Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

"Elderly lady does a huge amount of good for people in need"...... and the OP is complaining! F*ing hell! OP, she could have left the entire amount to charity, which would have been a wonderful thing, but she also remembered her awful, ungrateful family, Lord knows why.
£50k is very generous, so maybe just keep quiet and be grateful......

Have read up to page 10 of this thread.

OP, I think your dejection is understandable (many ppl would be dejected if they’d thought they were in line for a 250K inheritance) but I can’t relate to your feeling that ‘this is just not right’. It was your aunt’s money to leave as she wished.

Also, don’t know if this has been mentioned, but if she hadn’t made the charity bequests, the estate wouldn’t have been as large, as more of it would have attracted Inheritance tax. I’m no expert on this, but on an estate the size of your aunt’s (£1,000,000?) and no direct descendants, I think that anything over £325K would have created liability for IHT at 40%. So if the estate had all gone to her relatives and her friend, the total estate would have been significantly reduced.

Indeed this may be why the charity bequests may have been discussed in the first place. But another point about the charities. I’m older, I don’t have children, and my partner is likely to predecease me. In the event that he does, I have set things up so that a proportion goes to a charity that is doing work that’s important to me. This because it makes me happy to do that. My siblings family are all reasonably comfortable and I know they will understand.

If anyone’s circumstances change, I will look at things again. But here’s the thing about wills: you usually don’t know how much you’ll be worth, when you go; and you don’t know what others’ circumstances will be. And you don’t know if you’ll lose capacity at any point to make a will in the future. You’re writing your wishes for a future scenario that you can only guess at.

If she doesn't have a will, then, given she's an intelligent person and will understand that it would go to family in the situation of no will, I'd see that her either as choosing it to go to family, or at the very least, not caring enough to write a will as it doesn't.

So no, I wouldn't reject it in those circumstances.

That's a very different situation to my sister having a will and choosing to leave it to others which is a conscious decision I'd respect.

Obviously it would be amazing if my sister left my children something, I'm not pretending otherwise, but she's entitled to leave it where she wants.

The scenario you describe is entirely irrelevant to the situation at hand. The aunt did leave a will and actively chose not to leave it all to family. So she obviously did care- if she didn't, she would have let rules of intestacy apply.

I just can't imagine feeling aggrieved if my sister didn't leave my children everything. I would hope she'd leave them something, of course, but she doesn't owe my children anything, the way I feel as a parent do.

If this was a parent leaving everything to charity I'd understand the disappointment. But this is an aunt- she left 150k to the family, and it's complained about so perhaps she was right to not leave the lot.

Count your blessings.

What a horrible, selfish, entitled individual you are. Sounds like your aunt was wise to this and you got what you deserved.

Nothing like that amount in my will but non of it is going to family Inc my kids. They have shown who they really are as adults and only ever contact when want something. So most going to charities and mostly animal ones as I have received more loyalty from animals than humans, with special items of value (to the reciver) going to 3 close friends. Don't understand why people who receive something from a relative to whom they are not even close expect more??

None of your business. You had no reason to expect anything. There ought to be nothing to get over.

This one is tricky and I think people are being a little harsh.
Yes 50k is a lot of money. Yes you should be thankful for it. But I can also see that when you all knew she had over £1m, the amount is a bit of a disappointment.
You asked how to help deal with it.
I would suggest thinking about the charities and how they will hopefully help so many more people than just the 4 in her family that she felt worthy enough to leave money to.
It's a disappointment but at the end of the day you're 50k better off and a lot of people will be helped by the charities.

What I find fascinating is that @TerryWogansWig is resolutely ignoring those questions about how much she and DH did for Aunt and WHY they were expecting a 1/4 split. From which I think we can surmise that the answer is “fuck all” and “because she was child free and we made assumptions”…

I used to work for a charity, receiving £200k would have made SUCH a difference to those we cared for. What a wonderful person your husbands aunt was to recognise that she could have such an impact on other people’s or animals lives.

£50k is also life changing for you.

Op asked how to get over it, what is the relevance to what they did for the aunt going to answer the question?

Complaining about being given 50K, absolutely tax free? Have a word with yourself, OP!

That made me laugh so hard. (MN admin: please bring back the laughing emoji reaction.)

If you don’t understand the relevance @MikeRafone you’re probably exactly the type of person who gets grabby with the estates of late relatives 🤣

I think some of the comments are quite harsh.
However, I think your expectation is what has made you feel disappointed. As pointed out, 50k is a lot of money, so many people would be delighted with this amount. But as you were expecting more, I see how you feel shocked.
was your husband very close to his aunt? Was he promised this money and then only found out when the will was read that most of the money was going to charity? As your DH isn’t a direct relative (child; spouse etc) I think you should appreciate any money at all. Start thinking about what you’ll spend the 50k on.
i would also look into the 4 named charities. 200k will do soooo much for them and they obviously meant a lot to the aunt so if you’re feeling a bit disappointed, take a look at what the money will do and hopefully you’ll feel a bit better :)

Thank you all for the reality check.

The amount given to charity (which is absolutely great for them), brings the value of the estate down so that she did not have to pay inheritance tax. It all makes sense now, she knew what she was doing, those charities will be very happy to get that, we are extremely grateful for the substantial sum given to us, no resentment or getting over it required.

Big non-mumsnetty-hugs.

Your husbands aunt had £1mil and you've been sitting waiting for payday? £50K isnt pocket change! Youre full CF territory.

Good for your aunt.

I'd be as gutted as you especially if the charities are something I wouldn't consider worthy. Did you aunt in law see you as already well-off?

You’re right

The person who earned the money thought they were worthy 😂
It’s got fuck all to do with op.

Probably someone who has sufficient moral grounds and legal arguments to do so.

'Expecting a four way split'? Rude and unbelievable.

Thomasshelbysfagend- You were unfairly treated, so often this happens that the most deserving person is left out. I’’d be bitter too

How do you know she was the ‘most deserving person’?? She wasn’t even related to the deceased. They also weren’t ’left out’, they inherited £50k

Sorry - my comment was meant for another poster!