Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

how greedy and ungrateful are u . My father passed Away 4 weeks ago . 10 months after my mother and left myself and 2 brothers very well provided for . Hand on heart we would rather our parents be alive and living their best life . The money honestly means nothing to us now . I never post negative on here but peaple like u make me seriously angry . 😡

So the loss of her money is greater to get over than the actual loss of her? Got it.

Lol’ling from the afterlife

You were the one who assigned a value to having someone visit their grave by saying ‘I wouldn’t visit her grave’. I couldn’t give a shit, I’ll be dead.

You are spectacular missing the point.
£ 50 thousands is not that much.
it could not buy you a house or even give you a decent deposit in some parts of the country

where as £250 thousands could maybe buy a decent house or even a deposit in the more expensive areas of the county.
op maybe has children who she may wish to help onto the property ladder.

It’s not even her aunt😂

I’m not missing any point. An inheritance is a ‘bonus’. It should never be relied upon. It is literally not your money, until it lands in your bank account. Plan your life around how you can provide for yourself, not what someone may or may not leave you. You’re just asking for disappointment.

My sister is childless. I dont expect her to leave my children anything. Obviously if she chooses to, that's lovely, but they aren't her responsibility and if her life had worked out how she wanted (children of her own) , then everything would pass to them and not go anywhere near nieces and nephews.

50k from someone who isn't a parent or grandparent is an extremely decent chunk..most ppl don't inherit from aunts or uncles.

Childless ppl should be able to leave their money where they like without nephews or nieces feeling entitled. Your first mistake was to feel someone who owes you nothing, should leave your DH and his sibling everything.

50k isn't lifechanging, it's a nice help but everyone saying it's a lifechanging amount is probably doing so bad they'd lose it and see no life changes anyway. I'd be pissed if I was left 5% by a close relative with no kids so they could feed cats or plow money into a cancer cure thats never going to happen or whatever the charities are too

TBH I think you are missing the point- it's DH's aunt. She had the perfect right to leave her money any way she wished. Not to greedy family members and their hangers on who only saw pound signs in their eyes.

If the OP wants to help her Dcs get on the housing ladder then she should do so. Not off the back of greedy expectations of someone else.

She sounds like a legend

Then be pissed 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s would be entirely your prerogative, and indeed problem.

Did DH get some of the mother’s share as well?

And the only person who would be affected by you being ‘pissed’ would be you. The money would still be going where the deceased person wanted it to go.

Vile. If I were unfortunate enough to be related to you I'd leave you one fucking penny and the rest to a hit man to take you out.

But why is that the responsibility of ops DPs aunt? Surely its OP and her DHs responsibility to help their children?

We don't even know how involved OP and her DH were involved in the aunts life. As I said above, most ppl don't expect to inherit from aunties and uncles because most people still have children so tend to leave stuff to their own kids.

50k from an auntie is a huge bonus most ppl would be grateful for.

Its nice to see an OP that actually listens to everyones opinion for a change and reconsiders their point of view. Half the time time i think people who post on AIBU just want validation

Silly aunt didn't know how terrible charities are with money!

Maybe she did, and would still rather her money went there than to grabby relatives?

It’s people behaving like the OP about wills and money that has made me determined to spend every last bit before I die. I’m leaving nothing. I’m going on cruises, eating a restaurants, buying expensive body care products, going to concerts, getting my hair done weekly, whatever I want. If there is anything left, it’s going to charity.

I'm afraid your initial response has been crass and grabby and possibly explains why your DH's aunt decided to leave her money as she did. The charity beneficiaries are probably more grateful than you would have been, however much you had got.

Because she loves him to bits but can’t really be arsed with me.. or my sister. Who doesn’t have children and will be getting nothing either 🙄

I would be shocked too if you had not been aware these charities were important to her. We support a couple of charities by giving small amounts and those who know would not be surprised if we left them money in a will (even though we don't plan to, as we will leave it to our children). We actually don't give a lot regularly but try to support them in other ways such as fundraising, donating to their charity shop etc.

In contrast, my parents are not committed to any particular charity, so I would be very surprised if they planned to leave money to one.

It's not unreasonable to leave money to charity but that is a huge amount and I would wonder why she decided to do that and not talk about it to her loved ones.

We had a neighbour, an elderly lady, who told DH and I she was leaving us 'something' in her will. We had an idea she told other people the same thing too.
She developed dementia had to go into care and was there for some years, her house was sold to pay for it and a guardian appointed to look after her affairs. (This is not cheap.)
After her death we were very surprised to find she had indeed left us a nice (low five figures) amount, we raised a glass in her honour. We thought all her money would have been spent on care home fees and legal expenses from the guardian.
On the other hand, my childless and widowed aunt, who I was close to, left her entire estate to two local hospitals. She was a retired nursing sister and a great fan of the NHS. Can't complain, really. 😂

Same here.