your approach to this is shocking. No wonder your husband’s aunt left her money to charity with relatives like this.

YANBU
I'm amazed you are being told yabu.

Charities tapped out the market
with their aggresive "chugging" tactics a few years back and their new shtick to top up the CMOs bonuses is to offer "free will writing," where they butter up elderly people tell them what shit heads millennials and gen X are and that really they should leave it all to a donkey sanctuary and the salvation army.

I actually think its immoral given the HUGE wealth gap that is coming - unless you HATE your family you shouldn't do this.

Their shit head lawyer will also have advised them on the specific minimum amounts to leave you so you cant even contest the will...

Well if it helps with perspective, my parent was very wealthy, multiple investments, properties etc, and died leaving nothing at all to me or my siblings. Will changed a couple of weeks before they were hospitalised, leaving everything to step parent, who promptly went no contact after the death and disappeared. Hadn't "expected" anything, but a few quid would have made life a little safer.

Be happy with the very lucky £50,000

Personally I would not leave so much money to a charity as I am sure it will not be spent on the poor and needy or for the cause but more on advertising and paying the fat cats salaries! I would leave a smaller amount to charity and the rest to family. Blood definitely thicker than water! So I can see why you are disappointed, as I would expect family to first safe guard family as charity begins at home!

Lol all the people judging this woman as if they wouldn’t be so shocked themselves. It’s ok for this woman to be surprised or disappointed. She’s not ungrateful or greedy. The keyboard martyrs out in full force as always.

Who do you think needs the money more - you, or the people who benefit from the charities? Think about that and be happy for the people that the money will help.

you really don’t like charity do you! Wow

It's not even your own aunt, FFS.

Yes I hope so too. I doubt they will though. The money will probably be wasted on nonsense and high salaries. Call me cynical but I doubt it will reach those that the charities are supposed to help. Depends on the charity I suppose.Many charities are just as much vultures as the OP. So many saintly people on this thread who wouldn’t mind if this happened to them😂. Yes and I know the OP got 50 grand. Charity begins at home as my old Dad used to say.

Unfortunately you came to the last place you should expect a bit of sympathy OP.

Not unreasonable at all, but such is life.
If it was indeed intimated to be a 4 way split, I think what she has done isn't actually nice at all.

So you’d be gutted if you didn’t inherit money you hadn’t been promised, from someone who isn’t even related to you?

What is there to get past? 50k inheritance from your husbands Aunt is nothing to be upset about. I doubt I will inherit 50k from anyone. Your post reeks of entitlement.

Stopping feeling entitled to and expecting other people's money will help you.

Seriously.

We help out our wider family regularly, but in our wills we have a clause that if (god forbid) our daughter predeceased or died with us, everything will go to the bursary fund at her absolutely amazing private school.

We have a separate education trust set up that will also benefit the school separately from anything we leave her, and an education trust for her descendants which if unused will pass to the bursary fund.

Nothing for any other family members in our will, which I think would surprise them given how close we are. But it’s the way we have chosen to do things, we feel very strongly about the opportunities the bursary fund gives to academically able but financially less fortunate children. It’s a tremendous charity fund (as well as school fees they do Christmas parcels, holiday food parcels, all sorts) and we passionately believe in supporting it.

I get your disappointment. I couldn’t do that in my will in good faith, I’d much rather the people closest to me got a life changing amount with an amount going to a charity of my choice.

I get it.

You’re being unreasonable. You know this.

However if you were kind hoping (expecting?) £250k + 1/2 of MIL’s £250k then it’s ok to be disappointed. £375k is a life changing amount for most people, where as £50k whilst is generous and lovely etc etc isn’t. It’s pay debts off, have a nice holiday, put some away for a rainy day kinda money.

i know how you feel OP, my DM has told me she’s leaving all her money to my ds which is great, although it would have been nice to benefit from it, and pass my inheritance to him. But it is what it is.

Wow. I'm pretty shocked by these responses. Of course the OP's DH is going to feel a bit saddened that a charity of faceless identities is going to benefit over a blood relative.

My cousin works for a national charity (very well known one) and I've stopped donating given the salary and perks she gets. She had nearly 2 years off sick on full pay, was paid through a degree course and they get "team building" events that always seem to be held in 5* luxury hotels as well as Christmas Ball's, fund raising events throughout the year. She has a wardrobe of black tie event clothing and drives an 80k car. All thanks to a charity.

You don’t think charities should be able to give decent salaries/benefits in order to attract talent to work for them, who are able to run the charity effectively?

Only child here. My father left me £3000, having drank the rest.

Omg!😳

I'm an Auntie, 2 nieces ..both now adults we were very close. I sent gifts for no occasion when they were late teens and never received an acknowledgement..I started to distance myself when cheery WhatsApps were ignored 'saw this thought of you type stuff". I had a disabling injury. I reevaluated my life. My house was left to them... now...I could easily leave it to a charity instead...they have chosen to be strangers. Maybe this was the same?

Her money - her business to distribute as she pleased.

be grateful for what you DID receive rather than be bitter about what you didn’t get.

You were ENTITLED to NOTHING - every penny you received was a blessing.

Be grateful for any gift you received - it is a gift not an entitlement…